My sister is getting married in about a month, and this is the sister that I've already told I'm transgender.. And this is all well and good but, I'm not sure what to wear exactly... I've been to weddings before, three of my friends including one of my best friends who I was a groomsmen for (his brother was best man) and in all those cases, I had to wear a suit... Now, I can look good in a suit its true, but honestly it sends my dysphoria through the roof.. I honestly would rather wear a nice dress... But that's really not an option at the moment for a number of reasons... So, the only alternative I can think of is to try to dress androgynous.... So, my question is, how can I make formal wear look androgynous?
I'm guessing you'd rather not wear a dress because you're not out to everyone who will be attending the wedding and to come out at someone else's wedding would be, essentially, stealing the bride's thunder. As a respectful sister, you don't want to do the latter, I'm sure. I have 2 recommendations, then, and neither is probably very helpful. First, ask your sister what she thinks! If your sister is supportive, maybe go for it and wear what makes you (both) comfortable? Second, maybe go in a women's suit or a suit with feminine touches. I don't know what feminine touches really means as I've spent my whole life avoiding femininity and am currently doing everything I can to avoid wearing a dress at my own damned wedding - a wedding I kind of don't even want to have at this rate if I have to wear a dress to make the people who are paying for it happy. But I digress... I'm thinking maybe subtle touches like a women's shirt, the type with those wide collars that don't button with flowery prints, and maybe a jacket that flairs at the waist. Women's suit jackets have fewer buttons to accommodate shorter torsos, so maybe find a one or two button jacket. Then the pants could be fit differently. Maybe a little flaired? Sorry if that all sounds stupid. I've spent my whole life trying to get the opposite effect. Hopefully you get the idea though. I'm trying to say just throw in hints of your true gender if you don't think you can be yourself there. And try to have fun!
They do have female suits, I'm not sure what the difference is though but they do exist. So I'd recommend like above and ask your sister what she thinks, if she doesn't want the dress perhaps go for a women's suit?
Yeah, maybe a female suit... And a scarf instead of a tie. Perhaps you could benefit that it's a wedding and wear a really colourful / feminine scarf. I had to dress up for a funeral a while ago. Lucky me nobody was looking forward to take pictures or anything like that... I got rid of the dress afterwards. Looking at the bright side... It's a wedding. You have chances to have your drinks and a bit of fun there, as well as wearing bright colours! Congrats to your sister by the way.
What about a kilt? It feels like a skirt, but looks pretty masculine. I wouldn't mind it, but it could make you dysphoric (they are pretty manly). There are some fairly-nice blue ones that I have seen...
Honestly? Ask your sister. Dysphoria sucks, but it's her day and it's best to avoid any and all kind of drama that can come of it. Focus from attendees should be on her and her husband-to-be and not "why is her brother wearing a dress/feminine suit" which is, unfortunately, all that most of them will understand of the situation. So worst case scenario, I'd just suck it up and a wear a suit. It doesn't have to be like that though, but it completely depends on your sister. We transgenders like to be adamant and never back down when it comes down to our rights and our wishes--which is normally an excellent thing--but sometimes you gotta realize that it's not about you and that you need to sacrifice a little to make somebody you care about happy. There's not a whole lot of events I'd suggest that for, but a wedding is definitely one of them.
It is true that the wedding is the bride's day. The groom (if she is taking a groom) doesn't even get to have any attention. It sucks, but the only person who matters is her.
This is actually exactly the problem, I don't want to draw focus away from her, and honestly I don't know what answers I expected to get here. But still I thank you all for your replies, you've given me a lot to think about. Thanks everyone! (*hug*)
