Ever since i knew the difference between boys and girls i have felt kind of wrong. as a kid i would rather play with dolls and barbies with my younger cousin but always went and played with my brother and her brother instead. i would see girls in their cute dresses and cute girlie clothes with their hair done up nice and got really jealous that i couldnt wear them too. when i was about 11 or 12 i told my mom that i liked to wear panties but she just kept asking if i was gay and wouldnt really listen. i have got to the point where i really do not know what to do, where to go or who to talk to. i hate looking in the mirror and seeing this guy looking back and just wishing some how i would just magically change. i guess i have accepted that i will most likely live my life out as a male but will i ever stop hating my self? what confuses me even more is that i feel like a girl and like girlie stuff but i still like girls. :help::tears:
Hey Darling, Figuring out this stuff by yourself is a tricky thing to do, and its even harder when you've made sense of it and don't have anyone to talk to. Have you looked into counselors or therapists in your area? They could probably help you sort out some things and point you in the right direction. If you're still in school, the school likely has free counselors available or if you could get over to your local lgbt center they could help you too. And what you'v described goes to show that gender and sexuality are two separate things. So if you identify as female, and are attracted to only women, that would mean you could adopt the label lesbian. But you don't have to, you can identify however you see fit. It can be hard to go at all of this alone, and it can take a lot out of you; if you ever need to or want chat about gender I'd be happy to listen and offer up some advice, just shoot me a wall message or you can just ask me in this forum. Stay strong my dear, and I hope things get better for you soon (*hug*) ~Wesley
Welcome to EC first. Well, you are here talking to us, and I'm glad you joined the forum. I know how it feels to have nobody to talk to about gender, that's why I'm here. At first I wasn't expecting much from EC, but they surprised me : So far everyone has been helpful, kind and patient.This is more than a forum, it's a community, and people here is very genuine. So now you have somebody to share your thoughts with, you are not on your own here, trust me. I've been there before, and even worse... I aspired to fit an ideal that it's beyond my capabilities now, 'cause I'm too old for all this. When you are younger, your chances of sucess are higher. You don't need to spend the rest of your life living somebody else's life. You can take control here and now, and make the changes you need to be happy and fullfilled. It is the way to go. The more you try to push it on the background and "forget it" the worse it'll become. That is what happened to me for decades. I should have done things differently, but it's scary, specially if your enviroment is against all LGBT. You don't hate yourself really, what you hate is lying... Being fake instead of being yourself. That's where the self hate comes from, and no... It doesn't "go away" only by wishing, you need to go through this and become yourself. We have here more than one lesbian, and there is nothing wrong with that. You can be a girl who likes girls. We also have gay guys here. And then you have people like me, who is going through changes, or to be more precise, people who are perhaps bi at heart and have "moments" when they feel more attracted to one gender, and then it changes... Anything is possible when it comes to sexual orientation. Whatever you do, please don't try to run away from this. I know you feel scared, but there is nothing to be afraid or ashamed of. Wes gave you good advice, try to reach out some LGBT center IRL, or call the Trans help line. It is anonymous and to talk with somebody on the phone about all this will make you feel way better. Also don't feel hurt when your mom doesn't get it. Her reaction is not meant to hurt you, she is probably trying to understand but she doesn't have the right data to begin with. You could check PFLAG online, they have good info there. I hope you feel a bit better. There is hope for you, and for all of us. Nobody should spend their lives afraid and lying, everybody has a right to happiness. If you keep being as strong as you are now, and keep reaching out for help, you'll get out of this mess. Don't forget you are not on your own.
First off, congratulations on coming this far. EC is a great help to me, even if it's just seeing that I'm not the only one. The sexuality and gender both thing, really, really had me confused at first. But gender in one thing, and sexuality is a different thing. Everyone sees me as a straight girl, but I'm really a gay boy. Maybe most trans people are straight, but that's just because straight people are the majority of the population. Not everyone can be this fabulous. I've seen lots of trans lesbians on this site, and I can't remember her name, but there is a trans lesbian comedienne. I didn't think I'd find any trans gay guys, but I did within the first day or two of joining. ---------- Post added 28th Mar 2015 at 10:30 AM ---------- Her name is Andrea Gibson.
thank you for all the advice and kind words. as far as lgbt support groups there isnt much for that where i live. i live in a rather small very redneck town where nearly every one knows every one and i work in retail and at this point i would be horrified if it came out. i have one friend who i know wouldnt care and would be totally accepting but i cant even bring my self to tell her. a couple years ago i decided to stop shaving my head (would do it as short as i could with hair clippers) and have been going to get it cut and left at about ear length. its been about a year since i have went and got it cut partly because i cant afford it and well partly because i really want to let it grow out (would love to have shoulder length hair). i have a beard and a fair amount of body hair witch i guess i wear as a sort armour to help hide who i really am (not that i would get rid of all my body hair any ways hehehe). i guess in a way i have come out and said i am a girl but when ever i do most people think i am being a smart ass to hit on lesbians and bi women. usually i say stuff like yea i have always been a lesbian in a mans body or stuff like that. as a kid i would get really mad when a substitute teacher would accidentally call me christina and not christian (wich i have also always said i hate because of how girlie it sounds). i have managed to get to the point where i dont even say any thing when some one jokingly calls me a girl and now it actually make me kind of happy even though i know they are just joking. once again i still cant believe how kind and accepting you all are. you are all going to make me cry hehehe.
First of all welcome here, I can relate to parts of your story.. i like it too when people tell me i am like a girl. It's not my plan to transition at the moment but i don't know what life brings in the future. I live in a very small town and i get looks from people now and then but i don't care anymore, everybody deserves to live a happy life. I'm a bit complicated because i feel not only girly but a little bit boyish too( about 80% girly and 20% boyish) but i definitely like girls. Like other people already said, gender and sexual preference are totally different. Just don't go hiding, it won't work for sure (tried it for about twenty years). It's a long and confusing way bet it pays off in the end. And the community here is always there to help you or just listen/talk to you. You can always send me a wall message if you want to talk
