I already posted here just a few days ago, but now I have a different question. I am rather young, just to start off. Starting at an all new high school after summer this year, but I'm already 14. Recently I've been questioning all things gender, and have found that sometimes I really would like to be a boy. Then, usually in the middle of class or some other very public place, I get mixed up in a bunch of feelings because I don't really want to stop being a girl. I have moved from thinking that I might be gender fluid to seriously considering that I am transgender. It has caused some minor depressive symptoms to worsen and I, in the simplest words, don't like it. One of the main factors that plays into my confusion is my childhood— which I haven't really left, but that's not the point. As a young girl, because that's what I identified as then, I had no qualms about my gender. I lingered on 'what would be my name if I was a boy' questions, but not enough to feel different, or like a boy. I've been in the same school since I was four, with the exact same friends, who are pretty much all girls. There are a few boys I am friends with, and I find myself wanting to be closer to them than the girls. Not to say I would ditch my friendships to hang out with a boy, but it would be nice to. Next school year I am starting at a new school, with only two people I know there. It will be a fresh start, or clean slate, or something. I might use it to start over with a new sort of gender expression. So, I leave you with three questions. One, if I never felt really uncomfortable with being a girl as a child, could I still be trans? Two, how can I change my gender expression without coming out? And three, is it possible to bind secretly at school and hide it from my parents? Ah, sorry I rambled. Thanks in advance for any responses!
It sounds like we're in similar situations. When I was little, I had no questions whether or not I was a girl. Now I'm fourteen and have been questioning my gender for three years. Initially I thought I might be genderfluid, but at this point I've realized I'm totally transgender. I've been secretly binding and packing using primitive methods, like socks and layers of undershirts. This summer, I'm planning to get a Visa gift card and order actual supplies to arrive on a day when my mom isn't home. So yes, that is definitely possible, it just requires some stealth. X3 Expressing your gender is easier than it sounds; you don't even have to say anything. Just say you want to cut your hair shorter, and stop wearing feminine clothes. If your parents won't let you cut your hair too short for some reason, do it a little at a time. Hope this helped, and if you have anymore questions I'd be happy to help! :3
You are correct in saying you could still be trans, as everyone has different experiences with growing up and their gender confusions ect.. But all I would say is to be careful what you say about it yet. Be who you are and express yourself freely at your new school. If you wish to say you are unsure of your gender and would like to use gender neutral pronouns that is up to you. I just want to point out how common it is for people, especially biologically female ones to get to this age and have these feelings. They then think they must immediately 'do' something about it, and probably dive a little too deep into it for lack of better words. People find out then as they get older they change their mind as such and end up ridiculed by peers. A lot of people won't admit they thought they were trans* then changed their mind. In now way am I invalidating the fact you could be transgender, and if you want to bind then go for it. I just think you should be careful because your peers probably won't be as understanding as the EC community. As for tips on binding, I always did it with a bandage and tape when I was in school. Its not the most effective way but until having a binder that's the best I came up with. Just be careful on how tight and the length of time it's worn for. I hope you find way to express yourself in ways you enjoy and feel comfortable and enjoy, and figure yourself out soon enough.
