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Maybe I'm not as cisgender as I thought...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by sappho06, Mar 31, 2015.

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  1. sappho06

    sappho06
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    Hey all :slight_smile:

    Lately, I've been feeling about weird about certain things. I don't exactly understand the whole trans, genderfluid and stuff, but I'll do some research at some point. I've never been "feminine", but I've never questionned my gender. I have some blurry childhood memories which come back from time to time. One is when I was really young, I tried to pee standing up and it ended up all over the floor, amd the teacher was kind of angry. Another is still when I was small, I was at the doctor and had this whole conversation about being a tumboy and my parents were laughing in an embarassed way.

    Anyway, I'm 15 now, out as lesbian. I'm very tall and have a strong build. I really like dressing as a guy when I get home. Well, I brush my hair back, wear baggy jeans, a shirt and a tie. I love it! Maybe I just like crossdressing... The thing is, if I could, I'd be a muscly guy that wears suits. I'm already quite muscly, but am a bit overweight and have feminine shapes.

    My friends always joke about how I'm "such a guy", and I kinda like that. I've been wearing sports bras, and I prefer those. I want to cut my hair really short, but my parents probably wouldn't be so comfortable about it (even though they're very supportive). I haven't worn makeup since I don't know how long. And one day, a friend of mine managed to put nailpolish on me (I'd agreed for fun) and it felt sooo wrong. I scratched it off withing the next hour.

    I don't really know what I'm trying to say, or ask, but I hope someone here understands for me. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Thanks :slight_smile:
     
    #1 sappho06, Mar 31, 2015
  2. NingyoBroken

    NingyoBroken Guest

    Hm, well 15 is when I came out as a (transsexual) guy. It seems to be a common age.

    Do you feel uncomfortable with being called "she", "female", "girl", "woman"? Do you want to live as a man?
     
    #2 NingyoBroken, Mar 31, 2015
  3. sappho06

    sappho06
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    I'm ok with it when I'm not in the conversation. But if someone says something like "You're becoming a beautiful young woman", I don't like it.

    ---------- Post added 31st Mar 2015 at 09:27 AM ----------

    I don't want to live as a man, but I don't really want to look like a woman. If that makes any sense...
     
    #3 sappho06, Mar 31, 2015
  4. Folieadeux

    Folieadeux
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    Good job for coming this far!

    I would recommend asking yourself a bunch of questions at this point, like how you want to be perceived in public, how do you imagine yourself to be in the future (those are really crappy questions, but hopefully you get the gist!)

    I'm only 13, and I plan on coming out to my parents sometime next month, so you don't need to worry about being a certain age to be valid, etc. Because any age is valid!
     
    #4 Folieadeux, Mar 31, 2015
  5. Sweetberry

    Sweetberry
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    Cut your hair!!! It's so liberating! I recently did (like Decemeber). I had been wanting to do it forever! But everyone would say things like "oh no, your hair is so long, it's so pretty." I didn't tell anyone I was going to do it. I just came home with short hair one day lol It was great. I think if it's something you see yourself doing for you and it will make you feel more like you- do it!!!! I had lots of people gasp and ask why, my reply was "It was time, felt right." (!):thumbsup::icon_bigg
     
    #5 Sweetberry, Apr 3, 2015
  6. Groosenator

    Groosenator
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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
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    Out Status:
    Some people
    I think it is important to know the difference between gender identity and gender expression. You can be a female and even be straight (you aren't of course, but hypothetically) and still have short hair and wear manly clothes and sports bras, etc. That doesn't say anything about who you are, just about your preferences.

    The question of whether or not you are cis is about how you feel inside. Do you feel like your physical body is wrong for you? Does it make you uncomfortable when people refer to you as a female? Would you be happier if people recognized you as male or if you had a more masculine body? These are the questions more relevant to whether you are transgender.

    The other things may go hand in hand with being trans, but not necessarily. You can be masculine without being male. Take as much time as you need to figure it out. Only you can know if you are trans or not because it is about how you feel, not about what you like.
     
    #6 Groosenator, Apr 3, 2015
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