1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

misgendering rant

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by earthlvr510, Mar 31, 2015.

  1. earthlvr510

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2013
    Messages:
    156
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NH
    I havnt been on here in ages, but just needed to rant a bit to people who will understand. I came out to one of my favorite professors at school, who is also my boss, last semester and she seemed really receptive. She has used male pronouns, with only a few slip ups ever since, and is the only professor other than my womens and gender studies professors to do so. I actually prefer they/them and was planning on asking her to switch sometime before the end of the semester, i just havnt found the right time to bring it up. Today though, she was suggesting ideas for grants and she kept suggesting one group that provided grants for women in college. Women. At first i wasnt sure if i misunderstood and it was an open grant but i asked and she said, with out blinking, that yes in fact it was only available to women. It didnt even occur to her that that might be offensive and degrading. It's just really, really depressing that even though some people may use the pronouns you ask for, treat you at least on the surface as the gender you say you are but in the end, many of them never actually see you as anything other then the gender you were assigned at birth. I cant believe that i didnt say anything either. And this came right as i was about to ask her to start using neutral pronouns too. if she couldnt used male pronouns and mean it then how the hell can i expect her to use neutral ones? I know i should probably go back and talk to her about it but it just royally sucks when someone who you look up to and you think accepts you tosses something like that at you. :tantrum:
     
  2. Kalub Alec Ross

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2015
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    WorldWideWeb
    I'm so so so sorry that happened to you!

    I hate that so much - it's never happened to me in person, but I'll get emails from scholarship sites that generate automatic lists based on the demographics you provide (I have to provide F since that's my legal sex and I would need the money to transfer over properly if I ended up receiving anything).

    But I read your story and I feel it. Mainly because it's a person you trust who's doing it. It sucks because someone can be the nicest, most respectful person in the world, but just doesn't get it. And might never ever get it. It sounds like she doesn't realize what a big deal it is, and that's probably because she can't relate or doesn't even know she should be trying to understand.

    It's also hard because when you're in the moment, you're so taken aback that you just forget what to say. Any time I'm misgendered, especially by people who know I'm trans, I end up not being able to articulate anything.

    I don't really have advice for you I'm sorry, but I wanted to let you know that I can relate and that your being upset is completely valid and that it does suck <3