Hello! I am currently still in the closet about my gender identity, and in the time it's been since I came to terms with it dressing as more of a tomboy has been enough to suppress the body dysphoria I feel on my male days. However, recently I have been feeling the need to fully express myself as male on such days but since I am not out I don't know how to go about it. I only dress in more masculine clothing when I am alone, and haven't ever felt that I could tell these feelings to anyone since I have never actually met anyone who wasn't cis. I actually ordered a binder online recently (which I am super excited about!! But it is still in processing) but I don't really have any real intention of wearing it in public or trying to pass as male with anyone around. I am just too scared and I don't know how people could understand that one day I am female and another I am male, or even days when I am neither. I guess what I really wanted to get input on is from anyone in similar situations and how you can function daily with dressing to your gender and explaining it to people or reactions you get. Also, I currently have found romantic interest in a guy at my school but that only makes me feel like I have to suppress these feelings even more because I doubt he will understand and he won't want a partner who is sometimes a guy. I'm pretty sure he likes me as a girl but that he would totally be freaked out if I told him my real identity and I really just want to feel normal. :help:
Well, I'm not trying to come off as rude here, I'm sorry if I do. But most people just out in the public don't really care how you dress. So, unless you decide to go about in something completely ridiculous, I doubt anyone will comment. I've never gotten comments about wearing cargo shorts, or lined flannels. Well, no negative comments. The most I really get is "oh, you have lots of pockets" or "that looks warm". Unless you mean around other teenagers or people in your general age range at school or in any large group. In which case, they might not care, or they might be complete assholes. With me, the "is that a men's shirt?" (said in a very condescending tone) only secured me in my feelings. Damn gay it's a men's shirt. But that was in a church youth group I am no longer part of. If people closer to you comment you can always just say "this is just what I felt like today." You don't have to explain anymore than that until you want to. If they keep talking about it you can just say "I don't know, I just like it, it's comfy".
Thanks! That really does help! I guess I was just kind of afraid of people calling me out mostly or saying that I am a girl dressed like a boy. I don't know how to explain to like my family who are very uneducated in LGBT affairs that my pronouns change sometimes daily as well or really how I would explain it to them at all.
If you live in a really conservative area you might want to be a little cautious, but in general I doubt you'll get too much trouble for wearing a little more masculine attire. As for this guy you like... I would listen hard to your own words and make a choice for yourself. On the one hand, maybe he will be perfectly accepting and that would be great. But on the other hand, he may not be, and that gives you two choices: Suppress yourself indefinitely or leave him/find someone else. Because this is who you are, if he is not accepting, I think you would be better off finding someone who will accept you. It's not worth pretending to be someone you are not. Partnerships should be mutually respectful and accepting. If they are not, there is something wrong. What I'm trying to say is... who you are takes priority over who you are with. Don't settle for someone even if you like them if they are not going to be accepting of who you are. Wishing the best for you and fingers crossed that it won't be an issue with the guy you like.
I'm glad I could help. Honestly, if you aren't ready yet, you don't have to say anything. It's good to meet you. I take it you're into Sherlock. So, you probably have learned how to be patient.
As far as clothing/dressing: You should try wearing the things that make you feel like you slowly but surely. I started doing this recently actually. Although Idk the reason behind it, I really enjoy men's clothing. Not more than women's but just sometimes it's more "me", I recently started to borrow some of my brothers clothes and just wearing them out and about on errands, when I'm not with people who know me closely. It made me feel a bit better about wearing men's clothing around people I care about. As of now, no one has mentioned it to me really, it's like they don't care that some days I wear backwards caps and whatnot. It's just business as usual. If they do say something like :why?, I think I will simply answer because it feels right to me. And i guess if they love me their reply will be "ok." haha. It will be ok. I say go for it
Thank you all for the great advice! I do feel better, and I am going to continue to try and build my confidence so I can be myself no matter who is around!
