I just had the second conversation with my dad about being transgender following a show on transgender children. He seemed surprised by the fact I was transgender, and told me that he thinks dysphoria is made up and just something people think they have. He says that people of both sexes get equal opportunities nowadays so trying to change someone's body, pronouns etc. is a waste of time and effort. Can you suggest ways in which I can get him to believe in dysphoria, without angering him? Also, on a relatively unrelated note, do you know how long it takes for a Gender Identity Clinic to respond once you've been referred to them. Thanks for your time!
Try showing him the NHS website. They have several articles on dysphoria and transgender issues. Next time he says something, you could respond with a mini-speech - just talk about how you feel in a passionate way and he may be persuaded if he is that kind of guy. And I have no idea about the referral time.
Hi Noel, while I agree with Jack about giving the NHS website a shot, it might not work if he has already heard the term "dysphoria" and is dismissing it. He might not give doctors and psychiatrists much credit, and the NHS is just something put together by doctors and psychiatrists. I hope it does though. I have found with people, rather than trying to use a word they don't fully understand, just explaining in your own words how you feel, and the problems you have, as best you can. Wait until you know he is willing to listen too, timing counts for a lot. I know we reflexively try to hide how we feel when someone says something that hurts, but try not to every now and then. The more real and raw you are, the more he sees how much this affects your day to day life, the easier it will be for him to understand. If I am right, then it has to come from you, his son, not from a lot of studies and statistics and people talking. From your heart. It may also be that he just doesn't want you to be trans, because he's scared you'll have a hard life. Remember that you are not just arguing against ideas. You are arguing against his feelings. If you are not confident in who you are, all he is going to hear is that lack of confidence, and that will make him more scared. If you know that this is going to make your life better, or even possible, and you are determined to be yourself with or without his help, he will hear that confidence. Even if he doesn't lend his support right away, he will probably approach you with a little more curiosity and openness. You are a man. I and everyone here sees a man. If your dad can't see it, that's okay, that doesn't change who you are. I live in the U.S. so I can't really help with your second question.
I think it's safe to say he's wrong about both things there. First I'd show him just how equal genders are in today's world. I.E. not at all. Then I'd try to explain to him that your gender isn't about society at all. It's your gender. Not anything to do with anyone else. Then again I'm so deep in the closet I'm ruling Narnia so.
Ask him how he would feel if he woke up as a woman. That should get him to understand atleast somewhat.
