Okay so for a while now I've been feeling confused about my gender. (Please forgive me if I get anything wrong, I'm somewhat new to this and I don't know everything) My birth gender is female, but I often find myself questioning if I'm male or female. It started back when I was around 10 or so. I often thought "Was I meant to be a boy?" because I always had a deeper voice than other girls in my class, and they would make fun of me for it. I also thought I looked like a man. I just continued to call myself female though, as I was young and didn't really know much about that sort of stuff. Now that I've been learning about different gender identities and such, I'm not so sure.. I'm currently 14, identifying as female (I guess) here's the problem. (sorry if this is really scattered or off point, I'm not too good at organizing my thoughts) I've been wanting to cut my hair short for a while now (above my ears. Somewhat like Tyler Oakleys. I've always liked that hair style and plus it'd be easy to manage. Or at least I think) some days I want to, because I feel like I should be a boy. But then other days I feel okay as a girl, and I'm okay with keeping my long hair that I have right now (it's past my shoulders). Sorry if this sounds stupid I don't really know how to explain. But a while ago, I was talking to my friend (somehow I had gotten the name Danny on my mind) and I said "call me Danny" or something like that, and it's been a 'joke' between us since. My birth name is Kathren (people call me Katie) but I'm not really fond of that name.. I like Danny much better.(I've started using on my social media sites that aren't connected to family or IRL friends) I've taken to liking men's clothing, and I like shopping in the men's section in stores for things like button ups sweaters and things like that. Don't get me wrong I still like things in the women's section and shop there too, but lately I've been looking in the men's section much more. I've tried talking to people about this before (sort of.. I didn't really full on say it because I'm not sure if they'd accept me) and they just kind of blew it off or said something about "It's just a phase". So I'm not sure if it actually is.. or if I'm actually genderfluid ect. I'm not very comfortable talking to my family about things like this (they don't even know I'm bi) so that's kind of out of the question.. but basically I'm asking for help Do you guys think it's 'just a phase' or do I really sound like I'm genderfluid? (that's what I'm assuming anyway) Any helpful advice or anything like that would be much appreciated. This has been bothering me for a while and I want to figure out.
First of all, I think it's very impressive that you are working out your gender identity so young. Kudos to you; I'm twenty, and just getting there myself. Secondly, I want you to know something that I've learned about phases: they are important. Even if you only experience something temporarily, you still experienced it in that time, and that experience was valid, okay? This idea that phases are something to be dismissed or made light of is, to me, very silly. We all go through different kinds of phases, and they help us grow. I can not tell you what is in your own head; you really need to be honest with yourself, and dig deep. I can tell you that you should look inward for things that make you feel like one gender or another, other than personal style. For example, do you sometimes truly feel like a boy, or is it more that you feel masculine? If you are in a position to seek gender therapy or counseling, I strongly encourage it. Having a person who is trained in this sort of thing, and can ask you the right questions, can be incredibly helpful. If you can't, turn to credible online sources (please be careful-- there's a lot of bad/outdated information out there that will just make you 100% more confused or frustrated. Been there. Not fun.) Good luck, and keep your head up-- you'll get there in the end!
Hello, and welcome Danny. I'm still kinda new myself, so hi. Well, you could be genderfluid or trans, from what you've posted I'd say likely one of those, but no one can know for sure but you. Gender ID is not easy to figure out. <---understatement of the year. So don't feel like you have to have all the answers now. You seem pretty well organized, actually. I question off and on pretty much all the time. You've got guts if you've brought this up to anyone, it's hard. I'm only out to two very close, very accepting friends, and my heart was still pounding when I talked to them about it. It's rough, because you're tryin to figure out who you are and where you fit in the world, and people say things like "it's just a phase", or they kind of dismiss you. People are too hung up on gender ideas like maab=boy and afab=girl and things like that, they aren't usually trying to be hurtful, but that can be how it ends up. You seem like you're on the right path. I know it's not too helpful, but my best advice for your situation from what I've got would just be to keep on like you are going. Wear whatever you're most comfortable in, be who you are, not what somebody else wants, and just take your time figuring this out. Welcome again to EC!
For now, the best advice I can give you are these two steps: #1: Keep doing what you're doing. Do what feels right, and don't do things that feel wrong. #2: Since you have taken enough time to analyze yourself and your gender at a pretty young age, you obviously have enough self-awareness to think critically about your preferences. From time to time, sit down and ask yourself "why" the things that feel right to you feel the way they do, and do the same for the things that don't feel right. Don't be discouraged if you can't find immediate answers. It will help you to see your thoughts in writing though, and it may help you feel more at peace with yourself and your way of life.
It sounds like you could be generfluid or bigender to me. Don't worry about it being 'just a phase' or not, either way the most important thing is to be happy with who you are right now. If that changes in the future, don't worry
