Okay, so, I was born female. That's sure enough, but I realise that it's definitely not the be-all and end-all of gender. Being female-bodied is fine by me, but often I don't feel totally female. My style is quite masculine: I've been a tomboy all my life, pretty much. I wear boys' clothes and when I was younger I played with stereotypically 'boyish' toys. I feel happy when people mistake me for a boy, which happens fairly often, and it makes me a little bit annoyed when someone who I'm with says, "No, she's a girl." It's just the word 'girl' that I really hate. I don't feel like it's a word I identify with. Can anyone help me make head and tail of this? Is there a word that describes how I feel? Thank you.
I dunno if it'll do much good to simply give you a word that suits your feelings, and be done with it. Instead, a question based on what you've said: you feel happy when people mistake you for a boy. Would you still feel happy if they weren't making a mistake when they said you were a boy? If you don't like the word girl and you don't feel it describes you, I can kinda relate in the opposite sense. I hate being called a boy. I hate people saying "boys will be boys" and shit like that to describe what I like, what I do, and who I am. I feel like they're perceiving me on nothing but a misleading surface level ... as if their understanding of fake-ass gender roles gives them a comprehensive guide to my whole being. Tell me if I'm right about you feeling a similar sense of strong annoyance and dissatisfaction on the "social interaction" level. Another thing to note is that you differ from me with how you seem quite content with your body. So there's that to keep in mind. That would indicate the following: on the spectrum of "I am a boy" vs "I am a girl," you likely rest somewhere along the "I am a boy" spectrum somewhere. If it's a word you're looking for that describes what you feel, something with "boy" in the term probably wouldn't be far off. At the end of the day you go by the title you feel best suits you. Letting other people enforce the rules and boundaries of what you can call yourself and how you have to act to fit a title, I think goes against the principles of individual self-discovery/identification. I know I likely didn't provide you any straightforward or satisfying answers. But hopefully this will encourage you to continue thinking critically about your gender as it appears you've been doing so far.
Thank you for your help, Jellal. I'm just thinking about it a bit more now. I am pretty frustrated with gender roles and how definite these terms have to be. The whole idea of gender frustrates me somewhat. Thing is, I don't want to really be male. If I woke up and found I have a male body, I'd be really weirded-out and upset. I want to be seen as a boy, called a boys' name etc, but I don't want to 'officially' be a boy. I hope this helps, I feel like what I've written makes no sense.
Ultimately I really only have my own experience to go by, so I do comparisons between you and me ... it's the best I've got. Sooooooooo... You want to be seen as a boy. I can relate, I want to be seen as a girl. You want to be called a boy's name. I can relate, I want to be called a girl's name. You DON'T want to officially be a boy. I can KINDA relate ... I know I'm not 100% a girl. Though when it comes to waking up and finding out I had a female body, I'd be thrilled ... definitely it would be weird having my wishes granted magically, just like that. But if I didn't think about how improbable it was I'd be very happy. That being said. The reason I say I'm not 100% a girl is that what's between my legs doesn't bother me one bit. I'm fine with it. But I still want all that other stuff. Maybe this makes me not officially a girl, which is why here on EC, for accuracy's sake, I use the label demigirl. I don't use it with the people I've come out to IRL because I figured it would be easier for them to see me as a girl and treat me that way if I just told them I was a trans girl. So really the demigirl label is just for my own personal convenience ... has it given me some confidence in who I am? I guess so. Maybe you're a demiboy? But again, these are just words! To me it sounds like they originated on tumblr, so I sure don't use them because I think they're hoity-toity legitimate scientific words. They're words used for describing things that I think are more governed by feelings than logic. At the end of the day I just feel strongly about who I am and that's the final word as far as my own personal gender is concerned. So don't feel too discouraged if you feel what you've written makes no sense. A lot of the time I find myself dealing with self doubt because at a certain point, sense stops working. Sense hits dead ends. Doing what feels right is the best way to "know thyself," I believe.
Cheers for the help. Demiboy seems to make sense, but I'm starting to distrust the importance of labels really. I'll start reading up a bit on these gender terms.
Well, I think there's at least one broad word/label that would suit you: Non-binary. You don't identify with being 100% boy or 100% girl. And do read up, it's interesting stuff Cheeers
Reciprocal, It is really hard to say at your age, it could be something you grow out of or not. Just be open minded to any possibility and go with it. Because from the sound of it you enjoy expressing masculine personality but not necessarily dismissing part of the your feminine side. In my world ( not an official term ) I call it dual gendered, i am not 100% either one. The dressing and going out as a female is just a tool to help express that part of my personality. Gender for some us is not a cut and dry thing...it is fluid. hope it helps and best of luck.
Thanks. I thought that my age might be part of why I'm confused, especially as I'm going through puberty and everyone my age is 'creating an identity' for themselves, making new nicknames and buying new clothes, that sort of thing. I'm really happy that everyone on here is so supportive and friendly.
Yes dear don't put too much stress on yourself trying to box in what others think. Just be you and in due time it will become crystal clear.
