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i dont understand what i am or should be

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by chilipepper, Apr 9, 2015.

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  1. chilipepper

    chilipepper
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    essex
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I realise the title of my post probably comes across as though I question my gender identity. That isn't the problem. I love being a girl etc, I just have no clue how to express myself. It probably sounds stupid and pathetic, but nowadays the way we dress is such an integral part of who we are. When I was in the closet, I felt it was necessary to hint to people before I was out that I was gay. This involved wearing stereotypically 'lesbian' attire - beanies, flannel shirts and all the rest. I use the term 'stereotpyical' loosely; I wasn't attempting to be the stereotype of a lesbian, I was no doubt comfortable in these types of clothing - its just now that im pretty much out, I don't feel its as necessary to dress in this way, or I at least let myself want to dress 'girly'. I know theres that whole 'fuck the labels' way of thinking, and I really wish I could have that attitude, but the fact is I care what people think of me. It brings me no shame being gay, I think being gay has very little to do with my issue now that im out in fact; but I find it SO difficult to wear a certain 'style' consistently - i'm constantly dressing masculine then feminine and friend recently made a comment about it and its completely reinforced my insecurities. The truth is, I really don't know myself; I have no clue of what 'style' is me (or how to consistently dress in one style), some days I want to wear a floral print dress but then others I want to wear boyish clothes. If someone just TOLD me what to wear, what style I look best in, i'd be fine, but my mind is so indecisive and isecure....hopefully my problem is decipherable within all of this, but I really need to talk to someones whos had/has the same kind of problem, or just anyone who is willing to give advice.
    thanks x
     
    #1 chilipepper, Apr 9, 2015
  2. Eden Locke

    Eden Locke
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    I'm exactly the same in how I dress and feel like dressing - though I have to say, after many years I'm finally at the stage where I don't let it bother me. Swinging from "masculine" to "feminine" dress as you like is fine in fact I think it's really fun and it reflects what I feel like inside. If you're worried about it confusing people... well all I can say is people get used to it really quickly! And honestly, because I've spent years trying to find it, I don't think there's such a thing as 'the style that looks good on you all the time' or even one that could sum up everything that you are. I would hate to have to pick between being the feminine me (who can be stupidly girly) and masculine me.

    That said, I totally get the worrying about what people think. I feel cripplingly self-conscious some days and in different ways. It can feel like a betrayal not to 'look gay' and other days people stare at you like you're making a statement when you're just wearing comfy masculine stuff because you feel like it. You just gotta build up your armor I guess... though I've not managed it yet.
     
    #2 Eden Locke, Apr 9, 2015
  3. chilipepper

    chilipepper
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Thank you so much, it's really nice to hear from someone who understands. It's just a difficulty on a day to day basis that I feel like I'm worrying about all the time...I know it's not something that will be instantly solved, but I really appreciate your reply I think it's helpful to know there's a chance I can get used to it.
     
    #3 chilipepper, Apr 10, 2015
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