Hi, I'm new to the site here. I'll preface my post by saying I'm not entirely sure if this is the right forum for me to be at. So bare with me. I'm 22, male. I've been out of the closet since my sophomore year in high school. (Partly the reason this may be the wrong place to be posting) I was pretty unhappy in high school, mostly because I was the only openly gay guy there. But ever since then, I've been a happy, "straight-acting" gay man. I got into a serious relationship, found out who I was, you know; the whole college thing. Well the relationship didn't work out and I'm back home. I'm surrounded by friends and family who support and love me for who I am. But I have the opposite problem than probably most other people on this forum. While my friends and family love me for who I am, I don't. I hate being gay. I dont want to hate it, but I do. I dont care if other people are gay, I'm not homophobic, but I just wish I were straight. Or that I'd been born a girl, if i have to be attracted to men. I know is nothing i can change, but I just get really upset about it and needed a place to talk about it. What do you folks think? If this is the completely wrong place for this, I'm sorry. Maybe someone could direct me to another place?
Maybe this would be a more appropriate board, but close enough I guess. Either way I'm glad to be the first to welcome you. You said you hate being gay, but you never said why. Is it just the different-ness of it and relative isolation? Or something else?
I don't mind being different. It may be worth mentioning that I didn't always hate it. But I think you've hit the nail on the head with feeling isolated. I feel like i don't fit in anywhere. All my friends have their romances, and their straight friends who understand them. I've got me. My girl friends sort of relate to me, but only on a sexual level (because we all like the same sex) I have all these straight friends. I just wanna be like them. They don't deal with all the stuff that comes with being gay.
Identifying as a sexual minority is work. I'm 47, and I just came to grips with myself in the past few months (really, mostly this week). So, I understand that it is difficult. You may want to try to get in touch with a therapist/counselor who can help you. You can be like them in the sense that you have the same interests and if they are true, good friends-- it won't matter what orientation you are. But I know, the hesitation, the doubt even at my age when I think about telling my best friend who I've known for 15 years.
