So I've always been like half Tom boy half super feminine girl and it's just back and forth. I'm pretty feminine sometimes but I feel like I'm one of the guys. Regardless I'm super scared. I'm a Christian and my dad was a pastor until he had a stroke. My family is very homophobic and I'm super close to them so I'm terrified of losing them ---------- Post added 13th Apr 2015 at 12:58 AM ---------- Can anyone help?
What do you need advice on? Your gender expression has no impact on your sexuality, if that is what you are asking about. But if you are talking about gender identity, I really need more information to make any kind of judgement, or give advice. If you think that in any way your parents could harm or disown you, don't tell them. Your safety is first here. Try testing the waters. Bring up the death of Ryan Skipper or Leelah Alcorn. If they say homophobic / transphobic things, don't tell them about yourself. If they seem fine, maybe test some more. Ask if they have any LGBT friends "for a school project", or if you can attend a "Gay Straight Alliance" style group to support LGBT people.
Okay well as for my parents they wouldn't know who they are. To be honest I don't either. But I already know that they don't deal with homosexuality very well let alone trans issues. My mom says it all makes her feel sick because she says it's so wrong. she took my phone just for supporting gay rights. I hate it and hated it then because even when I wasn't questioning I was definitely very supportive of LGBT rights issues. I know I can't come out at least not in high school. One of my good friends at work knows. But I waited until I knew he was absolutely safe before I told him. He was so supportive. I don't know what I would have done otherwise. He gave me good advice that really helped as far as what to start with. And I'm home schooled so I can't really get involved in any school stuff. But anyway I guess I just have days I feel like i am more of a guy and days I feel more like I'm a girl. It just depends on what the day is. I don't know why or if it means anything but I just don't know what to do with all of it. I just feel like I'm supposed to be a guy sometimes
Are you dependant on them? If so, don't tell them. If you are going to be hurt, you should never come out. Some christians are anti-alternate sexualities, but pro-alternate gender identities / expressions. Maybe exploring that with them isn't the best course of action, though. It's an awkward situation. Do you think bringing up Leelah Alcorn's death would trigger them to be violent? Just say that people at school mentioned it and they said they pitied her. (For reference Leelah Alcorn was a transgender female, who came out to her christian family. They rejected her & forced her to attend conversion therapy, and she then committed suicide.) Ask if they think God will forgive her, or something. If they start suspecting anything, say that you disapprove of her or something like that. You would think that would be a safe line of questioning. (Maybe the story of a person who didn't commit suicide would be better.) I can't really think of what to do here except nothing. If you just want to talk to people, do that online. Hide this account, lock your computer and stay logged out of the site when not using it. Or talk to someone at school. In short, don't tell them about you, but mentioning something about the concept of transgenderism as a one off could be fine. As long as you don't regularly talk about it. Good luck. Ps. Thank you, Triflow, for calling me a lady. I don't know why, but that especially touched me. I guess I just regularly get misgendered to the point where I am used to it.
Yeah I'm 16. And my mom doesn't understand and she thinks its stupid and "perverted". I'm home schooled but I could bring it up and say I heard about it at work. And I could even deal with them disowning me but not having to live with their disgust. They're not violent but they have hurt me deeply just with other things and comments about the LGBT community
No need at all to thank me, honey <3 Very general tips from me: Don't be too risky with outing yourself. However, never lie to yourself either. If you sometimes feel like a guy, then that is a part of you, to an extent that only you know atm. If you someday happen to stop feeling that way, then so do you, but do take care not to let anyone make you change. Stay in touch online and, if you're together with someone you trust, you can try opening up to some people IRL. Take it one step at a time and try to keep a smile on your face! Also, you can grab someone and wall them if you've many questions, e.g. me or the lovely girl above Cheerio!
No probs. I'm always happy to help someone out! Maybe try to explain to her why it is not perverted, if you get to that stage in a convo. As long as you don't push it, or imply anything, that should be fine, I would imagine. Does she like India as a country, or Native Americans? Because they are all culturally accepting / tolerant of transgender people. (It seems pretty specific, but this actually helped with me telling my mom.) Triflow has pretty much said everything else there is to say there. In terms of your gender identity, it sounds like you could be genderfluid? I am not a big fan of labels - especially at a stage like this - but sometimes they help. I would think that should be discussed some other time, on another thread. (Preferably with a little more information, if possible.) Anyhow, good luck with everything!
I'll try. It comes up pretty often at my house which is why it's been so hard. I'll start by using the argument one of her favorite christian tv shows that is actually homophobic but I once heard him say that a woman or man can on rare occasions be trapped in the wrong body. I'm going to try to find that clip and show it to her next time the issue comes up.
Oh I stay a nervous wreck over it. Normally I just lie and say I agree. But I'll try to do that and figure it out
Ah, well. If you are in danger, lying is a useful tactic. No-one will hold it against you. Being nervous doesn't mean you can't pretend to be cool. As long as you don't panic you should be fine.
Thanks. And I dont think I'm in danger I just know that I'm not sure About losing what I have with my parents even if it means hiding. It is why I am considering an out of state college for only the second time in my life
Ok. I can't help there, I'm afraid. I know nothing about collages in your country, so you should probably ask some teachers at your school about that. Good luck!
