Do you ever feel as though you wont be validated as your gender due to not fitting all stereotypes? Sometimes I feel as though my dad discredits my gender due to not having every single "male trait" possible. But the thing is, he has a lot of "feminine traits" but is still validated as a man. He isn't expected to be overly masculine, he doesn't have to match all male stereotypes, so why do I? I am a male, why must it be questioned so much?
Yeah I have that problem too. My mom has flat out told me that she can't see me as a guy because I "just don't seem like one to her." Every example she gave me was just dumb gender role stuff that cis people get a pass for, but apparently when you're trans you have to be a complete stereotype to be seen as legitimate. She even said my body language was too feminine, and she knew because she'd been "paying attention lately", so now I don't feel as comfortable around her, I feel like she's just silently judging the way I act and scrutinizing every little movement I make. It's made me a lot more self-conscious. For trans people, if we don't fit gender stereotypes completely, we're not taken seriously. But even when we do, then we're just "trying too hard." There's no way to win with some people.
I know the feeling. Wrote something about my thinking of it on my wall. You can be a guy easily, because you have always been one, and you know it inside you. But for others, you have to become a guy. It is so very unfair and frustrating. For some reason, we have to "prove" our genuinity, we have to be tested and trial to get some sort of "license" to be ourselves.
I really had to fight the urge to say this, specifically because I'm questioning my own gender identity, but would that license you speak of be a man card? im sorry I had to say it.... But really, on a serious note, people seem to confuse gender identity and sex all the time. Your parts define your sex. Gender identity would be what you feel you are. I think I got that right?
I get this from my mom. Your parent's attitude could just be a phase, and soon they will realize that you are, in fact, male despite some details suggesting otherwise. It feels ironic sometimes. My mom was a tomboy when she was little. She refused to wear anything but her brother's clothes, and is perfectly fine being female. But she somehow thinks I am less female for playing with Lego as a child. It is silly, and a stage of grief. Eh, it could be worse. They'll get over it eventually. Just be you, and they should accept you for who you are - you. Their child.
Ya it's bullshit that people think you can pass/fail as a gender. That's not how it works ... we humans tend to be pretty bad scorekeepers when it comes to telling other people how to correctly live their lives. So don't sweat the incorrect analyses of others. Keep your head up. That's what I tell myself constantly.
Hey everyone. It's amazing to know how may of you guys actually feel the same way, but it really saddens me too... @Ashleigh16: I guess for me it wasn't a matter of knowing right then and there, it was more a gradual acceptance of who I really was. Not a lot of trans* people really know, but they... Know somethings up. If you catch my drift. Send me a message any time if you want to ask some questions. I'll be willing to help
My partner is a femme guy and we spoke about this last night about how he has internalized a lot of transphobia and other issues over feeling he's going to get weird looks and questions if he leaves the house wearing makeup with his beard. For me, it comes down to being bullied for either not being "man enough" (not taking an interest to sports or women for example) and the occasional slur that gets thrown at me. It happened almost two years ago, but I'll never forget the day my grandma used the "d word" against me...not even a week after I was released from a psych unit for suicidal ideation over my dysphoria.
Some people have this issue. The more I try to be true to my identity, the more male I feel, to the point that I think I may actually be a guy (just a feminine one who won't take hormones). Unfortunately, the lack of hormones or desire to fully transition makes people question.
Yes, this is something I find VERY annoying. So, with a cis person, it's fine if they aren't over-the-top manly or girly, everyone is fine with that. But if a person's trans and they don't act really one way or the other, people say really stupid and hurtful things, and somehow that's okay?
