Opposite of gender dysphoria but then apathy

Does anybody else get really happy about reaching some goal in their transition, but then it wears off and everything just feels....ugh. I've been working somewhere about 3 weeks now under my new name. The first day I felt elated to hear everyone using it. It was like people were talking to me at last after spending about a year feeling completely disconnected from my birth name, but now the feeling has worn off and I've kind of dissociated from it as I did my birth name. I wonder if this is because it's a unisex name or maybe it's just not the right name. It certainly took a while to get used to in the beginning. It seemed so empty compared to my birth name but it was definitely more comfortable so I went with it but now...I don't know. I'm afraid that this could just be the case over and over, picking a new name, then it not feeling right and I'm just forever chasing the elated feeling changing my name, over and over again. :help:

 

It would be called Gender Euphoria, congratulation
And well, I think the problem is just that you haven't finished the rest of your transition. It is like finally being able to make the first step into the journey, but then realizing you have a few hundred thousands more steps to go.
Be strong! Your new name is your new identity, embrace it!

Although it is also possible you are simply not liking your name. Should think very carefully about that name.

 

I have definitely gotten these kinds of fears before! That I might have chosen my new name too hastily, might've preferred something else. Unfortunately, I think that this is just a curse of anyone who feels the need to change their name to feel comfortable.... Making a lifelong commitment is never easy, but most people aren't given that responsibility ever in their lives, so they never have to think "Did I pick the right one?" As RainDreamer says, if the name is really not suiting you then you may want to reconsider, but if it's something you felt confident about when you picked it you should definitely put some faith in yourself.... The name I picked was not given an incredible amount of time before I started telling it to everyone, but it did have meaning for me when I chose it that will remain true throughout my life, and I just remind myself of this whenever I have doubts about it now. I have been using it with family and friends for about four years now and 99.99999% of the time it feels totally normal to me now, it just feels like a silly concern now really compared to what I've already been through.

Also, gender euphoria is great! If I'm being honest, I don't know if I feel that it really can go away permanently for me.... The only thing I ever really wanted was to feel like a normal girl, so even if my euphoria starts to feel normal, the more normal I feel the more euphoric I get. Does that make sense? At least in my case, whenever I go through phases like what you've described, in the end I tend to feel like it was just some anxiety, like with your name, getting in the way of letting me enjoy myself.... Not that I can speak for everyone of course, that has just been my experience!

 

I have got this before. I get very dysphoric most of the time, but occasionally I can feel so feminine and free that my physical body no longer matters. It is almost a religious thing - like transcendance. It makes me just want to get up and run around in circles. It is so liberating it feels frustrating. Then it wears off. I got this the first time that I shaved my legs - I have never gotten it from that since. I think cis people get this for different reasons. I think, for example, a person in a terrible job would get this when they are promoted. When they seek further promotions, it is not for the feeling - it is for the thing itself. Just because you fear you may have some of the wrong motivations, it doesn't mean that you should stop seeking your goals if you know it is justified by other things. This has been long and rambly, but I hope I have got my point across.

 

I second this. To me my name started to freak me out because I felt guilty over feeling like I had forced people to use it. It also became connected to a lot of negative feelings as I often used it to help relieve dysphoria, by reminding myself of my new name and how nice it was that I had a name I liked. In my case I didn't pick the name, I let my mother give me the name that I should have had, but I really did like the name too. I figured out what was making me uncomfortable, and that the problem was going to go away with time. I also started connecting it to a more positive state of mind by using it more when I was happy and not using it to comfort myself. I talk to myself a lot. :lol:

It also helps that people have become adjusted to it and it doesn't sound forced anymore when they use it. It's just my name now, and that's all I ever really wanted.

Jack I Think got it! The euphoria always wears off, because you're just experiencing a dopamine rush from achieving a goal. The dysphoria returns, and you're back down looking for another hit of that sweet chemical. Transitioning won't bring you a permanent dopamine rush, life is still hard even after transitioning, because life is hard for all humans. The dysphoria can go away, which will significantly improve your baseline. The constant anxiety and non-stop dysphoria went away with HRT for me. I feel like a human now instead of like an awkward space alien, and I only get dysphoric about my body anymore. So your mood and sense of normalcy can be improved, but you will not live in a constant state of euphoria.

 

Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm not sure if it's the name itself or the associations I have made with it. I do talk to myself and use my new name to try and comfort myself when I'm dysphoric or just generally feeling crap, like I'll say 'Get a grip, ****'. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong? Or maybe it's because the places where it gets used aren't always the places I'm feeling at my best. At my work experience placement for example, everyone knows me by my new name. I have yet to make the mistake of not responding to it, which is a good sign I suppose, although one day I signed in with my birth name by accident and had to scribble it out. At work, I tend to feel useless because I'm so socially challenged :rolle: so maybe because that's the only place I'm getting called consistently by my new name, perhaps I have kind of associated it with feeling useless...maybe? Agh, I don't know I wonder if perhaps I would hate any name if it was mine just because I hate me.

 

I realize that, but the main point of my post was to say that that is not a problem for me and stuff.