Hi everyone. I really have no experience with this subject whatsoever and I really really hope nothing I say offends anyone. If it does please know that it was not my intention; things are just really confusing and I want to speak as plainly as possible. Anyway, I'm probably gay or bisexual or something in that direction. I am still stuck pretty deep in denial but steadily progressing. While going through this whole process however I met someone, came out to them as gay and then she came out to me as transsexual (though she continues to live as a woman). Now this raised a lot of questions for me. I've never been overly manly in my life and enjoy many 'female' hobbies such as painting and knitting. As far as I know I have never attempted to cross-dress, though I did feel very jealous of the fact that my sister was allowed to paint her nails and I wasn't when I was about 7. I'm also very sensitive and emotional. I don't think I come over as overly feminine - all the people I've come out to so far have all been very surprised - but what if I secretly am and have simply been hiding it? At first I dismissed this a 'gay' thing but now I'm getting more and more paranoid about this. Am I maybe transgender? I feel OK being a guy but things are so confusing with me being gay and unsure of how things would ever work in a relationship, so how am I supposed to deal with that?. Is this just a way for me to stall facing and accepting my sexuality or something real? What really makes me a guy? Once again I apologize if any of my questions are offensive but I really need a hand here. Being confused about my sexuality is horrible enough without me also having to worry about whether I'm comfortable with my gender. Any advice?
Go to see a gender therapist. From that, I have no idea whether you are trans or not. It could be that you are, but that seems unlikely. You haven't really said anything much either way. A professional would b better to talk to, if you are seriously questioning. Go to see your doctor, and they can refer you. If you want to, there is nothing to lose.
First off, I want to say that the only thing that matters is what makes you feel comfortable. There is no reason you should try to fit yourself into the terms transgender, transsexual, gender fluid, etc. just as there is no reason you need to strictly define yourself as male or female. Also, its okay to identify male and still act feminine in many ways. I'm actually still fairly Naive about all this stuff and am still figuring out my own gender and sexuality and so I don't know how much advice I can give but I will say I had a similar experience. I was never masculine and I always felt very different from my male friends. It never occurred to me that I might be transgendered, I just thought I was a bit feminine and that was fine and would be now I think if I still felt that way. There was one week though that I thought I'll try wearing some woman's clothes and makeup once everyone else goes to sleep and it just felt natural. I guess I could have just summed that up with a sentence or two: Perhaps try experimenting and just trying some strictly feminine things to see how it feels and also, remember that things change with time. PS. I didn't see Jack's post till after writing this but I strongly agree. Seeing a therapist has helped me immensely.
I was never really one way or the other, either very masculine or very feminine, as a child or now. You can do "girly/-ish" things and still be a guy. I paint my nails sometimes when I'm bored, and I'm not really interested in sports, but that does not make me a girl or a woman. But if you feel like a woman, then that's different. Do you wish people would see you as a woman?
Hi everyone. Thanks for answering. I'm just more confused now, though. So the fact that I'm not manly does not make me un-manly, that one I can understand. I mean, the LGBT community is living evidence of this. But then what determines gender identity? I don't think I ever consciously wanted people to perceive me as a female. I don't mind male pronouns in the slightest and until very recently it hadn't even occurred to me that the possibility of being transgender even existed. Don't most transsexual people already know they want to be of the opposite gender as the one they were born with by themselves at a very young age (this being from 9 to 12 or so)? What Dirkinz said about simply feeling comfortable with oneself I find very interesting. The thought of being transsexual is - I'm guessing - more of an irrational fear than any true or profound desire I might have, and it probably stems forth from the stress I'm having over my orientation. The problem is that I usually have a hard time getting rid of irrational fears so is what I'm saying logical? Is feeling 'fine' with one's body and assigned sex enough to 'prove' that they are cisgender?
As to what determines gender identity, I really don't know what to say. I'm still working on that one, it's been a long journey for me, and still going. Nope, not everyone knows that soon. I felt kind of like that when I was first looking up things myself. But for all the stories where someone "always knew", there's someone who didn't until they were much older.
Do you feel uncomfortable being male, or wish you were female? Having feminine interests doesn't mean you're not a man.
