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I'm cofused?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Ashleigh16, Apr 15, 2015.

  1. Ashleigh16

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    First of all let me just say Anything I say that may cone across to be offensive, I apologize for. It is not at all in my intentions.

    So I can fit into social norms of being a girl but I also love guy things. I can be feminine but I can also be confortable in long loose shorts and a t shirt. And i have mostly guy friends which I have struggled with, wanting girl friends but I relate to guys better. And sometimes I do just feel like one of the guys. But I'm not trying to stereotype, I'm just trying to figure out what exactly I am.

    Also I'm sorry for posting so much and bothering everyone. I just have so many questions and things I'm trying to figure out and having grown up in a home where I was taught that anything other than one man and one woman (born a man and woman physically) and nothing else could ever be acceptable. Anyway as always thanks for your support and I appreciate y'all giving me your thoughts and input :slight_smile:. Thanks again everyone!
     
  2. Tai

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    Hey Ashleigh, first of all: don't worry about bothering anyone. It's a forum where you can post (non-offensive) threads freely, and you're not bothering anyone.

    It sounds to me you're a bit of a tomboy. And that's okay. You can ask yourself questions like:

    Do you feel a need or want to be seen as something other than just female?

    Do you have any dysphoria?

    Do you find it unpleasant to be called female pronouns and other female-related words (she/her/hers, lady, woman, girl)?

    Also, keep in mind that stereotypes and "social norms" are only a small factor in determining a transgender person, and shouldn't be the only factors used.
     
  3. Entrian

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    Don't worry, you're not saying anything offensive. It's totally normal to seek advice and you've come to a great place to do so!

    It's important to know there's a difference between gender and gender roles. There's obviously things like tomboys, who enjoy masculine things but are still female. There's nothing wrong with being one gender and enjoying things that are associated with another, but that doesn't necessarily make someone transgender.

    The fact you feel like 'one of the guys' is really telling! But you have to question whether that is because you feel like a male at that point in time, or just because you're comfortable with them. Clothing also isn't a really good indication because plenty of people enjoy wearing things not commonly associated with traditional masculine/feminine roles.

    Gender fluidity is definitely a possibility, especially if you have periods of really like feminine things, and then periods of really liking masculine things. If it's more of a switch between the two it's really possible that your gender could be really fluid! But if you're consistently comfortable with both, then maybe you're just not really into gender roles or maybe something more like gender neutral!

    Whatever it is, playing around with your gender is totally something you can do! Test out different things and ask around for other people's experiences! It's totally ok to flip between identities or to eventually figure out you're not trans at all. Just test out the various genders and see how you feel!

    Edit: Tai is 100% correct
     
  4. Ashleigh16

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    Tai, I do find it offensive sometimes but not always. I just want to be one of the guys sometimes if that makes sense and it aggravates me when I go talk to the guys but they act like a girl is butting in.

    And thanks on the not bothering people partto both of y'all.

    ---------- Post added 16th Apr 2015 at 12:45 AM ----------

    Entrian, i know there is. I'm just trying to give a bit of background on myself

    I know clothing isn't. Especially with so many girls in sports. So do you think that my feeling like one of the guys a lot is an indicator? Some of the guys have even started treating me like a guy. I think it's sweet when guys help me with stuff because it's gentlemanly but it doesn't feel like they should have to even though they do for the other girls.

    It's not really periods of each it's more like all at once. I'll go out dressed and acting like a guy with nail polish and sparkly make up

    And how do I test it? I'm not at all in a position to be out open and proud yet
     
  5. Entrian

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    I pretty much do the same thing with the masculine clothing and nailpolish :lol:
    As for testing it out... it really depends on what methods work best for you! A lot of people sorta psyche themselves up, like getting ready to play a role in a play. Like assuming the position of a sort of more masculine character or a more feminine character and play out a day like you actually are whatever you're trying to play. Granted, that's not always the best way to do it, cause it lacks the opportunity to gauge other people's reactions.

    Most of "testing it out" is sorta just thinking things through. Which usually takes a while, but it's something you should really spend some time on anyway so it's alright.

    Just figure out what works for you. No method is perfect, but we all get there eventually.
     
  6. Matto_Corvo

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    Hi!
    Well, I'm kind of in the process of questioning as well.
    For me I never had the courage to go buy men's clothing even though I have an extreme for men's fashion, I hated the looks I got when I tried, I also didn't like how my chest looked in shirts (nature decided to leave me well endowed and I had no clues bout binders till bout a year and half ago). So for me, figuring things out has involved buying men's clothing and wearing it. Its knowing that I like the fact that I can look like a boy, and feel confident as a boy, yet as a girl I always feel inadequate and always feeling like I'm just acting out a part instead of being me.
    I have told my mom about my questioning statue, and two of my friends, and another part of me figuring things out is asking them to call me male pronouns and a male name.
    But, as Entrain has stated, a lot of it is thinking things through. Do research, think about how you feel, imagine what you feel like if you were born in only one gender. Imagine yourself as a boy, doing everyday things, and many other things. There are many methods, but the biggest step is to not let fear and others' negative options stop you from finding out who you are.

    On a random side note ~ completely got excited to see someone else from SC on here
     
  7. Ashleigh16

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    Entrian, I'll take some time and do that and maybe talk to my friend who is the only person I'm at all out to

    ---------- Post added 16th Apr 2015 at 01:35 AM ----------

    CaduteMorti, I will do that. I will work on that. Just pretend I'm a guy. I do that once in a while anyway.

    And what part of Sc if you don't mind me asking?
     
  8. Matto_Corvo

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    I don't know if it is right to call it pretending or not. Instead of hiding the male parts of me as I use to I kind of just let them run wild. At the same time I was born female and brought up in a female way so maybe pretend is what it is??...this can get all very confusing >__< But in the end just be you ^__^

    the Florence-Darlington area.
    Columbia is the only city in SC that has a LGBT community center that I am aware of.
     
  9. Ashleigh16

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    And dumb question but what is binding?

    ---------- Post added 16th Apr 2015 at 01:50 AM ----------

    I know what you mean. I understand. And that's cool. Well it doesn't do me any good right now anyway. I met someone from Florence today actually. It's so cool to have someone from my home state on here :slight_smile:
     
  10. Matto_Corvo

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    Not a dumb question at all, I certainly had no idea what it was till my friend did for an anime cosplay, as well as seeing it on a k-drama.

    Binding is the act of flattening breast by the use of constrictive materials. Back in the day some people used ace bandages and/or duck tape but that is actually harmful to the body. These days you can go online to buy binders (which I guess are kind of like compression shirts), and for those lucky few born with small breast sport bras and/or layer shirts is a good way as well. Binders are tight so you can't wear them all the time.
    Of course not all AFAB (assigned female at birth) trans use binders. Just like not all of them pack. more info on that here. It different from person to person.

    I also know that Tai said to ask yourself if you experience dysphoria, and while that is a good question to ask, I think it also good to mention that not everyone experience high levels of dysphoria or any at all. It is different from person to person.
     
  11. Ashleigh16

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    Thanks. That really helps. And also could you define dysphoria? Thanks again for all your helP

    ---------- Post added 16th Apr 2015 at 09:51 AM ----------

    I'm sorry. So much of this really confuses me
     
  12. Cedar

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    Dysphoria is, simply put, a feeling of uncomfort with your body. For some this could mean that they are uncomfortable with their hips or female chest. Like you're in the wrong body.
     
  13. Matto_Corvo

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    The technical definition is a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with life.

    gender dysphoria, as Cedar says, is discomfort, unhappiness, or distress due to one's gender or physical sex or secondary sex characteristics. (which include hips, breast, voice, ability or lack there of to grow facial hair).
    I didn't know what it was when I first started out ether. I had to do a lot of googling late at night while everyone was asleep. I found vides by Dara Hoffman-Fox to be useful. She is a gender therapist. Peek here if you want to see one
    As I said, most trans people encounter high levels of dysphoria, some even suicidal levels, but not all. There are cases where people have had known.
    This also might be something useful to read on the subject

    If you need to know anything you can ask away :slight_smile: People on this site are here to help
    I would just recommend trying to find your information anywhere other than tumblr. There are a lot of helpful people there to be sure, but there are also a lot of people there who will try to tell you exactly how to be trans and pressure you into things you might not be sure you want to do. Truth is there is no one way to be trans, each person and their experience is different, and not everyone who is trans will transition. Some can't because of the cost, or where they live, or lack of support, or because they aren't uncomfortable enough with their body to do so.