I don't know if I ever mentioned it before, but even though I am 23 I live with my mother and older brother. I tried coming out to my brother, feeling that since he had a trans woman friend he would understand better than my mother. So I poised the question "What if I wanted to become a man?" To which he took a second to think about and said he couldn't see it as I am to feminine. I suppose, compare to other men, I am pretty feminine but at the same time there are men more feminine than me. While I do have these cute moments I never associated them with gender, I just call it being me, and view my interests and actions as more gender neutral though I have lot of male interests. I feel that when I finally do tell him I will have to convince him that I am stuck between agender and male, but that stresses me out because how do you convince someone that you are the way you are? As for my mom, I told her about two weeks ago. She was fairly accepting and admitted to knowing very little about tansgender. She said I could educate her, and there are been a few times she would ask a question or want to talk. She is trying to be supportive and understand, but I am the one with the issues. The minute she starts asking questions I get that 'deer caught in headlights' look and try to find a way out of it. Like I got my hair cut and my mom said she liked it, and I said I didn't. She asked it it was because the hairdresser had styled it in a girly manner and I immediately snapped that it wasn't (but actually it was. Once I washed the hair spray out it was much better). She also asked if I had already picked out a name I would want to use. I actually had, it is a name I've liked my whole life, but I told her I didn't. I have no idea why I suddenly get afraid to speak about it when she is so opening to hearing about it. Maybe I think I'll say something or do something that will make her thing I'm not really trans. Mostly it is because I still have doubts about wither I am or not.
If you have doubts, then take some time to analyze yourself. Ask yourself where these doubts are coming from. Why do you think you're not trans? Weigh those points against why you think you are trans. Write both of these things down. Start there. It's a better plan than rushing into getting your family to accept something you clearly haven't accepted yourself.
(upwards arrow) What she said. Also, you seem to have one advantage going for you - your mom seems really supportive. Do take time to get your thoughts aligned so that you have a good grip of who you are. That will probably make it easier for you and everyone around you to be comfortable.
I guess the doubts come from the fact that I am bi-gender (I think? Or just gender fluid) and that I don't really have that much dysphoria besides to my breast and hips. Or maybe its not doubts so much as fear and not knowing? I could transition but then I worry about what if I still don't like myself.
Regardless of what gender you are, bigender, genderfluid, etc. you should still do yourself the favor of making those comparisons "why I am X" vs "why I doubt I am X." If only to clear up the fact to yourself that your doubts are fears of the unknown ... don't skip this step. It helps. Once you have a better idea of your feelings at this moment in time, then you won't feel so hesitant about your identity, regardless of what gender you are. And don't transition unless you really feel you need it! Transitioning is not only so you can "like yourself," more specifically it's so you can live your life in a body that doesn't feel like a ruse and is closer to your authentic self. Build up more confidence in yourself before seriously thinking of transitioning.
I had actually been thinking of Alexander (Alex for short) I shall certainly do that. I have tried to do so before but then I start thinking bout all the reasons I am boyish/agender, but then I think about how their are girls that like the same boyish things I do. But then I think about how they never feel like they are a boy. I do have confidence in myself. I know I'm not bad looking, but there are parts of my body that I can't stand and haven't been able to since I they started developing during puberty. The best way to explain it is to say that I have this imagine/map in my head of how I should be, and what shows up in the mirror is nothing like I see. At times it can seem unsettling and at other times I just feel a strong case of apathy.
Incidentally, that "feeling that you are a boy" is probably more important than your interests that make you "boyish." A lot of the time, this one central detail cements the trans identity. I guess by build up confidence in yourself, I specifically meant confidence in your identity.
