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Why do they pressure me to get a hysto?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by RainbowGreen, Apr 20, 2015.

  1. RainbowGreen

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    So, I'm at the point in transition where I'm thinking about surgeries. My appointment for top surgery has been taken and I'm waiting for the prescriptions to start my preliminary tests. However, my mom as well as her boyfriend have been pressuring me to ask if I could get both at the same time. Firstly, I don't think I could take both at the same time. I never had surgery before (wisdom teeth don't count!) and I'm very anxious about it all. On top of it, my body is not used to it and I don't want to be stuck doing nothing for months.

    Now, the real reason I'm annoyed at them is that I don't want one now. It would not change much in my life to have one, except make me permanently sterile. Why should I make that choice at 18? What other 18 year old has to choose whether they want children or not? Now, before you call adoption... I will never be chosen. I heard that trans people are still considered mentally insane, and thus unable to adopt. If I want children, I'm afraid that I'm gonna have to take the matter in my own hands. I don't want to cut my options, considering that it's probably the one I'll most likely use.

    I'm afraid that if I say it, they won't understand. I hear everywhere that trans men who get biological kids are ''not trans enough'' and it annoys me. Apparently, I'm supposed to prove myself, or something. After my top surgery, I'll consider that I'm done for now. I won't mention hysto to my surgeons either.
     
  2. ProtegeMoi

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    There isn't anything much more "manly" than being a loving father and a good role model. Even if its your eggs and not sperm. Explaining that hey I'm your bio mom might be tough someday but that's then.

    Don't rush into anything you're not prepared for. The only timeline would be how long your fertile.

    I apologize if any of this is upsetting. I'm just trying to be honest.
     
  3. Winter Maiden

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    "Not trans enough" That is ridiculous. Gender and sexual orientation are fluid and on a spectrum. Not all trans people fall under all the stereotypes for lack of better words. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone! It is YOUR body after all so don't allow others to force you to do something that you do not want to do. Best of luck :slight_smile: I hope everything goes well <3
     
  4. RainbowGreen

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    Thanks for your answers :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Yes, I know that I might lose my fertility after some years on T, but it's not even been a year since I started yet. I'm hopeful that I'll get the time :slight_smile:
     
  5. Lazuri

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    Trans people mentally insane? What is this? Russia? I think you're fine.
     
  6. Matto_Corvo

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    I think that if you don't want a hysto just yet then you shouldn't have to have it. It doesn't make you any less trans.
    From what I read GID has been taken off the mental disorder list sometime in the 1990s, so you should be fine there. But again that is your choice.

    This is how I see it:
    I grew up hearing my brother saying he wants kids. The same is true for many male friends I have. Therefore a trans-man saying he wants kids is no different from a AMAB stay he wants children. It just means a trans-man can carry his own child, and power to him for doing so because that takes a lot of balls and dealing with a lot discomfort and pain. No one has the right to judge another person for wanting a kid. If all men didn't want kids then we would be a sorry state right now.
     
  7. penta

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    I don't wanna offend any girls here but i guess it takes a whole lot a extra balls for you to actually carry your own child if you ever make the choice to do so.
    I guess that you have to deal with a lot of extra discomfort being a trans man having such a female thing.
    Having a kid of your own is a very special thing ( i know because i have a daughter myself) and you are not any little bit less trans when you want this.
    When you have a child of your own you have an emotional connection with your child.
    And of course you have some explaining to do some day but you'll get there.
    Just don't let anyone push you into doing the surgery when you don't want to.
     
  8. Just Jess

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    No one should be pressuring you into anything. I would be worried about my breasts coming back without a hysto, or having to stay on higher levels of T for longer, but I am not sure how founded those fears are. I want my health, and if I could have a kid, my kid's health, to be great, if I am a mom. Whatever you decide, if you do become a dad, I confident you will do everything to be your kid's dad for as long as you can, and to give them tge best life you can.

    I am not a doctor and neither are your parents, I'm assuming. Even on the off chance they are, they aren't your doctor. This should be between you and your doctor. Sterility is a huge choice and definitely not one anyone should ever make for you.
     
    #8 Just Jess, Apr 21, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2015
  9. RainbowGreen

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    Another reason why I hear of it often, I think, is because here, trans men still to get both hysto and mastectomy to get a M on their papers. My mom kind of wants it to be over with, even if it doesn't really concern her, to be honest?

    Personally, I think the people pushing for law 35 (lets trans people change their marker without surgery) will succeed. It's already accepted, but it needs to be adopted now. So, even if I hate having a F on my papers, I'm ready to wait a little bit longer for it.
     
  10. Ronin

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    Okay so you're in Canada. Canada goes by the DSM-V now and transgender people are not considered mentally ill at all unless they have something else going on. Now, I don't know the ins and outs of adoption, but I would be very surprised if being trans would prevent you from being able to adopt.
    And of course you can have your own children if you so desire. That has nothing to do with anything other than you want to have your own child. What does your gender identity have to do with that?
    So the question then is - do you want bio children or adopted or maybe none? Honestly, you're 18 - think about it but probably not advisable to choose, not yet. You're pretty young still and it's a huge life changing thing.

    People don't really pay much attention to the M or F and if they do, just brush it off as "It's a weird mistake we're fixing it" or something (unless they are your health professionals who may need to know).

    Okay and lastly - getting top surgery AND hysto? at the same time? Doesn't sound like a good idea at all tbh. Your top half is going to take time to be mobile again and could be quite sore - that's a lot on it's own. Include your lower abdominal region? hmm. I've heard of one person who had that done and he didn't recommend it. You could definitely ask your surgeon about it if it's something YOU want to do. But definitely DO NOT do something to your body, especially this significant, just because someone else wants you to "get it over with". Just no.
     
    #10 Ronin, Apr 21, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2015
  11. MojoDojo

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    Don't do anything because someone is pressuring you. I keep having to tell myself this, but there is no such thing as 'not trans enough'.

    Also, both at the same time? That would be a lot of pain and downtime. Neither surgery is anything to laugh at on its own.
     
  12. RainbowGreen

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    Yup, I know it's pretty exhausting for the body to have even one surgery, so that's why I told them that it was A VERY BAD IDEA (For some reason, when I say it, it's not convincing enough).

    Also, for adoption, that's nice to know that the person who told me this was wrong, but I still don't have more chance of being chosen. I'd be looking for 10 years of waiting in Quebec or a fortune to spend abroad (where most countries would not consider me anyway). The system is pretty broken either way.
     
  13. PlantSoul

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    Justin Vivian Bond talks about this in her "user guide" on her bio page. Bio