I've had a lot of questions concerning my gender identity and my sexual orientation lately, and it seems like this would be the best place to anonymously vent about it. I am female, I was born that way. However, ever since I was little, I've been extremely fond of male clothes. I have never felt comfortable wearing pink, ever. All grown up now, I still love wearing cargo's and boxers, but the next day, I could wear a dress and feel just as comfortable (only uncomfortable with being stared at. I have bad anxiety, drawing unwanted attention to myself is torture, but sometimes I want to look real girly). I've had short hair since, about, 12 years old. I grew it out recently. Hated it. Got a mohawk. Now I look like a girl with makeup on, but I kinda look like a boy without makeup. And honestly, I really love it. I can switch between the two, feeling confident either way. Enough about outward appearance though. My internal interests sway between masculine and feminine. It's always been easier for me to relate and connect to male friends.. I have very few female friends (two, to be exact). My entire personality is more masculine than it is feminine. Basically, what I'm saying is, I love to look like either a man or a woman on any given day. Usually it's a weird cross in between, and I end up looking like a total gutter punk. Even though I tend to act more masculine, I'm essentially a straight person. I'm attracted to girls, in a lot of ways, but when it comes to trying to date one or be with one sexually, I become very frightened. I don't know why. I don't know if I'm bisexual, or if I'm straight. If anyone could help me discover what the hell I am, I'd be eternally grateful. :bang:
Well, reading over what I've said, I suppose that's glaringly obvious haha. Just super confused about my orientation though. There was this girl I met when I was a preteen. And when I met her, it was one of those "I'm totally gay" moments. We were both a lot alike and definitely were crushing on each other, but we were too shy to do anything about it. I've always liked her, even to this day, but how our friendship ended is pretty sad and I've been trying to eradicate her from my memory ever since. Why and how it ended is pretty effed up. Did she scare me away from women? Or maybe I'm searching for her, the feeling she gave me, in everyone I'm interested in? I don't know.
That's a little harder to say, you're right (also I'm sorry, I kind of overread your question ) It could be that you're scared of getting involved sexually with other girls/women because of that girl but it could also be for an entirely different reason - maybe you're straight biromantic or maybe you're somehow scared of having 'unnormal' sex.
What is "straight biromantic"? Also, I was religiously oppressed as a child. Maybe some repressed brainwashing or something.
There's sexual attraction and there's romantic attraction. You feel sexual attraction towards the gender(s) you want to form a sexual relationship with. And you feel romantic attraction towards the gender(s) you fall in love with. Those two can be the same, but they don't necessarily (I hate that word, I'm quite sure I spelled it wrong) need to be the same. Yes, maybe there are some sorts of prejudices and insecurities coming from that religious oppression.
That definitely makes sense. Can easily imagine romantic relationships with women and feel totally comfortable with it. I've always been extremely curious when it comes to dating, but I would have absolutely no idea what to do in bed. There's definitely insecurities stemming from my past. I'm also insecure with my own body. =\
The thing about not having a clue what to do in bed: Google may not be the best reference ever, but it's a rather good way to get an idea about what's going on In the end you need to find an orientation you're comfortable with and find out what fits you best. Just try to gather as much information as possible (I get most of my information from tumblr, instagram and random researches, so maybe you want to take a look at them) Maybe you should consider getting professional help about your problems (if it really affects you ) I don't think I ever met someone who was not insecure about their body at one point of their lifes.
To answer your original question about gender: your gender is not determined by the clothes you wear. It is not determined by whether you are masculine or feminine. It is not determined by how you present yourself. You could be genderfluid, but only if you genuinely feel like your gender is changing, and not just your presentation. On days when you want to look masculine, Do you feel male? Would it be comfortable to be referred to as a man and using he/him pronouns? Do you feel uncomfortable being seen / referred to as female? Do you experience any physical dysphoria?
People have accidentally used the he/him/sir pronouns on me before. Although it took me by surprise, it felt like a victory. It doesn't make me uncomfortable. With being seen and referred to as female, it only makes me uncomfortable when this is brought up by something I am doing or am wearing. Such as, "Oh you look like a girly girl today!" I hate that. Or if I'm playing a game, or getting excited about something in the comic book universe, and someone calls me a "geek girl". Just call me a geek. Why does there need to be an emphasis on my gender when it comes to my interests? As for the physical dysphoria, I've always been extremely uncomfortable with my body. When I was younger, I use to cover my mirrors before getting undressed. Although, I was bullied for the way I expressed myself and for my body type (skeletal skinny).
Oh no, I've been on that situation (crushing, too scared of religion to try it, purge her from memory) it's not fun! I always wondered what I was for much the same reason. I realized I am attracted to people personalities more than sex or gender. What attracted you, her physical appearance or just ... Who she was as a person? I've always called myself a dyke and had only willingly slept with women, so it was so difficult for me to realize I fell in love with a man. Then as I thought on it, and met more people, that is the only explanation I have for my sexuality Do you have any sex or ended crushes? What draws you to them?
Are you uncomfortable with your sex characteristics (this includes secondary sex characteristics, e.g. chest, hips, etc.) or just uncomfortable with how your body looks? If you answer the former, I would say you are very likely trans, and now it's just a matter of finding which label fits. If not, you sound like a cis person who likes to change how they present themselves.
