Yes, I know, I post a lot of questions ;_: Forgive me I am curious and still working things out. So about the bathroom. I know people have a lot of dysphoira associated with going to the bathroom of the gender they were assigned to at birth. I myself can't remember having this problem but I also remember plenty of times where I was extremely nervous to use the bathroom in public. I'm not really sure why. As a kid that problem wasn't to bad, but after hitting puberty it kinda started becoming something that I got nervous about. I guess I had this irrational fear that someone would try to look peek at me. I use to go all day not going pee till I got home, and when I did have to go I always felt awkward having to wait for a stall. Sometimes I felt like I wasn't girl enough to be in such a space because I didn't check out my outfit or wear makeup, I would only look in the mirror long enough to make sure my hair was alright and even then I didn't care to much. Locker and changing rooms were a much different experience, I always hated it. During PE I would go into a shower stall and change, or into the restroom stall. I guess this is a normal thing though as plenty of girls did that. I hate having to change in front of others, doesn't matter if it is girl or boy. So when i started questioning if I was a trans I had a moment where I walked into a Burger King to use the bathroom (darn my over active bladder). As I have done my whole life, as I have been told to my whole life, I made a bee-line straight for the ladies bathroom..and then I hit the breaks and had a moment where I looked back and forth between Woman's and Man's. Which was I to use? I'm pre-everything, at that moment I was only 45% certain I was even trans. I ended up going in to the woman's but that raises a question. I still don't know what restroom to use. I still appear very much the female, but I don't know if I'd bee comfortable using the male's room even when I go on T. Does anyone else have this problem? Everyone thinks about how trans mean physically transitioning to our preferred gender, but everyone forgets to mention the mental aspect of transitioning. I know some people knew their whole lives that they were FtM or MtF, but others of us have not so we've been raised and thought of ourselves as a certain way, conditioning to use female spaces...Am I making any sense?
I think I get what you mean. It can take a while to undo female socialization, when you've been raised that way your entire life. For me though, once I started to try to undo all that conditioning, it came a bit more naturally. I'm still too scared to use the men's room though. I don't think I pass well enough for it.
I'm still to scared to go into the men's section of the store to buy clothes. I can just feel all the eyes on me (I''m sure its in my head, but it show i feel). But I'm trying to express my more masculine side so venture in I must.
I had that fear for a while, which caused me to avoid public restrooms as long as I could after realizing I was trans. I was thankful to be in spaces where the bathroom was just a single thing regardless of gender, but then places like the mall became stressful. When I do use the men's room, I'm luckily in a situation where I'm the only one in there most of the time. The has only been one time where there were people in there when I walked in, and nobody even noticed me for the most part. I think someone looked over his shoulder, but nothing was said. I walked in, did my stuff, and went out without getting haggled or anything. I still try to avoid public restrooms when I can because of a "what if" fear, but I'm sure nothing ever will. It's something that can take time, but it's not impossible. Guys tend to keep to themselves and don't socialize like how some girls do, so I doubt anyone would give you a hard time.
I can not understand how people socialize in a bathroom O_O I just want to get in and get out as fast as i can. I think in till I can pass (not happening anytime soon) I won't be using the men's bathroom.
I still get weirded out wondering why that's the case, especially in retrospect in high school. Like why? Yeah, I get going in groups for safety, but to have full on conversations I don't know. Some places have family restrooms which are always nice if you can find one.
No, it's totally fine to ask lots of questions. Family/gender neutral /handicapped bathroom if you can possibly find them. Some places hide these bathrooms, and that's annoying. A lot of places put these on the sides or in the back, away from the other bathrooms. :| I use the men's usually if it's a single, but I cannot pass hardly at all yet and so I don't use the men's if there is any chance I will run into other people. I am still to nervous, too afraid. Bathrooms, why are you so complicated?
i feel the exact same way about going in or near the womens clothes. it feels like every one in the store is watching me. luckily i have an amazing friend i have her the money and she actually picked me up three really cute bras and pairs of panties. as for the going to the bathroom i still use the mens room im afraid i would be looked at like a pervert and such.
If you have friends to lean on for support, that's amazing. I remember being terrified to shop for my first pairs of boxers, but luckily my mom was cool enough to help me look for the right size and was with me at the check out section. I'm not sure how much of me is nervous now about getting weird looks or asking for help, since I had that happen again when I was buying a dress shirt and tie set a long time back. It's a miracle that I survive social situations these days.
I used to have this problem too, but lately I've been trying not to give a damn. Yeah, I do get funny looks, but since I've completely switched to men's clothes (except jeans, because I'm short and thin and I simply wouldn't find the right size for me) I just don't care about what people would think. Usually no one says anything, even though the shop assistants look at me weird when I show up with a bunch of men's shirts, shoes and stuff. Just try to relax, the worst that could happen is to be stared at, and this doesn't really hurt so much, does it. And about the restrooms, I just get in whichever I reach first XD I don't really pass that well, and sometimes I get some remarks like "Oh, sorry, I think you're in the wrong bathroom, the ladies' is over there" which I try not to mind and I sometimes pretend I actually got confused.
