All I can say is that all my experiences wigged me out.. intensely. I mean, They were touching all around my parts, feling them and telling me to take everything off from the waist down. Honestly, I am scarred from that. Then, thy put a catheter in me. It was hell. It burned and stung and was extremely painful. It mdd me bleed. They called me the wrong things. then they gave me the diagnosis- urinary retention in WOMEN. Seriously. I am pretty pissed. Okay, I know its for accuracy, but I am still pissed. I don't need any reminder that I am stuck in this prison. Worse, they did the same thing at the urologist. Using the wrong terminology. "vagina" "girl parts" I was holding myself back from screaming. The catheters they gave stung and made me bleed. They burned more and more and only made me more anxious. It made me hate simply using the bathroom a time of shame. I hated it. it was a constant reminder I was imprisioned and trapped. The shorter "female" ones only made me bleed and cringe in pain. It made it worse. I struggled to put it in. Worse, It would end up in the extra crevice that didn't belong (yeah, that hole). How the fuck do I handle this? I go there on the verge of a break down and makes me super dysphoric. I hate it. But I need it. I don't want to go there experiencing these feelings of nearly breaking down and fall apart. I. Hate. It. How do I handle this? What do I do? I can't just piss on my own because I lock up. I tried everything. EVERYTHING. Relaxing. Pushing. Straining until Im blue in the face. Im lucky if my bladder decides to cooperate with me. Sitting makes me dysphoric. I am almost to the point where I will use KY jelly and drinking straws if nothing decides to work. I am losing it. I am sick of being constantly reminded of this wretched prison and this damn body. I hate the reminders. They taunt me. Make it stop. For the love of god. MAKE IT STOP. HELP ME DEAL WITH THIS. PLEASE -Taunted man
Hon that sounds absolutely horrible All I really can say is that you are handling things way, way, way better than you think you are, and better than most people would. Seriously. Give yourself some credit. You are one hell of a man. Just please do whatever it takes to get through things. I know it's hard but can you sleep at all? Any internet time wasters you have been avoiding? Books you can read? You are in prison. You don't deserve to be to begin with, but if you do your time, you will get out. I mean practical ideas? The kind you need? I am wracking my brain, the best I can come up with is to just piss in the shower. I mean I know pissing at all just isn't going to happen but when it finally does, I feel like that would at least kind of hide the sensation a little if the water was cool or lukewarm. Worth a shot right? Hon if anything at all I could do would make it better I so would. You are a tough son of a bitch. Even if you don't think you are right now.
