Today was... rough. I'm just starting to come out, and coming out has given me the most dysphoria I've ever had. This idiot that I socialize with a lot said, when I asked her to use male pronouns, that she won't because I'm "technically a girl" and it would confuse her. Coming out to everyone's difficult because it's just so much focus on my gender, and so much of my dysphoria is social that when I'm told multiple times a day "but you're a girl...?" it makes me want to die. Hopefully my really supportive buds will be back at school tomorrow so they'll make it a lot easier to come out to everyone. Anyways, when I came home today I had to mention to my mom that I had awful gender dysphoria today. She's refused to talk about the whole thing and told me not to talk to my dad about it since Saturday when I came out to them. Today, she said that she needs someone to talk about this with ("since I have a therapist, why doesn't she have anyone?") She said that this was a shock to her and has turned her whole world upside down and why doesn't anyone ever think about her needing support? She asked me if my therapist ever told me of anywhere she could get support and I said "no". I've never heard of anyone's parents refusing to talk to them about it and asking them to find some kind of "parents of transgender people support group" before so I don't know what to do. I don't know what she wants anyways. I could talk to her but she keeps shutting my attempts at conversation on the topic down.
I'm sorry you've had such a rough day! (*hug*) You could tell your mom about EC, maybe? If that wouldn't make you too uncomfortable.
Well, at least she is willing to seek support, apparently? I understand that the situation sucks for you, but, considering how we grow up in a society full of prejudices, your mom could be confused too. Have you considered talking to her about this site? Peraphs she could find some answers for her questions talking to the community, or to the advisors. You don't need to tell her you acess the site, if you don't want to. You may tell her you found it, as she asked for somewhere she could find support. Hugs (*hug*)
If she wants to talk to somebody in person, then you could always look and see if there are any PFLAG groups in the area. You could also see if there are any transgender resources in your area. If she would be willing to come on here, I'd be willing to talk with her if she is comfortable. I'm sure that it is scary for her to be in the position that she is in. How to handle a transgender child is not often covered in parenting classes or handbooks. So, this is a new experience. That takes some time to get used to. It took my parents about 6 months before they started to get really comfortable with my gender identity.
Thanks for the quick responses, everyone! I could ask her to come on here, I just don't really want her finding my posts...
You could tell her casually that you found this website, and it seems an interesting place for her to seek support (i'm not sure though if this topic could be deleted, in case she finds this advice, lol).
She said that she doesn't like doing "online stuff" and that I should talk to my therapist about what options there are for "family transgender support". Not sure what my therapist would be able to suggest for that... maybe she'll come around to the whole online thing.
My parents actively tried to be support and asked me to find a group for them to go to for support for themselves and to become more knowledgeable on the subject. I actually knew of a man in my area (Halton Region) who ran a group for parents and their youth to meet other parents and youth dealing with their children coming out. I see you are in Toronto, if you're near enough to Halton I could give you his name if you'd like. He totally opened up my parents minds! He's also the nicest guy you'll ever meet.
Here's the important part that is easy to forget: you've had years to process this, your parents have had a day. There are support groups for parents too, maybe you should look into it with her.
If there is a PFLAG chapter in your area, maybe your mom can talk to other people (some might be trans people or parents/friends of trans people). If that or other support groups aren't near by, maybe a gender therapist can walk your mom through things.
I just kind of sent links to my mom to different forums, so I am part of and others I'm not, telling her I thought that she might need support from other parents and people who are being supportive of transgender family-friend members. Told her they could educate her far better than me, even though I am the trans one, because I get nervous and fumble over my words. I am still afraid that she is secretly thinking I am going through a phase, though she has never said as much. I always think about how what I do will effect my family :/ but since your mom is unwilling to do that, you probably should ask your therapist, I am sure he/she might know someone or place for your mom. She shouldn't just lump it all on you to find the support for her, she could try to look as well.
