So since I came out to my mum as trans* she's been having a lot of excuses. There's the 'It's just a phase!', the 'You're to young to know', 'it takes more time than half a year to figure out', and then finally, 'but you were so girly when you were child, and you loved pink and dresses?' And I didn't know how to respond to that. My mum is very rejective to the subject right now, and tries to ignore it, which is bad too, but I'm really tired of her making me question myself again. I remember when I was little, and even though I never felt like a female or like I was home with the girls(I had a lovely 'boy'-friend, though), I loved girly things. Dresses, makeup, pink, you name it. If somebody asked me to put on a dress or makeup today, I'd laugh at them. Yes, I love playing makeup-artist with my sister, but that's that. I hate dresses, and girly things(not pink or lilac, these are my favourite colors, but that's not that weird, right?) I am, myself, really confused. Wouldn't I have been more tomboy-ish as child if I'm really trans*? Like John Jolie Pitt. He's eight years old, and he knows he's transgender, so why was I girly at that age? I know I'm trans, and it's not some kind of phase, but it bothers me a lot anyway. Are there anyone else who was girly/boy-ish as child but realised they were trans/agender/bigender/semigender/demigender/you name it, later? It would be nice if someone maybe had a kind of 'explanation' or a theory? Thanks
I don't think that's any indicator.Some people figure out they're trans with 50 and behaved like they were cis before that.You've got to know who you are that's all that counts. Most trans people are like you in their childhood.I think it's mostly because children aren't really aware of gender in the same way adults are (partly because sexual attraction doesn't play a role yet) Still you should take your time and think about what feels right for you because that question really needs time to answer.
Trans*guys or trans*people in general vary a great deal with their experiences. Some know from early childhood, such as John Jolie-Pitt. Some learn in adolescence. Some late in life, even after being married for years and having kids. It just depends on the person. For me, I was mostly tomboyish as a kid. There was only one phase in my childhood where I was "girly" and that was between the ages of 8-11. During that time, it was much the same experience as you have described. I was into ponies and princesses, the whole shabang. That wore off, though, when I got a bit older. During my older childhood on through teen years is when I really started noticing how different I was from the other girls. And I mean, seriously different. Basically, if you had to guess how a boy would react if he were being forced to "be a girl" then I'd have matched every aspect. I shunned dresses and all things girly, I never wore makeup or even wanted to wear makeup, my bathing suit was swimming trunks and a t-shirt, I cut all my hair off, I played with action figures and never touched a doll, wouldn't wear jewelry, didn't like hanging out around girls (I was the one who'd play video games with the guys while the girls were off gossiping somewhere), etc. etc. Anyways... It's all rather complicated how and why someone is trans* but ultimately boils down to one outcome. They are just... trans. Simple as that. There's no defined "you must be this age..." or whatnot. For me, it started out as suspicions which rose to realizations which resulted in a revelation. And liking pink and lilac has nothing to do with gender expression. They are colors, and the whole idea that "pink is for girls" and "blue is for boys" is flawed. Different people like different colors. Period. I hope this helped. I am a trans*masculine too, so if you need someone... I'm super open to talking. Just shoot me a message. Regards, -Lawlett
I stated to feel "different" when i was about 16, before that i had totally no problem with being a boy. I had some feminine behavior prior to my 16th but i never knew what it meant at that age.. Also my parents never noticed anything until i came out a few weeks ago
I wasn't super girly as a kid, but I wasn't a tomboy either. I never knew I was trans, and my parents didn't think anything about me was different. That doesn't mean I'm less of a guy. I'm trans, no matter how I acted as a child. You want my "explanation"? Gender expression has nothing to do with gender identity. All sorts of dmab guys have fun wearing dresses as children and still turn out to be cis guys. Wearing dresses and liking pink was just a preference you happened to have as a child which has nothing to do with your gender, and preferences change. When you were young you were a guy who liked pink and dresses. Now you're not. It's really that simple.
I was both girly and tomboyish when I was younger. My depression started around puberty and I never once thought it might correlate with my body changing the way it did. Though these days, I do think my depression was mildly influenced by my hips and breasts becoming more pronounced (it wasn't exactly my best idea of what I should look like). At many points in my life I thought to myself, "Maybe being a guy won't be so bad." Whenever I imagined doing thing, it was as a man. I imagined myself to be more successful and happier, unlike my state today. I haven't really started to think of me being trans until almost two years ago. I never even heard of the word transgender until I was 19. I wish I knew these things earlier in life.
Honestly, I would just tell her that gender presentation does not equal gender. All of those 'girly' things you mentioned as well does not necessarily mean you were even a girl then. In the end it's just pieces of fabric and plastic! Pink was actually a color for boy as well until I think Hitler said it wasn't and then everybody scrabbled to switch the roles. You could also say that when you were a kid, you never really bothered to think much about gender because it didn't affect you the way it does now. I struggled with that problem briefly when I came out to my mom because she said that she had been reading about other trans people, and most of them knew from a young age. I just explained to her what I said above and she understood pretty quickly. I knew I was trans only about 4 months ago and I'm already out to my parents, sister, and counselor so I don't really think the amount of time you know really even matters as long as you know that it's who you are! Good luck with your mom and I hope you're doing well!
i played with dolls as a kid and my favorite color was lavender for a few years. Dosen't mean I'm not trans
In my personal experience, I was pretty much like you. I liked wearing dresses (though, only ones that would flare if you twirled around :I) and I played with a lot of girly toys and whatnot. Later; on the flipside, I was friends with almost all of the boys in my grade, dressed in the male uniform, and I participated in our Bakugan (that was the hyped game at the time) tournaments every time they were held. Also, we held some serious war games during recess- third graders are f*cking violent, by the way. Honestly, it depends on the person and their life style growing up for when they realize they're trans*. I remember, I probably would've realized way sooner than I had if my family (mostly grandparents) hadn't conditioned me to fit in with a female lifestyle from an extremely early age. Gender expression in no way decides gender itself- when you played with dolls and were "girly" when you were young, you were just as much a boy then as you are now. Hell, a lot of us still love "girly" things! I myself love decorative scarves (they aren't worn much by men here in the USA, because societal views say they're for women), and wearing jewelry.
As well I think it worth mention, only 30% of trans knew they were the other gender when they were young. Most don't know till their teens or older. I'm sure looking back many can see markers pointing that they were trans but didn't know what it meant till they were older. Also most don't feel that they are in the wrong body, only that their body doesn't match them mentally. The whole, born into the wrong body thing was started by the media. When I was a girl I played with dolls and my brothers' toys (being AFAB you can guess which I got in trouble for playing with). I played knights in the backyard with my brother and their friends and adored the Disney princesses, Belle being my favorite since she liked to read and was different from people as well. The only time I worse skirts was when I was forced to church or had to go to a funeral, but put me in a dress and I would throw a 3 year old worthy fit. (I know because my mom's favorite story is them having to spend 2 hours putting me in a dress because I fought tooth and nail. so proud of lil me). It wasn't in till I was in elementary school that I shunned all things girly. The boys in my class didn't play with them so I didn't either, and by that point my interests had turned to gender neutral things like reading/writing/art. I wanted to hang out with the boys but was aware that I was a girl, so in the end I usually befriended the teacher. I also had a lavender bedroom. When my dad bought the house he thought I would like it because it was girly and I had had a purple phase the year before. I didn't mind it but I wasn't thrilled either. At some point I asked them to point the room blue, but they refused saying blue wasn't really a color for girls. (guess thats why they call it baby boy blue) When puberty hit I tried to be like the other girls. They shaved their legs, wore make-up, talked about clothes and boys. So I wanted to do it all too. Shave my legs but wasn't allowed to wear makeup till I was 13 and by that point I didn't really care nor saw the point. It was the changes my body made that was deciding the factor really. They freaked me out, though I didn't realize it at the time. I became withdrawn, slouched, wore baggy shirts, all the while still trying to be the girl people though I should be. At home I carried around a pillow that I hugged onto when I sit, not till now that I realized I did this to hide my boobs, even though I was at home where no one could see. My depression started at those two bumps and expanded outwards from there. I wasn't a tomboy compared to some people, and I was a girl compared to boys, and no one would of thought I was trans. You can't look a person and go "Oh, they're trans." Its impossible to tell. You can't tell a person that they are just confused. I mean yeah, if you are trans then you are confused, but no in the way your mom things. You know who you are you're just trying to work out the details. Doubts and confusions are normal, but it doesn't help when people dumped their own doubts and confusions on you. sorry i ramble and get passionate bout this subject ---------- Post added 27th Apr 2015 at 11:49 PM ---------- This is why Asian fashion is just awesome. Jewelry and scarves are in fashion for guys. But in the US asian men are seen as girly. (i'm not asian i just like the fashion)
What you like or were into as a kid doesn't make you less trans, nor does what your past was like. I had Bratz dolls and Tonka trucks as a kid, and my partner is the same way. He had strong moments of wanting to present as masculine and feminine, and even now he still loves fashion and make-up and that doesn't make him less trans. I think you're worrying too much about the stereotypes and boxes people try to put us in.
Thank you! It helped a lot. By the way, I am pretty sure I've got it right this time, actually. ---------- Post added 28th Apr 2015 at 07:16 AM ---------- It helped me a lot! I'd message you if I had enough posts, 'cause I really need someone to talk to. Thanks for the offer! ---------- Post added 28th Apr 2015 at 07:17 AM ---------- That sounds right - I'll try to tell my mum that. Thank you. ---------- Post added 28th Apr 2015 at 07:19 AM ---------- First of all, congrats with coming out! (!) I'm glad they took it so well! I think my mum would understand it better if I told her something like that, actually, so I'll do that. Thank you and congrats again! ---------- Post added 28th Apr 2015 at 07:24 AM ---------- That was a relief. That's something to mention to my mum too. Thanks. I don't really know why, but I love that 'story'. ---------- Post added 28th Apr 2015 at 07:38 AM ---------- You're probably right, but I wouldn't worry this much if my mum was supportive and just understood instead of making me uncomfortable and worry about these things.
