Hi everyone, I'm struggling with trying to figure out if I am transgender or not. I think I am in some denial and would love some help and feedback as all of this internet research/transgender umbrella/googling has exhausted me. So here's what you need to know: I'm in my late 20s, assigned female at birth, tomboy growing up, was always the dad playing house or Ken playing Barbie, never wore dresses, hated anything girly growing up and I've identified as a lesbian the past 5 years, however something is still missing. I asked my parents at a young age if I was supposed to have a penis or if I was born in the wrong body. To which they obviously said no. Some days I don't mind being female but I'm not sure if it's because I have to be...I mean ill do my nails every so often, wear makeup occasionally but it's never because it feels awesome and cute but because it feels like its what I'm supposed to do. Also I don't completely hate my boobs and my clothes are always gender neutral. Other days I want to sit at home in boxers with my packer and not care about any of this. I bought my first packer in January and have barely taken it off. It feels so right. I feel so empowered and so good wearing it...the first time I cried because it felt so right. However I say this yet I'm not sure if I could live as a man full time. The hormones, top surgery, it seems to much for me right now or even ever. I need help because this is killing me everyday to not know what's going on. I've told a few friends, no family.
Just going on what you've described, it would seem you could fit the "genderqueer/genderfluid" label. The definition is below, and you can always research more on the topic if you like: Genderqueer Relating to or having a gender identity that is other than male or female, is a combination of the two genders, or is on a continuum between the two genders The experiences of trans*men vary greatly, and everyone is unique in their own regard. It is common for trans*people to have gender dysphoria which is usually how they know they're trans. But then again, some don't have it. Gender is... of course... a complicated subject. Rather than being distinctly male or distinctly female, people usually fall somewhere on a spectrum. Personally, my advice would be that if you are happy as you are, then keep doing what you're doing. The medical and legal procedures trans*guys have to go through is a long, difficult, and expensive process and I would not recommend it unless you're absolutely sure that you're trans and want to transition.
Thank you so much for responding May I ask what you identify as and how you made that decision? You totally don't have to answer if you don't want too. With all the research I've done the terms that describe me best are trans, bigender or transmasculine...I thought genderfluid / genderqueer at first but I really only got back and forth from female to male hence the bigender thinking. I'm just so new to this I have no idea where to begin...I never know if what the internet is saying is right. which is why I'm hoping to get some help from some solid people on here anything you could add or suggest would be awesome. Thanks again ---------- Post added 29th Apr 2015 at 02:31 PM ---------- Ps. I've read so many definitions (of genderqueer etc) to try and figure out where I fit my head hurts. I guess I feel like I have to fill the criteria of the definition almost completely. I'm pretty confused. Any good resources you know of? Thanks again for your time!!
^What he said. Don't transitioning unless you know you want to, or that you need to. If you are happy in your body then don't do much to change it besides what can be achieved through exercise and dieting. If you're having days where you are feeling boyish then sit in them boxers and wear that packer and be your inner man.
Currently I don't plan on physically transitioning..I only admitted this to myself at the end of December...it's all been fast and intense... so I guess now it's the internal stuff I have to deal with.
I'm just getting to the point where I'm getting use to/finding out that I like looking like a boy. How far that goes I don't know but like you I don't currently plan on physical transitioning though it is appealing, but who knows about the future. For now it best just to figure out how you feel about your gender and where you sit.
This situation mirrors EXACTLY that of a very good friend of mine. We've spent months on end talking about this. He was born female, was always attracted to women but never identified as a lesbian. He always used to tell me how much- even within our gay circle of friends - he just couldn't fit in or identify with the group. The problem was that is was just so difficult to get info out of him, because he simply couldn't explain how he felt. He went through transition after meeting a girl and wanted to be her man. He's been on T for a few years now, takes T injections twice a month, has had mastectomy, and he says he's in a heterosexual relationship and identifies as fully heterosexual. But surely this is not for everybody. Best not get tempted too quickly, you might fall into a bigger pit if you're not 100% sure. It could get very expensive AND requires tremendous emotional stability because it's probably one of the most important personal life decisions you could ever take. There's such a huge pressure for us to put a label on ourselves just because it's socially convenient and labels don't require intelligent thought. I think it's great that you're giving yourself time to figure yourself out. I wish you courage and strength to continue figuring it out, it won't be easy but I truly wish you all the strength possible... Shoot a msg if you need someone to talk to...
Yes, physical transitioning is a lot to deal with and can be a hassle. I was the exact same, constantly thinking about whether or not I could even live as a man 100% of the time. Especially when it takes so much work. I've been raised and socially conditioned as a female so even though I don't like it, I'm used to it. And social interaction as a male would be a huge change, like venturing into the unknown. Pretty scary. It seemed easier to just dress/act however I felt whenever I wanted. But I take issue with people perceiving me to be just a butch woman, which I do not at all identify as. And my chest gives me unbelievable dysphoria. I hate running/jumping and can't stand seeing myself in pictures that show my torso. I realized the only way I would be happy with how I look/feel is to go ahead with transition. Just because every so often I can forget about it and I'm capable of still being alive while living as a female doesn't mean I shouldn't transition. My quality of life is severly limited by my living as a female. I consciously and subconsciously opt out of doing many things and am constantly dealing with anxiety. I've missed out on a lot; I don't remember the last time I went swimming or had a real, honest conversation with someone or just had some unadultured fun. It's going to be difficult and there will be lots of obstacles but I believe I'll have a better life if I transition. I don't know if you can relate to any of that but that was part of the process I went through when realizing I was trans and wanted to transition. Genderqueer is a really broad term and is open to interpretation. A lot of people have their own personal definition. And there are lots of non-binary genders that people have coined names for. Just remember that you can like feminine and/or masculine assigned things while identifying as male, female, feminine, masculine or any combination, or even neutral. I actually consider myself to be a pretty feminine guy. All I can say is take all the time you need. You don't need to have an answer right this second. And don't let negative influences affect your thought process or any decisions you make.
