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Demigirl or Ciswoman?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Jamesina, Apr 27, 2015.

  1. Jamesina

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Vancouver, CA
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I’m dfab and there’s definitely a lot about being female that I identify with and like. But sometimes it just feels wrong. I am cool with my body personally, but I feel so sick and horrible when people make references to my body in a female context (i.e. talking about my breasts or bra); it just makes me feel so small and horrible even though I am personally fine with my breasts when it’s just me thinking about them by myself. I am sorry if that’s super weird and confusing or anything. Being OK with my body has been a process for me, for example when I was first developing breasts I couldn’t bring myself to look at myself in the mirror without a shirt on. I can look at myself now, no problem whatsoever, although I have been thinking about possibly getting a binder for when I want to present more masculine/want to feel more secure and safe around other people. Idk if any of this is dysphoria or not.

    The only time I’ve ever discussed any of this irl is when it came up briefly with my therapist (I’m seeing him for a totally different reason). He was asking how I felt during puberty and I basically explained that I have blocked a lot of it out because it was so uncomfortable for me. He also encouraged me not to feel ashamed of having a period and stuff and I explained that I was fine with having a period, just not with the gendered stuff that gets attached to it. He asked me if I thought I might be transgender (male) and I said that while it has crossed my mind, I really don’t feel male. I think he summed it up pretty well afterwards when he said it sounded like there was part of me that wants to be female and part that doesn’t. I looked that up later and it seems to me that demigirl would be the label for that. I really connected with that term, but the possibility of identifying outside the binary also feels strange to me because I feel like I benefit from a lot of cis privilege, and I also feel uncertain about what would happen if I started IDing as a demigirl. Could I still call myself a lesbian, for example?

    Basically idk if I’m a cis woman who is just feeling uncomfortable in a patriarchal/misogynistic society or if I’m possibly non-binary, like being a demigirl. If any one has any thoughts or insights, they would be much appreciated.
     
  2. YuriBunny

    Full Member

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    I'm an introvert; I live in my head.
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey, I can relate. :slight_smile:

    Look at my little info thing and you'll see I'm a demigirl and a lesbian. Demigirls can be lesbians, because they are still partly female.

    You could very well be a demigirl, judging by what you've said here. You'll want to think about it a little more though, and try to figure out exactly what causes your discomfort.

    I have blog posts here about my gender. Maybe reading them might help you out?
     
  3. darkcomesoon

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    What you described sounds like dysphoria to me, which means it would be 100% valid for you to identify as a demigirl. I am often skeptical of dfab demigirls because I find that most cis people don't feel a strong connection to their gender, but generally, cis women who want to ID as trans because of misogyny object to gender roles while experiencing no physical dysphoria. A misogynistic society would not cause you to have physical dysphoria.

    You will still benefit from a lot of cis privilege in your daily life as long as you are a female presenting, female passing demigirl, despite not being 100% cis. You can still call yourself a lesbian as long as you're IDing using a label that's primary focused on femaleness (i.e. demigirl). If you end up with a label that isn't focused on femaleness (e.g. androgyne), I would advise against using the term.
     
  4. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    Location:
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    You might also want to look up demifluid. And as to the privilege thing, as was said above, as long as your gender expression is mostly female (which does not mean being 100% conforming, of course), you can continue to reap the benefits of cis women.