struggling/confused about being trans...

I want to say that you are some form of trans but that is really up for you to decide.

I do understand. When I first wore makeup I was 17 and I did it because I felt I need to try and be more girl. I felt pressured. And my face did look better and more girl, but I was apathetic about it all in general. And I'll admit that I do like my boobs at times, but rarely. I play with them, not in the 'this feels good' sort of way, more in the 'what the fuck are these anyway' sort of way. I have gender neutral clothing as well, I tried more girly clothing (meaning shirts that showed off boobs) and that lasted about a day before I grew uncomfortable.

Transitioning seemed like a lot to me as well, still does. I got some advice from people on here though, take a step back and take one thing at time. First comes coming to terms with if you are trans or not. That might involved a gender therapist as it is difficult to do it on your own (yay internet support and other trans on here). Then you can start thinking about hormones and the likes. If its not for you then its not for you. Not all trans people undergo hormones and surgeries, they are fine in their body's for the most part and just express their inner gender through clothing and the like.
Don't feel pressured into doing something that you neither want or need. If you do it, do it because you want to and because you feel like it is the right step for you.

 

To be honest I haven't really figured out what I am. I know that for the most part I feel very male, but I don't really have much physical and social dysphoria, at least not since I graduated high school. I just tried to be what I thought a girl was suppose to be, I wore makeup lost weight, had a good body figure but I always found something about myself to hate. I figured it was normal, everyone seems to do it. I always had a strong desire to dress in men's clothes, they looked so much cooler and comfier than women's but I knew some family members would frown upon that. Plus, I knew my boobs would totally throw the look off (hate my boobs).
Then I kind of dressed up as a dude for an anime convention and my planets seemed to align, I looked almost like a boy and I loved it. Took a while for me to act upon that though, but I've reached the point where I am dressing more like a guy, and I love the look! I actually want to go into public and show how i look off (which I didn't before) but that stirred up some problems. For one some mistook me for a guy (which I had no problem with) but my aunt quickly corrected them and then joked about it all day, as well as telling everyone that I told the lady it was okay to call me a guy. And from other jokes they were making a lot of my family probably thought at that moment that my dressing like that was my way of saying I was a lesbian (I'm not :/, and if I am honest I will say people mistaking me as one is another reason I didn't dress that way.)
But anywho, I am still figuring it out. I seem to change between agender, genderfluid, and demiguy (transmasculine)

In my head my current desired body image is close to this, but I am uncertain about transitioning (considering the money and social ramifications, and the possibility of being alone for being trans.) I'm gonna try to reach that body image through diet and exercise and continue to explore who I am. I know its not much help for you :/