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Soo..my FtMs out there

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Matto_Corvo, Apr 28, 2015.

  1. Matto_Corvo

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    When I first started exploring my gender and doing research I learned about binders and packers. First thoughts....OMG BINDERS!!!...ALL THE SHIRTS I CAN NOW WEAR PROPERLY...because if you've been reading my constant confusing posts you'll know trying on men's shirts at 14 was a crushing defeat and forced me into the pink box and hating those sacks of chest fat more.

    Now, packing...I was unsure of that. I never had much dysphoria centered around that area, at least I don't remember as much. I mean I'll admit that I have a fascination with penises, but as a person attracted to men that is normal, right? And I have wondered what it would be like to have one, just to stand and pee, and have sex, and masturbate, and just do everyday life with something dangling...but I'm sure everyone wonders about that....I have gone off topic, haven't I?

    Okay, so originally I wasn't going to even think about packing, I thought it would be kind of awkward, especially to explain to my mom why there is a penis like thing hidden in my sock drawer. But my curiosity...;-; it says I must try. It says there is one that lets you stand and pee, something I've always wanted to try. So..I might...When you first packed was it awkward? I mean were you extremely conscious of it being there and were you afraid people would notice?

    And..about trying to pass for the first time, can someone describe their first time? I live in a small town, people know me and I'm afraid of what they'll think about seeing me looking like a boy. I'm also afraid that I will pass and that I won't like it, being a boy in the comfort of my home feels right to me, but I'm afraid that outside these walls I won't. Or that I'll let fear or what others thing force me back into the box.
    The first time I wore my new shorts all I wanted to do was walk around the town and show them off because I loved how I looked in them...I don't want to give up the feeling of loving how I looked. From where more fem clothes to wearing makeup, I did it because I wanted others to find me attractive, not because I wanted to find myself attractive (well I think I looked good with makeup, I don't think that makes me less trans...does it?). I finally want to do something because I like how I look in it and feel...just so much doubt and fear and confusion to work through as I do it, and I have no idea if it any of this is normal. I'm constantly of the thinking that all trans, once they have realized they are trans, are just instantly aware that they are male and that they have no doubt or confusion over that. I'm probably wrong on that and I wish someone could tell me as much
     
  2. Outlier

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    I don't have anything for the first part since I don't pass yet, but for this part.... Nope. Definitely does not make you less trans. In fact... nothing... seriously nothing can do that. Make-up, hair, nails, pink, etc, are all societal gender boxes that far confining and confusing, but completely useless. You are the gender you are no matter what you like or like to do.

    And with the doubt and confusion. I can't speak for all, but for me and for a lot of others who have said so, those feelings are typical and perfectly normal.
     
  3. Queero

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    So.....this is gonna be really awkward......but have you tried packing with socks yet? I have a couple times, and it's pretty awesome for me. Helpful tips: you cannot stand and pee with socks :slight_smile:, and keep one like a sock, and then roll the one(s) up and stuff them inside the first sock, then shape it after it's stuffed and taadaa!
     
  4. Matto_Corvo

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    Like any kind of sock or knee length. I only really wear socks that stop before my ankle
     
  5. MojoDojo

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    I've never packed so I'm no help there. I don't have any dysphoria around that. Although - your expression doesn't affect your identity. You are a trans boy because you are a boy, not because of how you choose to dress or express yourself.

    And I can definitely relate to binders and how awesome they are. How DID I wear shirts before them?

    I have used stand to pee devices though... and my suggestion is practice at home first. In the bathtub. It's a bigger target and easier to clean.
     
  6. Minnie

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    I remember buying my first packer, from an LGBT-oriented sex shop. I was so awkward buying it, and the guy selling it didn't even bat an eyelid. It's not something I've thought about in ages so I might miss some details. I wasn't sure which size to go for, so went for the smallest. I wasn't sure if I should buy one.
    I was aware of it being in my bag and wanting to try it on. I did later that day, and I was at my gran's and my dad was also there so I didn't say anything.
    The worrying thing about it for me at times was if people saw the bulge, especially since I don't pass.. but then decided that worrying about what others would think was a waste of time. I'm not sure if it matches the shape of a penis perfectly and makes a bigger bulge than it's supposed to.
    I've not had a STP but I think I'll perhaps buy one. FYI the packer I have is a Mr Limpy's which is a good price (although I got mine after Christmas) - between £12 and £14/15. So... $20ish?
     
  7. Queero

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    Well, any kind can be rolled up in the first sock, I used a sock that came up to the bottom of my calf to be the...case for want of a better term. Because if it's too small of a case, it looks like an abnormal lump and not a bulge.

    We have super awkward conversations, don't we?
     
  8. Matto_Corvo

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    Lol I suppose we do.
     
  9. Queero

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    It's something you really have to do to get exactly how to do it. And there's no way I can physically show you.

    but yeah, we do have awkward conversations. I don't mind though :slight_smile: Bring on the awkward!
     
  10. Matto_Corvo

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    lol awkward conversations can be fun though. This is like our version of cis males talking about dicks (is it wrong to compare it to that?)
    I can try the socks. I don't really own any long socks, but I will see what I can rig up.

    Still having that feeling of being a teenage boy, mostly because I look in the mirror and pretty much that is what I see. I think my face is shaped very much like a teenage boy's with its roundness, but hey I actually kind love looking boyish.

    Wonder if viewing one self as a teenage boy at my age is normal. >__<

    but yeah...think I will talk to my mom about binders when I get home. I actually don't mind wearing my bra because, though it be a push up bra, my boobs actually look smaller in the bra. With out is when they seem larger and just ugh to me. Can't stand looking at them or my hips, luckly long enough shirts can hide the hips. I know I go on and on
     
  11. Queero

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    :slight_smile: Delightfully awkward. We can ask each other all the awkward things we want.

    Oh, and a benefit to being trans, is that you can choose the size dick you want! Weird, but it made me laugh. My friend wasn't sure how to be supportive and just blurted that out. It was hilarious.

    I buy men's medium shirts, that way they are loose enough on me that they don't make me any more uncomfortable, and then they go all the way over my butt. This is the best way so far.

    ---------- Post added 28th Apr 2015 at 01:13 PM ----------

    When I get a binder, I'll likely have to buy new shirts, because that's a lot of space gone, and then it'll just look like I had to borrow my uncle's clothes all the time, like I don't own anything in the right size. But then I'll get boy's clothes! Yay!
     
  12. Matto_Corvo

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    Can't wait to get a binder and go and try on boy's shirts.
     
  13. Queero

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    Me either! I'll be the gay friend who wants to go shopping with all his girl friends! Haha!

    I look forward to more delightfully awkward conversations with you. :slight_smile:


    There are benefits to me being a short person with a smaller frame, boys clothes will be cheaper. I have to buy boy's shoes too.
     
  14. Matto_Corvo

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    I've worn the same boy shoes for the last 9 years. I always wore skate shoes, DCs and VANs because I thought they were boyish but I never dared wear boy shoes. Then the shoes I wanted was gone so I got the boy ones.

    I would say my mom would freak if she found a packy in my sock drawer, but hell I found her dildos in the closet so she can't say shit. TMI i know
     
  15. Queero

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    Wow. Ew. Not something you want to ever think about.

    If you do just socks you can undo them and then it just looks like socks.

    But an actual packer, I have no idea where it would be appropriate to put it when you're not using it. In a drawer? A box?
     
  16. Matto_Corvo

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    a locked box xD
    nah if I got one I would tell my mom. I'm mostly just curious about what it would be like. I might try it and find I don't like it xD
     
  17. Queero

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    It does feel weird at first, and if you put too many socks in at once, it makes you have to walk really funny.

    I'll have to likely tell my mother too, because she'll have to buy it, and I'll pay for it, it'll be one of the most awkward moments of my life.
     
  18. Matto_Corvo

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    "Mom,...i wanna buy a strap on dick.."

    sorry, I know it will be awkward but I can't help but laugh.
    Sorry mom, I'm boy and my puberty is going different than my brothers. Need to buy my equipment.
     
  19. Queero

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    "ummmm...okay, what size do you want then honey?"


    Oh God.
     
  20. Matto_Corvo

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    Lol.
    That's how I like to describe it. Puberty taking a lil longer for me than it has my brothers.