So I am going for dinner at my dad's place tonight. He's probably the most open minded member of my family. He also is a big fan of FC St. Pauli, a left-wing anti-racist, anti-fascist, anti-sexist, anti-homophobic German football team. Now I posted something on facebook about gender fluid, and encouraged him to have a read. I want to tell him, but I am still scared. It feels like a point of no return. I rather hope he asks me then I won't have to raise the subject. Any advice on how to do this? Also, how can I raise the subject is he doesn't?
I get that you're scared. I'm guessing you're fairly certain he'll take it well, but there's always that uncertainty hovering over the whole situation. You're not afraid of your dad's reaction, you're afraid of the uncertainty surrounding it. Personally, I'd open with "so you're probably wondering why I asked you to read that thing on genderfluids out of the blue."
It's a bit scary, huh? I don't think I'll ever tell my own Dad, but yours seems a lot more open-minded. Before going in, know what you are putting at stake when coming out, but also think about what you gain from it. I'm not sure how he'll react, but do expect the worse-case scenario so it won't hit you blindsided IF it does. Knowing what the worse might come will prepare you to respond more reasonably and less in a stammering of words. Hmm...well for starters, that post you made on Facebook was a good first step. That's something you can refer to later on when you're talking to him. If he responds to it positively, that's a good cue to come out to him about it. Try to find some point in your conversation where you can casually remark on it, like a past moment you two remember, or an fun anecdote. Most importantly though, speak from the heart and put weight to your words. Tell him in a way that you're looking for his support on the matter, and not as a means of opposition (that's the first conclusion parents tend to jump to). There's still lots of people I'm afraid to break the news to, so take my advice with a grain of salt. I wish you all the best in your endeavors. And if things turn out for the worse, you're still you.
I am not going to into detail. I wll just tell him I don't always feel like a guy. If he asks more then that's up to him.
I will see how I feel. Maybe I'll just go over have a nice meal and some coffee and a glass of gin. ---------- Post added 28th Apr 2015 at 04:31 PM ---------- Is it too risky?
I'm just saying that I don't think you'll be able to say "I'm genderfluid, but let's not go into detail. How about this steak, huh?" He'll have questions. Obviously you could tell him you don't want to go into detail, but I don't think it'd work out well.
I have a rough idea of telling him it might explain some feelings and thoughts I've had over the years. ---------- Post added 28th Apr 2015 at 05:05 PM ---------- Right. Heading off now. Wish me luck!
I couldn't do it ---------- Post added 28th Apr 2015 at 10:26 PM ---------- Screw it. I have sent him a Facebook message
It is often easier than you think. I rued telling my sister, then I did and she was super happy for me and uber supportive. Your mind makes it more daunting than it actually is, but that doesn't take away from the fact that it required a lot of courage to do it and for that I salute you.
