1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

confused again

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Matto_Corvo, Apr 28, 2015.

  1. Matto_Corvo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2015
    Messages:
    2,270
    Likes Received:
    51
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I know ya'll tired of hearing from me.

    Was out with my aunt and was trying to to focus on how I feel gender wise. To be honest I wasn't sure how I felt. I was just me most of the time. I had a few moments where I thought of myself as a teenage boy (but I'm 23) and then there were moments where I felt like a gay guy.
    At home I know I don't feel like a girl. At home I know I feel like a boy most of the time. But in public I don't know how to feel. I know how people view me and how I appear. I want to be seen as a boy, I think that would help, but at the same time I'm not sure.
    I asked my friend to call me by male pronouns and she called me sir and I liked that. I haven't asked anyone else to do so yet.

    I also asked my mom i was boyish as a child and she said not really. I told her that I remember being boyish and she said that I usually wanted to do whatever the boys (my brothers and cousins) were doing. Do I remember being boyish because I felt like a boy back then or am I just a confused girl now?? I told another friend about it and he said it was normal for kids to mimic everyone around them. :/
    Perhaps I'm not trans but then what the hell am I because I don't feel like girl.
    Some days I can't do anything but imaging transitioning and other days I'm not so sure. I mean after high school my dysphoria wasn't so bad. And I never really had social dysphoria unless you count social anxiety to be that.
    I don't know about anything anymore.
    All I can do is to keep exploring this.
    Why does me thinking I'm not a boy sadden me? Tell me I'm not a girl and I would be thrilled. I use to wish the doctor would tell me I was intersex so that I had an excuse for a body that was female and a personality that was rather boyish.
     
  2. Matto_Corvo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2015
    Messages:
    2,270
    Likes Received:
    51
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Is it normal to feel male when alone or with people who know you are questioning, and then when in public around those who think you female you just feel female? This is very confusing to me.
     
  3. Queero

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2015
    Messages:
    277
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indiana
    "All I can do is keep exploring this more"

    That's pretty much it.^ Right there.

    But I don't think it is at all unusual to have such fluctuations. I have them all the time, I'm currently not any gender, but I think I will likely go back to transguy when I feel calmer.

    Based off how you're talking about this, I'd say you seem like a transguy to me.

    ---------- Post added 28th Apr 2015 at 01:32 PM ----------

    I don't know, usually when I'm alone I feel just like myself, occasionally male, and when I'm with people I'm out to it's like an explosion of rainbow.

    But when I do things like volunteer at my grandmother's church (in the nursery), I feel more girlish.

    I don't know why this is, but I understand.
     
  4. Matto_Corvo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2015
    Messages:
    2,270
    Likes Received:
    51
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    its either that or I am a really boyish girl. Bah, labels and society. fuck them. I will do me, and others can just go :***: themselves.
    welcome to the working of my tired mind xD
    -is looking at cheap binders, and nice suits-
     
  5. Queero

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2015
    Messages:
    277
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indiana
    Labels and society aren't my usual type, but okay.


    Just do what is best for yourself, and let everyone else get over themselves.
     
  6. Matto_Corvo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2015
    Messages:
    2,270
    Likes Received:
    51
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    life much more exciting that way
     
  7. Queero

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2015
    Messages:
    277
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indiana
    Not even about orientation or identity, but people just need to know that there are different people out there, and they need to learn to be respectful.
     
  8. Matto_Corvo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2015
    Messages:
    2,270
    Likes Received:
    51
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    my gender = whatever the hell I feel like
    my orientation = men, though I try to keep an open mind

    beyond that people don't need to know anything else. Wonder if I should put that on ******* xD

    i just wanna talk about clothes
    this and this and this soooo this

    why do i feel i have a clothes fetish
     
  9. Queero

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2015
    Messages:
    277
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indiana
    Hmm...

    First one I like, second one I can really see myself wearing, third one, not so much. I for some reason hate all forms of formal/semi-formal wear. Don't really know why.

    First one looks awesome though, 'cept I'd feel weird about the chest pockets.

    ---------- Post added 28th Apr 2015 at 02:01 PM ----------

    I want some boy's overalls. Really, really want some.

    Because when you're little like me, and you wear overalls, people just see you as a kid. Which is nice.
     
  10. Matto_Corvo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2015
    Messages:
    2,270
    Likes Received:
    51
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Lol I've never been a fan of over alls.

    I love men's formal wear like you would not believe. My preferred fashion in men's clothes is either Asian fashion or formal or semi formal. High class man that I like to think of myself as. (Aka I a broke bastard.)
     
  11. Queero

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2015
    Messages:
    277
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indiana
    Overalls can be a pain though, like if you have to use public bathrooms. Nightmare. But there nice for me if I've been feeling really dysphoric, because they draw attention away from your chest, and that's unfortunately something I have to think about whenever I wear anything. :frowning2: Damn I need a binder.



    Formal for me just makes me feel stuck. I occasionally get in a mood where I like it on me, but I for some reason don't like to see guys wearing formal wear as attractive.

    Everyone I know thinks this is odd.
     
  12. Matto_Corvo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2015
    Messages:
    2,270
    Likes Received:
    51
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    well we all have our own style.

    I love formal wear on man. Man with class is a turn on. At the same time, man with shirt off and nice muscles is a turn on as wel