Recently, I got some really depressing news and I don't know how to handle it. I'm 17 right now, and I have been living out as a transman socially for a year, and to family for four years. My father is very unaccepting and sees it as a demonic influence, and obviously with that mindset I've had no success in changing his opinion. I graduated high school a year early (I will graduate this june) so that I could leave for university and establish myself as male, and was planning to just get a single dorm on a residency hall because they are coed. I work a part time job and am financially responsible for myself, but my school won't allow freshman to live off campus, and because I'm 17, I can't sign for an apartment without parental consent (which they won't give). I emailed them and asked, and they told me I will be placed with a female because I'm a freshman and we get last picks for single dorms. This is just so depressing to the point I'm considering not going to university; I was leaving to finally live as my identity, and to be placed with a girl who is going to be uncomfortable around me and flagged as female just by my room placement is really intimidating. I pass as male 100% of the time, which makes it worst because now I will be kind of a freakshow to them. I don't even think there is advice for this, I just have no idea what to do.
Hey, don't give up hope. Have you explain to the school that you are a trans man and being placed with a female is an affront to your gender as well as your rights?
There are options. Under no circumstances would I give up going to college. First, I'd suggest contacting both the residential life department and if there's a counseling center, a campus omsbudsman, or other new student resource (every college has one, they go by different names) I would contact this department and explain your situation. Very often they have discretionary single rooms available for special situations like this. Another option, depending on how soon you'll be 18: You can file with the court for emancipation, which has the effect of a judge signing an order making you legally an adult at 17. This usually takes time, but if, say, you recently turned 17 it might be worth it. Finally, there are often mom-and-pop landlords... a family whose children have grown renting out one room, a guy who owns one or two houses and rents them to students... that sort of thing. Your residential life department at the school, and the counseling or student resource center often has their fingers on the pulse of such people and circumstances, and colleges -- particularly if you have one with pretty strong support for LGBT people -- are generally really good at helping people get through these sorts of situations. Finally, you could look and see if there's an LGBT center or resource center in the area where your school is. Often these places have connections and resources for people in your exact situation. The important thing to know is, there is definitely a solution here, it's just a matter of finding it, and I think you'll find that going to college and starting that path will be exactly what you need.
How about a shared apartment? Idk if you are able to move in at your age - considering the law... I moved out of home 1 1/2 years ago and I am very very happy that I made this decision.
Schools will often, quietly, make exceptions for unusual circumstances. This might be one of them. You need to find the right person -- usually the dean of student life or similar higher-up position, but you never know unless you ask.
Thank you Chip, I spoke to the dean through my school about the issue and I think they understand the complications more clearly now. I'm pretty sure the person who emailed me was a student intern for the school instead of the head of housing like I thought, but I'm now waiting for a decision on my waiver. It's still not 100% but it looks a lot more optimistic.
Good. I would also tell them that what they are doing is more or less puting a male in a room with a female
Well, I understand where they are coming from, because aside from gender, I look really young compared to men on a college campus; it would personally make me uncomfortable to room with adult men because it's just more emphasized. I think it's reasonable enough to ask for a single dorm because rooming with women will be just as awkward, but they're basically saying I would have to pay for an off campus residency and I can't get a co signer so kind of f*cked, but I guess I have no choice except to completely ignore the circumstance in self delusion until it passes lol.
