My parents are going to come visit me at the end of the month and I need to tell them that I have been going by a different name, and that I'd like them to use it too. I informed them in the fall that I identify as agender but didn't ask them to change anything in how they referred to me. Since then I have experimented a bit and have chosen a preferred name and pronouns that I use among the people I live with. I'm kind of afraid to ask my parents to use it, but I also don't want to ask people to stop using my preferred name while my parents are here. And in the long run I want my parents to use the new name. I think I need to just break down and send them an email, but i keep resisting. To add to the complexity I do not use the new name professionally or at school. The people I live with almost never have contact with people at school (and know this is a house only thing) but my parents will be in contact with both and I'm also afraid they will use the wrong name at school. Its hard enough for me to introduce myself correctly all the time. I think I also feel guilty about using a name different from what my parents originally picked. I don't necessarily have anything against that name, but I associate it with myself as female and I really don't like that. I don't know how important that name is to them. Any thoughts on this? Is my anxiety just being overactive (as usual)?
Have they been accepting so far? If they have, then it's probably nothing to worry about. As long as they're doing their best to understand and respect you, everything should work out.
They weren't hostel when I told them but, except for an email saying thanks for letting us know, they haven't brought it up or changed anything (I'm still their daughter). I think they are doing their best but I don't know what they really think. I told them to send me questions if they had them but they haven't. What bothers me is that i spent a long time building up the courage to talk to them at all and they didn't really keep the door open. I have to build up to it again and the deadline is coming up quickly if I want to worn them before they show up and no one where I live refers to me by my old name. I know I'm freaking out over something that is unlikely to cause a problem, but I am still freaked out.
I think you have to be clear somehow. I know more clear is more scary, always more nerves. It's a lot to ask of yourself, but there's the possibility of telling them specifically 'This is my name, as I'm sure you remember. These are the pronouns I prefer. I'd like you to call me your child (or what you prefer them to call you), not daughter.' Stay strong, sending you a big hug and lots of love (*hug*) <3
