Passing FTM's - not transitioning

Hello all, I'm new here.. I recently came out to myself as a lesbian. It wasn't so much a revelation as an act of self- honesty, and when it happened, it felt so wonderful, like everything made sense and nothing had to be difficult anymore (I.e., wrangling with heterosexuality). As you can tell from my age, I'm mature, but I haven't exactly lived under a rock all my life. I've moved in and out and among gays, bisexuals, transexuals, etc, at least enough not to be completely daft.

Having said that, I must say that, having read the terminology stickies, I am a little overwhelmed with all the terms and various ways gender and sexuality are construed -- that's not a comment on the community so much as it is on the way these continue to elude naming. As a linguist, I find that interesting. I wonder if human language is by nature constrained by biological gender.

So what am I, a gay female, doing on your board? First of all, I hope I'm not intruding, and second, I hope I'm in the right place. But most of all, I hope I won't be made fun of, or ostracized for talking about this subject.

I'm in love with FTM's who pass all the time. Not butches, not Casey whatever-her-name-is who "models" men's clothing, --but not transitioning FTM's, either. Just women who quietly pass as men, who are comfortable in their own skin, and more concerned with which tie matches their shirt than about which binder to use to compress this or that curve. And nevertheless, my man is all woman ... only with me.

I joined this forum to find, perhaps, such men, but I get the feeling now that they are elusive, even here, on the transgender board. I don't know.

I live in the deep South, and don't expect to meet anyone any year soon, and that's okay. I've got two little men of my own to grow. But perhaps when I move to the west coast in a couple of years I'll meet him. I know he's out there.

So, I guess I'm just sharing rather than asking for answers. If anyone wants to offer feedback, please don't hesitate. I hope you will extend your umbrella of tolerance to my little niche of gender queerness, if that is even what it is, lol!

Thanks for letting me share - E.

 

I am not even going there here! I'm going to wait until I am safely away from the land of Jesusists before I begin courting. ;-)