Hi! First of all let me apologize for my grammar skills and thank you for the possibility to post my hello here. Im 30 years of age and assigned and viewed as male. The last 10 years I have been actively questioning my position as a man and have been trying to shape my own, alternative, kind of masculinity. The decision to continue definig myself as male has therefore been mainly political. Lately though I have begun to doubt how much good it actually does me, to battle everything it means to be viewed as and self identify as a man. When I think on it I find that Im appealed by the genderqueer, agender on non-binary definitions. At the same time I strongly feel that if I would have been able to, I would have choosen to be born a woman. That being said, as things are now, I do not think that I feel any strong need or urge to change or transition as it is. I would simply prefer just stopping being a male. Perhaps my thoughts about defining as female is the result of femininity being the opposite of what I dont want. Im quite confused right now and hope that taking part of your thoughts and other posts in the forum will help me clear things up a little. Thank you
Lots of Swedes here Hi! I did not question actively for more than half a year or one year or so until I threw off that worthless mask - 'man', gosh it feels bad in my mouth. (Yes, I'm DMAB) To actively question your gender identiy in terms of the established forms e.g. bigender, agender, etc., takes time and mental energy. You consider different possibilities and then you narrow them down to being more and more specific. That being said, some stop at 'genderqueer', while some go more specific. For me, the process of narrowing down was something like this: (DMAB) > Trans* > Non-binary > Trigender > Fluid trigender > Demigirl, masculine and neutral It didn't take too long though, and the exploration never really stops. It's a fun process, don't worry too much about it! You would prefer stop being a male? Well, I've already stopped. Stopping is literally done in an instant. If you don't want to identify as male, just admit it to yourself, 'I am not a man'. And you aren't Then you can start with 'coming out' etc., and propelling that feeling outwards. It may be that femininity is the part of your gender identity you identify most with, or that that is the strongest part. That's me too in that case (albeit a quite close tie). Your grammar is fine I was in Malmö the other week, it's a beautiful city.
The exploring of your gender identity may take a while, but it's an important step towards accepting. I knew about 20 years ago that i was different and after about those 20 years of hiding/ignoring/trying to make it go away i finally accepted it. It took me a week to stop being a man (i'm DMAB) i now identify as Androgynous because i still have a male side to myself(besides my body) but i accept the feminine side too now. At this moment i'm not considering full transition but i made a lot of changes in appearance and behavior. Society made up male and female roles but you are free to define your own. Like someone said to me lately "there is a lot of gray between black and white" find your way in life and be happy
I feel the same way you do, OP. I am similarly confused, and very glad to have found this resource. Meeting other people who have the same struggle and finding a space where I can be open about my feelings is re-assuring.
Hi! Thank you so much for your feedback. As you say, it is very comforting being able to try out my thoughts about this in this forum, it all feels so friendly and caring. Triflow: I find your comment about just stopping being a man very encouraging and empowering in it's simplicity! I think that that might be exactly what I should let my self do. And as you and Penta say, I guess finding an expression that suits me must be allowed to happen step by step. Thank you all again!!
