Sorry if this is...explicit, I guess, but I don't quite know what's going on with me. I should preface this by saying I don't think I've experienced bodily dysphoria before, & I have no plans to transition. I can't picture myself with a penis, nor do I like to, but I feel strange about my vagina lately. More specifically, when I masturbate. I've never had this problem in the past, but it almost feels like it isn't mine. I don't have this problem with my breasts. I have been feeling male or neutral more often lately. What I'm wondering is, does this qualify as body dysphoria? If not, what do you think it might be? What should I do about it?
Yep. That counts as dysphoria. One form of dysphoria is simply feeling a disconnect from your sex characteristics (e.g. some part of your body feeling like it's not yours or it's not supposed to be there), so that's probably what you're experiencing.
Well that's distressing news... What should I do about it? I don't wanna change my body really, I just feel a little weird about it sometimes lately.
That might be tricky... do you have a problem with your naked body in general? Well, I do, so if I'm masturbating (though I never touch my penis), I do it under the covers... and most often half-close my eyes or well, just don't stare at myself... Me, I do want to transition, though not all the way... if I may, I really hope so... But if that's not something you want to do, maybe spend less time in the nude etc... So, you feel weird you say... not, like, panicking or freaking out? Oh, and I also had that after coming out, I kind of felt more girly, not that I didn't have those feelings before, I just never let them out before. That might be what you're experiencing. Don't know if that helps at all, but if it did, great ^.^
No, I actually really like my naked body. I'm not disgusted with it or resentful of it or sad about it or anything like that. This past week, I've just had a weird, vague, distracting discomfort whenever I touch my vagina at all. It's not that I hate having it, or that I want a penis instead, it's just that I'm more aware of it suddenly. I'm not panicking or getting nauseous, it's nothing more than a mild discomfort. I don't wanna change it, I just feel strange about it being there. It's like, I know it's there, but I never think about it, & I've not had this problem in the past, but all of the sudden when I touch it I'm having a hard time believing it's really there, if that makes sense?
hm, in that case I refer back to darkcomesoon above. and can just add that you might be feeling that your genitalia is something that defines your social gender role, which you (I think?) disagree with, that you're assumed to be cis female because of it, and therefore you have a disconnected feeling from it? if you've any more questions I'll answer, but that's all I got for now ^^'
I've never really considered that, that it seems like a "female" thing & since I'm not necessarily female I don't feel connected to it. That could have something to do with it, yeah.
Sometimes dysphoria can be caused by the gendering of body parts (e.g. feeling disconnected from your genitalia because it's considered female) but a lot of the time it's just that your brain's map of your body is different than the body you have (this can be true even if the dysphoria is mild, like yours). Unless you think de-gendering your genitalia (refusing to think of it as female) would help you, I don't think it matters much what the exact cause is. Honestly, I don't know if there's much you can do about it. You're unlikely to make the dysphoria go away for good (unless it decides to go away on its own), but seeing as it sounds quite mild, that's not the worst thing. You'll gradually find ways to cope with it and make it less uncomfortable. (I wish I could give you some methods that work for me, but the only advice I've got is very targeted towards guys / transmasculine people. Hopefully someone whose identity is more similar to yours can help out a bit.) (Reading this post over, I realize it sounds super gloomy and hopeless. I swear everything is not the worst! Mild dysphoria is really not too terrible to have, and you'll find coping methods. I just can't give you any suggestions at the moment.)
Thank you, Jesse! At the moment this body dysphoria business is a new feeling for me & mostly annoying but also a little stressful. I'll look into some coping stuff. De-gendering might help. I have a couple nb friends I can talk to about it.
