So, recently I started to get the feeling that I might have to come out to my parents soon, because I've changed my appearance a lot and they are noticing it. But I feel like they won't believe that I'm trans, because of 2 reasons: - they think transgenderism is a mental illness or a perversion - they will think it's just another phase and that someone has talked me into it. That's because I was bullied a lot in primary school and when puberty hit I started copying the girls in my class a lot, so I can fit in. I was copying everything they did, how they act and how they dressed and I always said things like " I want to have that/do this because everyone else has it/does it and I will be made fun of if I don't have it". Then I realised that this wasn't me and I strated trying out different style and subcultures before I came to the realisation that I'm trans. I was an emo, goth, hippie and even skinhead and my mom always said that Iwas talked into it by my friends, although it wasn't this the case. I was just trying to find my place in society and a group where I fit, because I felt very different from others. Now I think she will tell me the same about being trans, although she knows that I've always been very gender non-conforming. Since I was 4 I kept telling her that I want to be a boy, hated being girly and did boy things. Even as a teenager I've always got mad at her for wanting me to fulfill gender expectations and cried that hate being a girl and that I wish I was born a boy and always wanted to wear man's clothes. But nothing besides this would lead her to believe me, because since puberty hit I never showed any other signs in front of her than those and now she thinks that I have grown out of it and that the way I acted about gender roles was because of the hormones. I don't want to come out to her yet, but if I have to do it I don't know how to assure her that it's not just another phase. I will be staying with her for 2 months, which means I would have to dress like a girl at least some of the time and I won't be able to bind and only the though of it makes me depressed. Not to mention that I will be called by my birth name and female pronouns all the time. I feel like I won't be able to cope with it for that long.
If you want to come out, then you should just tell her. Explain to her about the dysphoria, the struggle and depression. Tell her how you feel. If she thinks that transgenderism is an illness, show her the NHS website saying otherwise. Or the many studies proving otherwise. I hate the "it's a phase" argument, but there are few counters at this point. Just tell her that even if it is a phase (which it's not), it's happening now. And using the wrong name / pronouns hurts.
Unfortunately, we can never know how others will respond when tirst told. They most likely won't react perfectly and it might be a very hard experience. However, that first experience of coming out is just a moment in time and you will most likely have many more opportunities to clarify matters, explain a bit better and become closer to your parents. Assume that it will take more than one time for them to accept it fully. Over the next few days I'm also planning to come out and it really is terrifying. You are not alone with your fears and doubts. What I decided to do is write a letter with a strong explanation and important info and give it to her after we talk. Maybe it will help you to do the same. (Maybe write about your childhood to help her create connections to the past.) (*hug*) Yael
@Im Hazel I'm not sure if she will be ever convinced that it's not an illness. I remember once we were watching a documentary about it on TV and she and her boyfriend said that americans are going crazy and democrats are making us believe that mental illnesses and perversions like transgenderism and homosexuality are normal. @Lost in thought She already makes connections with my childhood and tells me things like "what's wrong with you? Do you want to be a boy again?" and warns me to think about what I'm doing, because she doesn't want me to go crazy and have a sex change or to become a lesbian. And the way she says it feels like she will be totally unsupportive.
