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I'm morbidly obese and feel I'm too ugly to express myself

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by PeachyKeen, May 14, 2015.

  1. PeachyKeen

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    I'm 32, male, and bi. I really like feminine things. As a child, I watched shows like Jem and Rainbow Bright, I admired the cool clothes girls got to wear, and thought make up looked like fun. This was, of course, all shot down by my parents and piers. It was wrong. Everything got worse when I realized I was just as attracted to boys as I was girls. I grew up believing I was broken. I sank deeply into depression and struggled with suicidal thoughts, things I'm still fighting today.

    It wasn't until a few years ago that I shared all this with my best friend and I started to actually accept my feelings as normal. I've even gone as far as to talk to my mother who, surprisingly, supports me.

    My problem is that I feel hideous, like a disgusting monster. My weight has gotten out of hand, to the point that I now have a mass below my stomach. People must already find me repulsive, if I started wearing what I wanted, I can't even imagine how disgusted they'd be by me. If not disgusted, then a laughing stock at least.

    The easy answer here is to lose weight and then start being myself after that. That's true, I guess. I've already started working with my doctor and seeing a nutritionist. I'm doing pretty good, actually. It's going to take a couple years of hard work but, truth be told, I don't think I want to do it. The thought of having to spend two more years living the lie I've been living my whole life just destroys me. Honestly, I'd rather die.

    I feel so stuck. I don't know what to do. I feel like this is the lowest point in my life and I don't think I can get out of it. I'm out of options.
     
  2. Nekoko

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    (*hug*) oh honey! I know exactly where you are coming from, I developed a weight problem at a young age and have been struggling with it for years, it was one of the many things that made coming out so hard for me. I was always afraid of what people would think if I dressed the way I wanted and living a double life of pretending to be everyone's overweight buddy while secretly being someone completely different inside... That's probably one of the reasons I struggle coming out to my friends in fact... What helps me personally is a lot of self pep talks and doing something, ANYTHING, everyday to express some of my femininity to the outside world, whether it is walking around wearing nail polish or buying girly clothes to wear when I'm alone. Every little bit helps keep me afloat while I work on my weight and other problems. Try doing little things to express yourself and be who you want to be. Don't worry about what other people think or say, this is for you and you are the only one who matters in who you want to be! Don't give up hope! I believe in you! :slight_smile: (*hug*)
     
  3. sartorious

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    arfff

    First of all
    its your 1st post
    Welcome to EC and Enjoy the community...

    Honestly, I think you know what to do
    and in my opinion people always have an option.
    right now your options are either do it or do not!

    you are right
    losing "a lot" of weight will take time but you also remember
    you're not get fat by one or two unhealthy day, it accumulate years after years.
    so losing them is also not a matter of days and will require as long as it take.

    You already admit that you have a problem, that's good
    you consult doctors/nutritionist/dietrician/physical trainer thats even better

    Now you should gather your courage, man up and stick to the plan

    remember that the result will be equal to the effort and sacrifices you made.

    Nobody said its easy, because life is never easy...
    but you should always consider the outcome, losing all that weight will not only boost your appearance, it benefits your health : lower cancer incident, cardiovascular and stroke chances are also lower, and the list goes on and on.

    facts : losing fat on your pubic area will make your penis longer by 1 or 2 cm.

    you can get out of the situation, you can quit if you wanted to at anytime on any point.

    i'm sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear, and i'm sorry if my post is not helpful at all. You can ignore this if you want
    but if other people can do it why cant you??

    anyway
    have a good day and hopefully you got the result you want
    arfff
     
  4. HappyGirlLucky

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    Saying things like "man up" and to basically stop complaining isn't very helpful. "Man up" is a generally distasteful and damaging phrase, but it's even worse to say it to someone who may be struggling with gender expression (and perhaps even gender identity). It may be hearing things like that which is behind their weight gain in the first place.

    Nekoko gave you some great advice! And you are not hideous, PeachyKeen! I'm glad you're working to lose your weight, and that you're realistic about the time it takes to achieve it. I have noticed a lot of people who don't fit society's gender roles sometimes use food to make themselves feel better. Eating releases dopamine and serotonin in your brain, making the pain go away for a moment. You should see a therapist in addition to your nutritionist if you can, as there may be underlying emotional issues making you overindulge. You are not to blame for your weight gain, just the same as someone who cuts is not to blame for their scars.

    You're a beautiful person, and you will get through this! (*hug*)
     
    redplanet1 likes this.
  5. AlexTheGrey

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    Honey, you keep beating me to the punch. I'll just add that talking about the effects of weight loss on the penis in this case is at best a non-issue, and at worst, triggering. (Speaking to the poster who brought it up)

    And I'll also echo the sentiments of Nekoko a bit here. If your weight is a problem, do address it, for the long-term health benefits and to feel better about yourself. But I would try to accept that the weight loss isn't about passing. Women come in all sizes, and you don't have to be an ideal body type to be one.

    I do understand where you are coming from though, at least a little. I'm not terribly happy with my weight (thanks job). I do want to tackle it outside of the question of who I am underneath it all. Partly because it will help me understand my body image issues vs dysphoria, and partly because it is easier to lose weight prior to HRT (from my limited understanding, and assuming an AMAB individual). But I'm not going to hold of on exploring before that's done, because like you, I think I'd feel stuck if I didn't.

    It isn't easy, but you can do it, and get through this.

    Edit: Also, welcome and nice Chie avatar.
     
    redplanet1 likes this.
  6. ForNarnia

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    Hey there! Welcome to EC!

    It's great to hear you're working with your doctor to help you with your weight troubles :slight_smile: It takes a lot of willpower and strength to do what you're doing so well done! You can do it!

    However, do not feel like you have to lose weight because (in your words) you are 'hideous, like a disgusting monster', because that just isn't true.
     
  7. Nekoko

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    I'm glad you both said something first cause I honestly was close to raging and you both handled it better... Talking about penis size and saying man up are two of the worst things you can say to someone with possible gender expression and identity issues... Triggering statements to say the least....
     
  8. PeachyKeen

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    Thank you all for the encouragement. Its really nice to hear from people who have him through simular issues.

    I really like the idea of starting small with what I wear and how I act. Maybe I'll go shopping for some nail polish today.

    Chie is my favorite character from the Persona series. I even have a print of her by artist Kyle Resell!

    Imgur