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What the heck is happening to me???

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by ThePrideInside4, May 14, 2015.

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  1. ThePrideInside4

    ThePrideInside4
    Full Member

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    Location:
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    So...I've been dealing with A LOT. If you're not into long stories, you don't have to read. But I REALLY need help.

    In February, I told my mom that I THOUGHT I was a boy. That was a total lie. I AM a boy. It's just that, whenever I'm around my mom, I feel like it's HER choice to decide my gender for me. I meet her new friends ALL THE TIME, and she introduces me as her "daughter". Every time I hear the words "daughter", "she", "her", "girl", "sister", "lady", I go into this weird trance. After I hear the word, I'll sit and think about how I'm LYING to everyone I meet, just for my mom. She's always decided for me. I hate that.

    And to top it off, we're moving away from the only people that respect that I'm a boy. I don't want to have to come out to another school. It's hard and awkward.

    AND I have a PLATONIC CRUSH on my best friend. Platonic crushes are like friendly crushes. Like, I respect her SO much and she's so beautiful and sweet. But I'm not attracted to her romantically. I really want to cuddle her and hug her as friends but I'm only romantically attracted to men.

    If I move away, I'll have to be introduced to school as a girl and everyone will see me that way. She's the only one that respects me as a boy and I love that SO much. I just really don't want to leave and have to start over as a girl. I've pretended to be someone else for this long, and I don't want to start from the beginning. WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING TO ME? My life has never NOT been dramatic. Please help.

    Thanks.
     
    #1 ThePrideInside4, May 14, 2015
  2. ilovesg

    ilovesg
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I think you should definitely have a conversation with your mom. You told her you thought you're a boy and I don't know how she reacted when you said that, but the fact that it didn't cause an argument or anything major is a good sign. She might not know how to react and so has just chosen to act like it never happened. I think it would be good to tell her how it makes you feel when you're misgendered and maybe send her some links so she can read about it online from other people too. Moving away is hard and it sucks that you have people who respect that you're a boy and you have to leave them. It is awkward telling people I would imagine, but the reality is that you will probably be doing this a lot in your life. There will be people who you tell no matter where you go, so just think of it as practice. The more you do it the easier it'll be. You can always keep in touch with your friend with texting and skype and visits depending on how far you're moving away. Be as positive as you can. You can handle anything that happens and this will make you a stronger person. good luck : )
     
    #2 ilovesg, May 14, 2015
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