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Talking about dysphoria causes dysphoria?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Eveline, May 18, 2015.

  1. Eveline

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    Something very uncomfortable happened to me yesterday. So I wrote out a story about one of the more severe cases of dysphoria that I had. Today I woke up and just feel an overwhelming sense of shame and discomfort with who I am and my life. The dysphoria that I talked about is eating at me now and it's unbearable. This seems to me one of the more devastating effects of trying to cope with dysphoria. One of the basic tenents of psychology is that talking about problems helps us process those memories and consequently helps us desensitize ourselves or view it through a more positive point of view.

    Dysphoria seems to be different and it is unbelievably disturbing. I'm curious to hear other people's thoughts about this issue.

    Yael
     
  2. Kaiser

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    I'll give it to you very bluntly:

    You can either let dysphoria cripple you, or you can defy it and make something of yourself.

    And I assure you, doing the former, while easier at times, will only lead to accumulated frustration and a feeling of lost power, which cause more complications -- on top of the dysphoria, a.k.a. it sucks! The latter, while difficult and similar to prying a band-aid off slowly, will eventually cease hurting if you do what you can, how you can, at some point.

    Small steps, big steps, doesn't matter. Just take steps, and perhaps along the way, you'll comfort and inspire others.

    I tend to tell dysphoria to fuck off, I can still live Life. My body will just be a little late at catching up, is all.
     
  3. Eveline

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    Just to clarify, the problem isn't thst I feel the exact same dysphoria, it's that it mutates and becomes something new. It's as if whenever we try to treat a traumatic event it would create a new trauma.

    Kaiser, it's important for me to understand the beast that stands before me. Recognizing the patterns of thought that have haunted me for so long. Even my reaction to you is being influenced by what I wrote yesterday and if is fairly disturbing. No one is letting dysphoria cripple themselves, it's twisting and turning inside corrupting my thoughts.
     
  4. Kaiser

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    Here's the thing... if it mutates and changes, always, how are you ever going to understand it? At least fully. The moment you pin it down, it becomes something else and the process repeats. The best you can do is realize, it's dysphoria, and work towards fixing that instead of each new symptom.

    Therapy, education, work, friends, family, are some of the things you can focus on. I say this with experience, and as someone who is a connoisseur of knowing the world around them.

    May I ask what steps you've taken to deal with this? Aside from reflective thought.
     
  5. Eveline

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    I'm writing, I'm remembering how to dream, I'm learning to not escape when I stand before my demons, I'm seeing through the eyes of others and learning to accept and cope with this situation, I'm making plans, I'm talking to my mother, trying to find the right time to come out, I'm figuring out how I will approach the act of buying makeup and other products, I'm waiting for my appointment with the committee that oversees HRT and GRS. What I haven't been able to do is go buy clothes and buy other products and I've been struggling to come out.

    This is obviously a process and understanding how my mind works is a part of this process. Recognizing that there is a danger in allowing the corruption of thoughts and how it all works is important. I've known about being trans for a bit over two weeks. Sometimes you need to be patient and let everything fall into place.

    Thank you for making me think,

    (*hug*)

    Yael
     
  6. AlexTheGrey

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    And it helps if these things are something you actually enjoy doing. I can't tell you how much work changed for me in particular just switching teams within the same company. It became something that I was "meh" about into something that I could focus on to improve my mood. It does seem to help my outlook a ton to focus on the positive forces, and at least for a little while, distance yourself a bit from ones that can be negative at times until you can get things back on the rails.
     
  7. TheStormInside

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    I hope I'm not out of line responding here, as I'm cis and don't deal with dysphoria. But what I can relate to is focusing on one's problems causing those problems to worsen (sometimes extremely so). I have anxiety and I've tried some anxiety groups in the past, but found that talking about these issues in detail with others was just creating a feeling of depression and self pity. Odder and perhaps more related to your situation, I find watching programs about anxiety to severely increase my anxiety. Also, often before a therapy session (and sometimes after) my anxiety and depression heighten, too, because I know I will have to be thinking about and talking about these problems and that will again trigger them.

    Regarding psychology and talking through problems, it's true that this is supposed to help, but often when you are just starting out, or just starting to get to the root of your problems, you may worsen for awhile. It's bringing up a lot of feelings you likely weren't addressing before, so naturally you may feel worse until you can process them and learn how to cope with them.

    I agree with Kaiser's suggestion, too, of trying to find things you enjoy to distract yourself. I find sometimes even just knowing I'll be doing something fun after work, or example, can give me something to brighten the day with and look forward to. If you are already doing all you can to progress your situation re. coming out, transitioning, and so on, sometimes it's just a matter of waiting things out, and finding ways to cope and keep your mind off of it until you are able to take the next step.