I recenly asked some questions in regards to this to some LGBT friends on another site, and they're main advice was to bring it to a specialized site/community to get more help/explanation on the matter, so yea. I'm basically bringing this question to the experts for a lack of a better word. Basically I've heard of and looked into the term "Demi-Guy", and oddly even the LGBT focused wikis seem to have limited information about it. Not sure if my google skills are lacking or there really is limited info on it. But from what I managed to find it basically looks like the person Identifies as a man, but not fully? If that is correct, what exactly does that entail/suggest? Does that go into the "I kinda don't feel this body is right" sort of idea, or is it more of a "I don't relate/associate to a bunch of the expectations/behaviours placed upon males?" sort of deal? *Now it should be noted that atm I don't actually count as LGBT since I'm a straight male. But, as mentioned above if my impression of "Demi-Male" is accurate, then it might indeed be something that better fits and reflects me. So essentially consider this a questioning/explorations stage/period for me.
Since there doesn't seem to be an edit option for the OP: There was a bit of the post above I forgot to carry over. Reason I'm asking is because at a glance, this looks like it's actually a bit more accurate to what I feel (assuming it's the later) than simply going "Male". However, I really hate the idea of someone simply looking something up briefly and then self-diagnosing/throwing it around at everyone. So I'd rather have an accurate idea of what it means/entails beforehand. ^ That and to clarify when in the OP I claim I'm not LGBT cause I'm a straight male, I mean Straight Cis-Gendered male. I've been an admin of my colleges Pride Club before, I have a decent amount of LGBT friends, but nothing about me currently (at least until I get a better understanding of Demi-Male) actually counts as LGBT.
demi-male, from what I have been told, usually means mostly male and part other gender. Sooo..as in example, some might feel 75% male and 25% agender, or 67.14766 male and whatever% female. In the psychologist field I don't think demi-genders are recognized to much, but there are a lot of people on here who identify as a demi-gender. Hopefully one of those helpful people will come along to be more informative than I can be.
This is one of many terms that is controversial because the whole field of gender studies is, basically, in flux. None of these terms are currently accepted or recognized among much of any credible professionals, those who study the field, sexologists, or much of anyone else. (Hence the reason you're having a difficult time finding any credible information.) Basically, these terms have emerged from a very, very small but very vocal group of people who have, essentially, created all of these terms/identities without any credible basis except for self-identification. I could, for example, get 10 (or 100) people to decide we're all octopuses and insist that our identity is credible because we've decided that it is, and the external, grounded validity for that vs. any of the unrecognized identities would be roughly equivalent. So while the definition might be helpful to you, it's not going to mean much to anyone but a tiny community of people, it isn't widely recognized or accepted, and therefore, as a self-description for the general public, it likely won't help you very much. Now... if you're wanting to use it because you feel like it's the only label that fits *you*... then you're certainly entitled to do so... just recognize the limitations. It might help clarify for you if you can describe what is going on for you that makes you feel like you don't identify with the regular cis male gender identity. It will be a lot easier to provide useful information with more detail about what you're experiencing.
That would make sense as to why I found rather little. And honestly it's at least part of the reason for my need to go out and question/ask about this, cause I don't want to simply throw around pointless terminology without much structure/ground to it. I don't plan to run around publicly shoving it in people's faces or anything. I'm really mainly asking cause: 1) It can act as a handy descriptive word in some online circumstances 2) Pure curiosity. It grabbed my interest, left me asking more so I took to asking said questions. Please note I might be poor at wording this (that and I'm typing this at 7 AM without going to bed yet, so I'm probably going to skip, forget or overlook something). Well to start with the most simple of it, all the "Tough men, Rough men, Strong men" expectations I don't seem to relate to, the only one I might semi-relate to is the "Not expressing one's emotions" part, but that's more to not wanting to weigh others down with my personal problems, not due to any need or desire to "Be a man". But at the same time I don't fall under the feminine expectations either, of being very soft, gentle, emotional. I have my hobbies, my interests and I mainly just focus on those, without really paying much or any mind to typical masculine expectations. Then there's the fact I tend to really like and be protective of children, like a lot. To pretty stereo-typically feminine levels. And then there's all the whole matter of relationship dynamics. Now it should be noted that it's been a few years since my last relationship. But it when it comes to what I want, what I'm looking for, am attracted to etc it's generally the more dominant and masculine women I like. Not too masculine that they would actually pass for a guy, but masculine traits like shorter hair, strong, take charge, dominant etc. Where I would rather be the submissive/passive one in a relationship (situations where I feel said partner is in danger being an exception to the rule), and would optimally prefer being a stay at home dad. In the end, basically stuff where I still feel like I am a male but fairly outside the typical boundaries and expectations. Where I am male but not masculine by most intentions. I'm hoping that makes sense, and like I said above I really hate grabbing a term without actually understanding it and just throwing it around, so if I'm completely off the mark here or anything I don't mean any offense by it, I just want to confirm my understanding of it is solid or not.
Gender identity has nothing to do with gender expectations or with being masculine or feminine. If you feel comfortable as a man and don't want to be perceived as anything else than a man, then you are cis. Men can also have feminine traits without being gay or trans*. Gender roles are a social construct and they don't define your identity. Demi-male would be someone who doesn't want to be seen as completely male and might feel agender or female at times. If there's nothing more to it than not being the stereotypical male, then you're just a feminine cis man.
To me you sound like you're just being you; a great guy who prefers to take the submissive role. The counterpart to a woman being slightly tomboyish, which doesn't really have a label, because men are given less leeway in gender expression and are supposed to either be super masculine or super sensitive (and then labeled gay). I'm pretty sure a lot of women love how genuine you are, and that you're not afraid to be yourself. Gender expression is not the same as gender, but not adhering to social standards of what being a man is supposed to be may make you feel less like one, even if that's not the case. I know a couple where the man is like you and the woman like the one you describe, but both consider themselves completely cisgender despite knowing about transgender people. They both also cross-dress. In the end, how well you fit the cookie-cutters society tries to mold you by doesn't dictate who you are, but if you feel a label other than just male would suit you better, then that label is probably right.
Alright, this seems to make it a lot more clear for me. To where I'm thinking you were guys are right about me just not being a stereotypical male. However, there is another question I have that could help clarify what confusion I still have, and this question might seem completely clueless so sorry about that in advance. But what would be the differences between tomboy and demi-girl (I'd ask the male equivalent, but as highlighted above men don't really have their version of tomboy). Also, thanks for all the kind words.
Don't worry about it, I'm sure plenty of people here are happy to answer your questions. :] Based off of what I know, I would imagine that the difference between a demigirl and a tomboy would be that someone who identifies as a tomboy is someone who identifies solely as female (cis or trans*, mind you), but has a slightly masculine (or non-conforming, etc.) gender expression, while a demigirl is the female counterpart to what a demi-male was indicated as in the above posts: someone who only partially identifies as a girl, as well as something else (most often non-binary, may I add, though as far as I know, there is no rules). The same goes for the other way around. I think from what I've seen lately, having read a lot of threads, there is a lot of confusion between being non-stereotypical to a gender (or gender non-conforming) and being demigendered, because they sound pretty similar and tend to blur the line between being trans* and cisgendered. I hope that helped and made sense, lol.
Alright, that difference makes sense. One just sharing some traits but no identity change, the other is an identity changer. Though I think you're right with the whole confusion between being non-stereotypical and being demigendered, this case included because I'm kind of scratching my head at the differences myself. So that's probably what I should be asking about next, what exactly is the difference between the two?
Glad that makes sense for you, and that is more or less correct (Expression vs. Identity in short). That is something I have been wondering myself. Although I am a demi-male myself, since I was assigned female at birth and am more-so agender(~65%) than male(~35%), it isn't so confusing as one who is male-assigned and the inverse (35% agender/ 65% male, respectively) of me? Even though I obviously can't tell people how identify their genders, I think it is also very debatable that most of the people who are similar to what I described above can very possibly be just non-stereotypical cisgendered individuals, since in actuality, most cisgendered folk do not generally feel strong connection with their gender (Because usually there is not much thought of their own gender, and therefore less emotionally invested in it and less likely to be able to "pick out" various "gendered feelings") which in turn can also be further mistaken as being a little bit of "agender" feelings. To tell you the truth, I have personal opinions of what can and maybe shouldn't be considered "demigender", but I do not think it would be overly helpful here, and could possibly bring up disagreements (Which I do not want to do). Like, I think it would have potential to clear things up, but I don't want to "police" anyone's gender identities because that would be rude and I already feel like I'm stepping on some toes here. But this is all just speculation from observations that I have made. I am not saying that it is true, it's just some food for thought.
I go by "demigirl" on EC because while I prefer to be perceived by other people as a girl rather than a boy, I don't feel any dysphoria in regards to my genitals ... from what I've gathered, that sort of dysphoria is quite common among trans women. So I use the title demigirl as a technicality more than anything else. To everyone I'm out to IRL, I'm transgender female.
It looks like the Demi-Gender is a topic of debate/confusion even in the LGBT+ community. If so, it does also help to highlight why my original attempt at looking it up bore little fruit.
