Sex with the wrong junk, and how good are constructed willies?

I know how you feel. While having a great partner helps a lot, I find that imagining that I'm cis is the only way I can completely go over the edge and get even a slight orgasm. It doesn't make things easier for my dysphoria because it ranges from being background noise to painful when I'm too out of tune and realize that I can't actually feel anything because nothing is really there. If anyone has advice on coping, I'd love to hear it.

Regarding bottom surgery, I recommend reading the book Hung Jury, which has the testimonies from guys who got bottom surgery. There are people on tumblr and youtube who document their recoveries and reports that surgeons have gotten from their patients. From what I've gathered from the sex talk blogs I follow, sex is enjoyable and the ability to have sensations is almost always 100%. I recommend looking up those kinds of tags on a site like tumblr and you'll find more details.

With the last thing you mentioned, I suggest looking into metiodioplasty; which focuses on a clitoral release. Length will depend on what kind of growth you have though. Phalloplasty uses a donor site (ex: the forearm, thigh, and so on) to build on top of what you have. Length options will vary as well, and I think you get more of an option as to what you'd like to get out of it.

If bottom surgery interests you, I recommend seeing the videos by the youtuber uppecaseCHASE1. He's made videos debunking all of the myths about both procedures, and sites like Hudsons Guide have up-to-date information and transbucket has surgery results.