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Going through a very confusing time

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by PizzaPizza, May 20, 2015.

  1. PizzaPizza

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Va
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Ahhhhhhhhh, just what the heck am I? If you asked my parents they would say I'm a straight, 16 year old male, since I haven't come out at all to them, but I really don't know if that's the case. When I was really young, I did girly things all the time like playing with barbies and even trying on dresses like I was in a fashion show, and tended to shun(and still do) stereotypical "male" things like football or the art of making everything a massive competition to see who's the most awesomest or whatever. This was until I was eventually told by my peers that a boy acting like a girl was not an okay thing to do, and that I was some kind of sissy xD. Its not just the things I did at a younger age, though. For some reason I'm also always a girl in my dreams(not in like a sexual way, me being a girl usually doesn't even have to do with the dream. Its just a thing.). For a while I thought I was bisexual(which I also didn't come out as), but it just doesn't add up for me. I don't want to ask anyone super close to me about this, even though I'm sure they would understand. I just don't wanna take them on this emotional rollercoster ride I'm on where I don't know the destination and end up feeling like I simply manipulated them because I wanted attention or something. Thus, I'm here. Looking for answers from people who've gone through this kind of thing and are willing to lend a helping hand. Any ideas? o.o
     
  2. Eveline

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    home
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Time will help you figure this out. Here's some guiding questions:

    What do you like about your body?

    Do you feel comfortable with it?

    Imagine yourself lying naked beside a partner as male and female, what do you feel?

    Do you feel more comfortable when interacting with men or women?

    Do you find it easier to understand men or women?

    Here's a scenerio: a man comes into a shop and asks to buy something, the female shopkeeper asks for money and the guy says he doesn't have any. How does this scenerio play out?

    Who did you identify with?

    If you had the choice of losing a hand but becoming female instantly and perfectly would you take it? What would you be willing to sacrifice?

    Lets say all men played with dolls and wore women's clothes at a young age while women from a young age were taught to be violent would you be happy to be male.

    These questions are just meant to make you think. They also test for certain manifestations of dysphoria. I hope they help you in some way.

    No matter what, you are not alone in your fears, doubts and struggles,

    (*hug*)

    Yael
     
  3. Jellal

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Here's a start: what are you happiest/most comfortable seeing yourself as? Boy? Girl? Both? Neither? Then consider what that identity means to you/how much it means to you.

    You can hold off thinking about any drastic steps/changes you may or may not make for now. Just consider where you currently stand.

    I highly recommend doing some analytical writing on your thoughts, keep it in a document you can go back to again and again. It can be a little unnerving if you haven't thought too hard in this department before, but you might find your mind a lot more at ease once you start unpacking your mental material in words you can read.
     
  4. PizzaPizza

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Thanks a million for the replies. I think you're right that this is something that'll probably clear itself up with time, so I won't worry too much about it xP. Experimenting via lucid dreaming might also be a fun way to work this out in the meantime.