How do you know what gender you are? Im not expecting to just wake up on day and have everything figured out but how do I even begin to figure it out? Does anyone have any idea or are we all just figuring it out a we go? I could really use some help Sincerely, Joelle
Some days I would want to be a guy. I would want to wear guys clothes, be in a guys body, etc. Other days I'd want to be a girl. Other days I would want to be neither. Or Both. Etc. I just thought everyone went through these "phases". Until somewhere across the internet I saw these terms such as "genderfluid" "genderqueer" "bigender" etc. I looked them up, researched stuff. I realized this wasn't a phase, and that Genderfluid sounded very similar to how I was feeling. I am not 100% sure with everything, nor do I know every term. There might be something out there more similar, but for right now I feel comfortable with going by Genderfluid. Figuring out your gender will probably be different. Pay attention deeply to how you are feeling. Take your time, as well. Research all gender terms you can, and see what is closest to how you are feeling. If you want someone to talk to, you can talk to me. I might not be a whole lot of help, but I like trying.
It took a while and I'm not 100% sure still, but for me I never felt very girl, though I have felt feminine. I always felt very boyish, and I hated it because I was born female so I should act and feel female. I had to make an effort to be female and surpress myself a lot. Currently I feel neither male nor female, so I say I am a masculine agender.
For me, knowing what I am is dependent upon how I want others to perceive me, and it's dependent upon the ways in which I'm perceived by others are discomforting to me.
"How do you know?" You wake up one day, or it dawns on you "I don't feel like a boy/girl". You feel off, or incomplete, you have a strong urge that something needs to change. You can figure out your internal feelings, but then it boils down to how much one might need to change physically. Simple questions like "Do I like having a penis?" "Why do my boobs bother me?" "I wish I had *something physical of the other gender* instead". One thing I enjoyed and it helped was looking through what female hormones do. I'm going through the list and I'm like "Wow I want all of these". I went through the male hormonal effects and was like "Wow I want none of these". Boom, I knew what to do. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hormone_replacement_therapy_(male-to-female) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hormone_replacement_therapy_(female-to-male) I just read the Effects Of section and I was sold.
I've always felt uncomfortable with my body, and wished I had a male body instead. And I feel like I should've been born male, it feels more natural to me. I want to live as male in society too.
It's sort of like there's this underlying discomfort with who you are. But it doesn't always dawn on you that you're trans* until you start figuring out terms. Even if you do start learning, you might be reluctant to accept the fact. Figure out what you are uncomfortable with in regards to your own body. That's the first and one of the most important steps to take.
I always felt out of place in my body. It's hard to describe, but I knew I was supposed to be born male and that I was a boy. Like Max, I'd wish that I would just wake up one day having the right body--and I still do that sometimes. Everyone is different though, not realizing until they're older or farther along in life.
^ This. As I grew up I would have feelings of jealousy or envy, but I wasn't sure why and it was not malicious. I would look at a girl's blouse, it could be the girliest thing ever and in my mind I thought "Wow that's cool!". Had to wonder how many 'boy's thought feminine stuff was cool. That and anytime gender segregation came into play I felt incredibly sad. I didn't want to be on a boy's team, they're all mean and rude and brash and smelly and macho. The girl's side seemed greener always; I could relate.
In hindsight, my issues with gender began when I was 8 or 9. I just wanted days where I could be one of the girls. I was jealous of all of the pretty, colorful things that they got to wear. I also had pretty much no friends at the time so there was that. I never wanted to be a girl permanently, just wanted to move between both groups freely. I never noticed or really thought that there was anything more. The first true signal was how I started masturbating to crossdressing and feminization fantasies, again being "one of the girls". That was clue number one, but I had at the time thought it would just be an in bed kind of thing. Just a kink. I finally caved and bought these really cute hipsters last October and it kinda took off from there. Back in March, I started to realize that the crossdressing was more than rebellion or a kink. That is when I started searching. When I found Bigender, it just sort of clicked. There was this real sense of calm. I had found out something about myself that I never knew before. Now I just need to figure out how to express myself as a woman... :dry:
I don't really 'know' what gender I am. But I tend to say I'm female. It's just a feeling that it fits, is right.