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Questionnaire: How did you know you were genderfluid?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Thingymajing, May 22, 2015.

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Why did you visit this thread?

  1. I'm genderfluid and wanted to see if I could help

    14 vote(s)
    15.7%
  2. I'm questioning my gender and though I might find some useful information here

    40 vote(s)
    44.9%
  3. I saw the title and was just curious

    35 vote(s)
    39.3%
  1. Thingymajing

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    I'm questioning my gender, and would like to know more about genderfluid experiences as a point of reference. It'll be an interesting discussion, too, and maybe it will help others.
    I hope I use all terminology correctly - I wouldn't want to accidentally invalidate anybody's personal experiences! (&&&)


    Maybe one day you just realized you weren't cis? Or maybe you always had a fluid presentation and one day connected the dots? Maybe you never felt right, until you discovered the concept of genderfluidity, then you knew right away? Or perhaps you knew about genderfluid people but didn't start questioning your gender until a certain event in your life?

    You don't have to answer all of these questions, but the more you do answer, the more it will help me, even if you only leave short answers. So take your pick! :slight_smile:

    Optional: what is your birth-assigned gender, approximate age, and sexuality?

    1. Tell me about your own behaviour/presentation/thoughts before you realized you were genderfluid. What was your relationship with the gender you were living as, or the one you were assigned at birth? How did you present, think, and act? For example, maybe you never presented fluidly until you realized you were genderfluid? Or maybe you identified with your birth-assigned gender for most of your life?

    2. Was there an event in your life that triggered your gender questioning, or was it a gradual thing?

    3. Was questioning your birth-assigned gender the beginning of your path to discovering you were genderfluid? Or perhaps you tried living as another gender in between the two?

    4. What was the experience of questioning your gender like for you? How did you make sense of the confusion?

    5. What was the moment were you realized you weren't just one gender? Was there an epiphany, or was it a period of exploration over several weeks, months, even years?

    6. Were you familiar with the genderfluid identity before or after you discovered that it described you? How did you know it described you? Maybe you tripped over an article online that struck a chord, or maybe there was an event in your life that made you dysphoric enough to "just know"?

    7. a) When in a "mode" contrary to your birth gender, do you feel any dysphoria, and if so, what kind? For example: social, sexual/genital, presentation-wise, etc.

    7. b) And does it ever make you think, "Maybe I'm just trans*"?

    8. a) What are the genders that you identify with as a part of your genderfluid identity?

    8. b) And what pronouns do you prefer?

    9. How frequently do you switch between your genders, are there any triggers/situations that influence it, and how long do you typically stay in each gender for? Is there even a pattern?

    10. Are you out? If not, what has kept you back, and if you are out, what resistance did you experience from those around you?

    Is there anything else you want to add?
     
  2. star trek

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    I was born a female, I am 14 years old, and I am demisexual.
    1. My thoughts when I found the term for what I was feeling was something a long the lines of "So I'm not the only one feeling this way?" "There's a term for this?" and "Ohhh, that's what it's called." I have identified as female my whole life. I still fluctuated between genders, but I just went with female, until I found out the term. I have only come out to 2 friends, so far.
    2. Some days I felt like I wanted to be a man. Like really badly. I would just sit and wish to become a boy. To be in a boys body and everything. The next day I might have been happy I was a girl, and such. Then I would feel like both. I didn't want to be just a female or male. I wanted to be both. Other times I wouldn't want to go by anything. I actually asked a question on Yahoo! Answers about how I was feeling, and then I found out about the terms "Genderqueer" "Genderfluid" and "Bigender" I researched them, and many more, and found that Genderfluid was just about how I was feeling. It was the most similar.
    3. As I said, I would just really badly want to be a man one day. I would want to just be born one, I had never considered doing surgery to become one. I was super confused.
    4.I would just think that everyone felt with way at some point, and it would go away. So I didn't pay much attention to it, at first.
    5.Over a period of a few days, I felt so strongly to be a man. It just happened, maybe it was triggered, not sure. Then I wanted to be a female. Then other days I wanted to be neither or both, and it confused the hell out of me. I realized it wasn't a phase or something.
    6.I did not know before. I was feeling this way, and just decided to ask online about it, and someone told me the terms and such, so I researched them, and realized I was genderfuid.
    7. a Sometimes I would feel so strongly to be a guy that I would just sit and wish to be born one. I would begin to be sad. And if someone used my given name or "she/her" I would feel even more down.
    7. b"Maybe I'm just trans*" never crossed my mind, actually.
    8. aI identify as female, male, both female and male, agender,
    8. bI prefer he/him, she/her, they/them, ("It" makes me uncomfortable) I might come up with my own pronouns, but that seems hard to explain to ask to be called.
    9.I mainly stay in male, or both female and male. I have been male for a while, a few weeks. There really isn't any sort of pattern. I don't think much influences my fluctuations.
    10.I am currently only out to 2 friends online. I am still quite young and naive to all these terms, so I want to learn more and be nearly 100% that I am genderfluid before I come out. I know everyone will accept me. My family is very lgbt supportive, and everything. My older brother came out as bisexual, and they were totally fine with it. My mom would ask if I was lesbian or something before and say "It's fine if you are." And such. I just am still so young, I need to be super sure, because I change my mind a lot. I don't want to keep finding new terms that are even closer to me, and keep telling them different things. I am NOT 100% I am genderfluid. I need to learn more. I am about 80-90% sure I am.
     
  3. CCcharges

    Regular Member

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    I'm assigned female at birth, 20 years old, and am bisexual. :3

    1. I really started to look at my gender more closely when I was about 16. Before then, I just thought I had a very wide preference in style and clothing choices. One day I could wear a flower crown, full face makeup, and a dress, and the next day I could dress very boyish. Sometimes I would get told by family or friends that I looked like a little boy, and even though it made me look younger, I would still get a bit of satisfaction from it. I've always had a very soft spot for men's fashion. When I was around 15 or so, I got into a huge fight with my mom over me wanting to shop in the men's department to find a button up shirt, because I hated the cut of the girl's ones. And then I stopped and thought about why I hated the cut so much, and realized it was because it made me look feminine, and that wasn't what I wanted. I presented myself as female, but dressed otherwise, before I really came to understand my gender. Now that I understand my gender, I do go to greater lengths to understand my feelings about my gender and present myself accordingly. I still haven't gotten up the courage to tell everyone, but my family and close friends know when it's a "boy day" or a "neither day", now.

    2. It was both gradual and sudden, for me. I had been feeling more split lately, and was doing more research on gender identity and such when my "defining moment" happened. I was out with a friend and his dad to go rock climbing, and the woman at the desk said to the dad "you can sign the waivers for the two boys, now." and it made me unbelievably happy. And then I realized, I was like oh my god, that's what I am. Sometimes I'm a boy, sometimes I'm a girl, and sometimes I'm somewhere in-between.

    3. For me it was less about questioning my gender at first and more about questioning how I wanted to express myself. My self expression is a large part of who I am, so that was what I naturally looked to first.

    4. When I started to question my gender, it was really quite upsetting. I would spend a lot of time thinking, and coming to identify my feelings. I really started to feel my true feelings about my gender, and came to understand what it felt like when someone would misgender me. But after coming to understand it, I felt much better.

    5. It was during my gender questioning period. Before I had heard of genderfluid, I heard of bigender. I thought that was as close to me as I was going to get, because it covered most of the bases, so to speak. But then I found out about genderfluid, and it was like those "they" days were filled in and I felt like I finally had a name for EVERYTHING I was feeling. And that's a really empowering feeling, to know you're not alone.

    6. I found out about genderfluid while doing research both about my gender and to better understand the LGBT community, since I was voted president of my school's GSA that year.

    7. a) I do feel dysphoria, and it can vary. Sometimes on my boy days, it gets really bad because while my vagina doesn't bother me much, my breasts really do cause a great amount of dysphoria. If I'm having trouble getting my binder on or my chest doesn't feel flat enough, I get really upset. Presentation-wise, sometimes I'll be getting ready for the day (also usually on boy days, since it is the polar opposite of my birth gender) and realize there is absolutely nothing in my closet that will make me feel confident or good about my appearance. When in social situations I am generally alright if I am misgendered, but some days it just strikes a chord and I can get pretty upset.

    7. b) I thought about transitioning for a while, but to be honest, I really enjoy sex with a vagina. I don't think I could give that up.

    8. a) Female, male, and the last one I call my in-between gender. On those days I don't ask anyone to change my pronouns, but if I did, I would probably go with they.

    8. b) Whoops, sorry. Kind of answered that one above. she/he/they.

    9. I would say I'm predominantly female, then male, and then in-between. Female is my default. Usually I will notice I am a different gender when I wake up in the morning, but sometimes I will be out and about and I can feel like my mood change, and I want to change my clothes to reflect that. If I'm at home, I will change in order to make myself more comfortable. :slight_smile: I have never really noticed a pattern.

    10. I'm out to close friends and my immediate family. I'm not out all the way because I get nervous, and feel like it would cause friction between those who I am close with that are more conservative. One time I tried to explain my gender to my roommates in college, and they were pretty insensitive, and wouldn't call me by my preferred pronouns, so now I am a little hesitant to tell others.

    Being genderfluid can be tough! When I came out to my mom, I actually ended up having to do it earlier than I intended because the binder I had ordered in the mail came early. Imagine trying to explain to your mom that "only some days, I want to be a boy" "But the rest of the time you're a girl?" "Or something, yeah."(!)
     
  4. Thingymajing

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    Thanks you guys, these are really helpful so far! Anybody else with experiences they'd like to share? :slight_smile: The more, the merrier!
     
  5. Ninnie

    Regular Member

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    All but family
    DFAB, 18 years old and bisexual

    1. I have identified with my birth-assigned gender for most of your life, to an extent. I was never a girly-girl like my mother wanted/wants me to be. I have always felt odd when hanging out with my group of girlfriends even though they weren’t girly-girls either. I was one of the guys, a tom-boy.

    2. I honestly don’t know. I think it was a gradual thing but one day it just clicked. I had already questioned my sexuality by age 15 so starting to question my gender made me rethink everything.

    3. At first I tried being comfortable about my birth-assigned gender. I was very into researching the LGBQT community so I thought my questioning was just part of that. Then I realized I wanted to be seen as one of the guys truly and not as a tom-boy. I switched to male pronouns in my head but it wasn’t right still. After looking online I found gender-fluid and it clicked.

    4. It was really confusing because I wasn’t sure if it was just the idea I was attracted to or if I really was another gender. I did a lot of research, watching gender-fluid people’s videos on youtube, reading online; and I did a LOT of soul searching.

    5. It was when I actually learned what gender-fluid was. That it wasn’t confusion between two genders but flowing between the two or three or more genders on the spectrum. I just felt like that was me. I was never just “female” or just “male”. I was both, neither and more one then the other at times.

    6. I found the definition of gender-fluid online and it just clicked after seeing a few people talk about being gender-fluid on youtube.

    7. a) I get social dysphoria when more masculine. I hate not being presented as male when I feel I am male. Sometimes I even get dysphoric about my genitals.

    7. b) At first it did but now I realize it just how my gender is.

    8. a) Female, male, mixed and sometimes neither.

    8. b) He/him/his or singular They/them/theirs but She/her/hers don’t bug me usually.

    9. No pattern that I recognize but I have noticed that when big events in my life (example: prom, graduation, job interviews) I tend to feel more feminine. I think that might be because I am used to having to present female to the public.

    10. I am out to my friends at school, which isn’t a lot of people. I have not gotten the courage to tell my mother and father yet. I only had one person put up some resistance to my coming out. My best friend asked me, “Are you sure this isn’t you just being you?” The thing holding me back from telling my family is that my dad can be very homophobic because that is how his generation was raised.
     
  6. randomconnorcon

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    First of all, hello. Brand new here.

    Optional: I am assigned female at birth, I am 21 and I am asexual.

    1. I was indifferent, I guess you could say, for a lot of my early life. My family once said I used to be okay with typically 'girly' things and then one day I changed and stopped wanting to associate with them. One of my earliest memories is of me hating my birth name (I still do) and 'packing' (I use quotation marks because I was so young and it wasn't a proper packer) and making sure no one knew. But being male is something I've always wanted, always felt, and though there are times when being more 'feminine' (clothes wise) is good, so I don't feel like I'm FtM, it never lasts as long as feeling male or agender does. But I didn't question this until a couple of years ago, I said I was just being me, and then a couple of months ago I found the term genderfluid, so only a few friends know that I now identify as genderfluid.

    2. I guess if I think about everything I've done my whole life, it was a gradual thing, but what actually lead me to question things was having more younger siblings and being able to watch them grow up in a way that I couldn't remember with my other two (I'm the oldest of six). Particularly my sister, she got called Princess and my dad would ask her if I was and she'd say yes and I'd wanna throw something or curl up into a ball and hide or both because it made me feel so weird. It confuses my brother, too; he gets so confused sometimes when people say I'm 'just a girl'. Then tumblr came along and I found the term genderfluid and it hit me that I could make sense of this.

    3. Questioning why I hated my name so much and why I was so focused on a male identity was perhaps the beginning. Then I just kind of went with it. I found different names that I feel fit me (one gender neutral, the rest are seen as masculine - one of these names is Nathan), I've shopped in the men's section for so long that most of my family no longer question it. To them, I'm 'just a girl', but to me I've been living as more male/androgynous for years now.

    4. I don't think I really have yet. Like, I'm a little more sure of how I feel and what I identify as, but I'm still always confused which makes things harder to talk about because I can't put things into words for people who don't know to understand. I guess that's why I'm just going one step at a time, keeping with what I like.

    5. That moment I realized was while researching for a transgender character I was writing. I came across the term genderfluid during this and sort of became obsessed with the word because my character had some issues that I felt and some I didn't, so FtM wasn't right for me. I found these videos on YouTube and blogs on Tumblr and everything just started to make so much sense. I was going through them for weeks.

    6. I did not know the term until after I found it online. Things just started to click when I read about it.

    7. a) Social dysphoria comes along when my gender feels more masculine or agender and then people say I'm a girl or call me by my birth name, even though they know how much I hate the name. I haven't 'come out' to them, but I have never hidden how much I hate the name. Body dysphoria is up top, sometimes everything's okay, sometimes I just feel mild discomfort at the thought of having them (see, I can't even say it) and then there are times when they just need to go. I imagine having a flat chest a lot. Presentation not so much, I could probably pass as male if it wasn't for them things that I have, so I don't think it's because of how I present myself I think "them, always in the way." The only times presentation is an issue is when it's a special occasion and they make me wear a dress when I want a suit like my brother.

    7. b) Quite a bit, especially with body dysphoria. Because I spend a lot of time with friends who know about me, I feel body dysphoria a lot more and I hate it so much that sometimes I wonder, like, if I want them gone so badly am I sure I'm not just male? It can make things very confusing.

    8. a) Male/demiboy, agender, occasionally female, a mix of two (which is when I don't despise tomboy).

    8. b) He mostly, though I'm okay with they especially if you're unsure in the beginning.

    9. Frequently? The shortest time my gender has switched is around a couple of hours, I think. I was perfectly okay with my female identity for once, and then I saw this t-shirt in the men's section and everything changed in my head. That can happen sometimes, as can situations like prom. I never went to mine because I wasn't 'out' and couldn't go in a tux, that was horrible. I can switch between male and demiboy and agender quite frequently, I guess, but how I present myself during those times rarely changes so it's hard to tell straight away if that makes sense. There's no pattern.

    10. I am out about everything to a few of my friends, some I know in real life and some I know online. There was no resistance, partly because all but two of them are part of the LGBT+ community themselves, two being asexual too and one of those two questioning their gender. The first things they asked me was my name and pronouns. My family are supportive of the LGBT+ community for the most part, I have family who are gay and I was supposed to be the family's lesbian before I came out as panromantic asexual. They're confused by what they don't understand and I have a pretty severe anxiety disorder, so explaining it all scares the crap out of me considering I don't even know how to explain it to myself half the time. But I've been building up to it in a way with the way I present myself, so I'm thinking when I finally do tell my family about my being genderfluid it won't be a huge shock or anything. My dad has already confirmed I'll be getting married in a tux.

    Nathan.
     
    #6 randomconnorcon, May 27, 2015
    Last edited: May 27, 2015
  7. crystalgem

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    1. Assigned female at birth, 16, biromantic lesbian
    2. I've always presented kinda fluidly, it was really confusing until I figured out that I was nonbinary
    8a. I'm a demigirl so female/agender
    8b. She/them
     
  8. Par

    Par
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    DMAB, 15, Attracted to females

    1. Before I realised I was genderfluid (specifically bi-gender, I figured it's close enough) I tried to behave "male" the whole time but often felt not quite right - I felt comfortable sometimes but other times not. I'd often been told that I was too feminine before, which sometimes made me upset but other times I was somehow happy about it even though it was meant as an insult.
    2. My realisation was quite gradual, but there was about a week in which I seriously considered it and other options as possible and did some research - finding the term bigender which fits me perfectly.

    4. The questioning and confusion was quite difficult until I actually worked myself out. It was suggested to me that I had Dissociative Identity Disorder - which I went along with for a time but after further research realised I didn't actually have any symptoms of that. Which, of course, meant I went back into confusion for a bit.

    5. It was the moment I clicked on a website explaining what the name meant.



    7. a) I feel some dysphoria when I'm in my "girl mode" mainly relating to my lack of breasts.

    7. b) When I'm in "girl mode" I feel like I could go through with a transition, but I know that doing that would just make me uncomfortable when I'm not in "girl mode".

    8. a) I identify as a boy and a girl

    8. b) I ask people to use he/his pronouns when I'm a guy and she/hers pronouns when I'm a girl - this is easier online where I can have multiple accounts and switch between them.

    9. It seems to be quite random, though in tough emotional situations I find I tend to switch to "girl mode" because it appears I can deal with it better with a female perspective. It's usually around 2 or 3 days. Though at school I try to stay in "boy mode" as much as I can.

    10. I am out to my family, online friends and a few friends at school. My online friends were amazingly supportive - and of the 10 or so friends I've told only 2 of them were rude about it. I'm trying to come out to more people as quickly as I can so I can be more comfortable with being myself. My parents seem to resist it the most - we are a religious family so the whole "God's design" argument comes into play. Also I (without prior knowledge) selected as my girl name the name that I would have been called if I was born a girl - which kind of freaked them out. My dad has never used my girl name and my mum has only used it once. My sister hasn't either but she doesn't talk to me much.
     
  9. Entrian

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    Out to everyone
    I'm DFAB, 19 years old and Ace/Aro

    1. I knew for a long time before identifying as genderfluid that I was trans. I had been identifing as male for several years, although I was closeted, and presented fairly androgynously.

    2. My gender is fluid over large periods of time (months or years) so I first figured out my gender was fluid once I experienced a shift. In my personal case, this was caused by abuse but ofc that's just my experience.

    3. I started identifying as male when I was very young, although I continued to be assigned female. After about 5 years my gender shifted to a more nonbinary state, which made me start identifying with having a fluid gender.

    4. I don't exactly remember how I made sense of it when I was very young, but when I started IDing as fluid I made sense of it using information I got off the internet. Granted this was 6 years ago, so a lot of the info I got back then was very out of date. Mostly I just decided to play around with it. Bought a binder and used some wigs to try and play with swtiching between masc. and femme.

    5. It was sort of just a moment of "Well, I don't think I'm 100% male, but also not female, and I feel different than I used to. So, genderfluid?"

    6. I discovered the term genderfluid a couple of months before I started really thinking about it and using it to define myself.

    7. a) I'm assuming this means trying to act "male" even though I'm DFAB? It causes a lot of dysphoria for me, socially more than anything else. Acting female doesn't as much, because that's just the role I've been shoved into my whole life. But having people try to fit me into "male" roles is weird because my transness is being acknowledged but my identity is being ignored.

    7. b) If anything it makes me question whether or not I'm trans at all! Sometimes I just feel so far off the gender binary that it makes me feel like maybe I'm just faking it all? Like, "Maybe my gender is so wobbly because I'm not actually trans and just imagining being different genders". Essentially I've just learned to ignore that and continue trying to be as true to myself as possible.

    8. a) I tend to bounce between demiboy and agender

    8. b) They/Them or He/Him, though masculine pronouns make me feel a little uncomfortable still because I present femininely and it draws more attention than I like.

    9. I spend most of my time being genderless, but during certain seasons I feel more male than other times. Around spring and the end of summer hit me the hardest.

    10. I am 100% out. My girlfriend and friends are supportive for the most part. But my family 100% ignores it as much as possible, even though I'm medically transitioning and not attempting to hide anymore. Moving away from my hometown really helped out. A lot of people hate using They/Them pronouns, so that's usually what problem I tend to run into. Plus I'm really shy and don't always like having to explain my gender to people.
     
  10. darkcomesoon

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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Out to everyone
    I'm dfab, 19, and bi. I ID as genderfluid but primarily use the label transmasculine to reflect the fact that my gender is more male than anything else.

    1. Tell me about your own behaviour/presentation/thoughts before you realized you were genderfluid. What was your relationship with the gender you were living as, or the one you were assigned at birth? How did you present, think, and act? I didn't think much about gender until I was about 16. Up until then, I presented female (pretty girly for a while). In middle school, everything about my presentation was done in an attempt to fit in. I started feeling a bit more comfortable wearing what I wanted in high school and moved towards a more tomboy-ish look, but much of how I presented was still based on making sure I didn't stand out. I looked like a girl, I acted like a girl, because that's what people expected. I didn't think about the possibility that I wasn't a girl.

    2. Was there an event in your life that triggered your gender questioning, or was it a gradual thing? I honestly don't know what started it. I imagine it started gradually (there certainly wasn't any particular event that I remember). The questioning began as I got more involved in the lgbtq community (both online and in real life). I think as I was exposed to the experiences of actual trans people, I began to think more about trans-ness in relation to how I felt.

    3. Was questioning your birth-assigned gender the beginning of your path to discovering you were genderfluid? Or perhaps you tried living as another gender in between the two? I didn't have a long period of questioning before I chose the label genderfluid. My first goal was to choose a label, and this was the one that seemed to fit. I figured I could try it out and change my mind if it didn't fit. It fit then and still does now. I got lucky, I suppose.

    4. What was the experience of questioning your gender like for you? How did you make sense of the confusion? I didn't spend much time being confused. I had been so involved in the lgbtq community that none of this felt that foreign to me, and my first response was to research it further. I made sense of the dysphoria pretty quickly. It was a bit of a struggle to figure out exactly what it felt like to identify as a gender, but a lot of it clicked surprisingly quickly for me.

    5. What was the moment were you realized you weren't just one gender? Was there an epiphany, or was it a period of exploration over several weeks, months, even years? I honestly don't remember. I think it was pretty fast though. I don't know what triggered it, but I remember not spending much time questioning before I chose a label. Being 100% sure of that label has been a long drawn out process that I'm still working on, but choosing it happened pretty quickly.

    6. Were you familiar with the genderfluid identity before or after you discovered that it described you? How did you know it described you? Maybe you tripped over an article online that struck a chord, or maybe there was an event in your life that made you dysphoric enough to "just know"? I was familiar with some trans identities before I realized it described me, but I'm not sure if I specifically knew what it meant to be genderfluid. I remember feeling dysphoria (physical and social) but recognizing that I didn't feel it all the time. I remember doing silly exercises to figure out what label felt right, like looking at my hand and asking myself "is this a boy's hand or a girl's hand?" and realizing that some days I answered that it was a boy's (and thus that I was a boy) and some days I answered that it was a girl's (and thus that I was a girl). (It was a silly exercise but somehow it helped me to remove my biases and expectations for what I should answer and let me answer honestly with what felt right.)

    7. a) When in a "mode" contrary to your birth gender, do you feel any dysphoria, and if so, what kind? For example: social, sexual/genital, presentation-wise, etc. Definitely. There are days when I don't (even if I'm feeling male/androgyne/whatever), but I feel social and physical (mostly top, sometimes bottom) dysphoria on most days when I ID as male. I present in a masculine way, and I bind to make myself comfortable.

    7. b) And does it ever make you think, "Maybe I'm just trans*"? I am trans, but assuming you mean binary: yes. I often wonder if I'm going to end up just IDing as ftm. But on days when I don't feel dysphoria, I often wonder if I'm not actually trans. I doubt myself frequently, but this label has fit for about two years now, so I think I'm probably right.

    8. a) What are the genders that you identify with as a part of your genderfluid identity? Primarily male, androgyne, and demimale (though I don't like to use that term, so I generally say transmasculine). Sometimes agender. Rarely female.

    8. b) And what pronouns do you prefer? He/him or they/them. Lately I've preferred they/them or she/her, but that is not normal for me and the reason I'm feeling this way is a long story :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    9. How frequently do you switch between your genders, are there any triggers/situations that influence it, and how long do you typically stay in each gender for? Is there even a pattern? I tend to switch about once a week. Usually just switching between male/transmasculine and androgyne. Agender pops in randomly. Female is sometimes spontaneous (usually after a gradual transition from male to androgyne and then to female) but often triggered by certain settings (some places/people from my childhood cause me to feel female because it's always been a comfortable default in those places).

    10. Are you out? If not, what has kept you back, and if you are out, what resistance did you experience from those around you? I'm out as nonbinary at college and people use they/them pronouns and a neutral nickname for me. I'm completely out to my parents and brother. They have a lot of trouble with name and pronouns since this is pretty recent, but they don't refuse. They're just bad at it. I am out to a number of my friends from high school as nonbinary. One reason I'm not completely out is because one of my best friends is fairly conservative, and I'm scared of how she will react. The other reason is that I find coming out to be terrifying. I came out to my parents, found it incredibly stressful and scary, and the fear has driven me to feel more female than I have in a quite a while for almost a week now. I find this entire process and situation to be uncomfortable and unpleasant, and that is why I am currently avoiding coming out to other people. That's not to say coming out isn't an excellent idea and totally worthwhile. It's just that with my specific anxieties about this, it's not worth it for me.

    Is there anything else you want to add? I don't think I have any more info to give right now, but if you have more questions you can totally come talk to me :slight_smile:
     
  11. Addison Atkins

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Toronto
    Assigned male at birth, 19 and unsure

    1. Tell me about your own behaviour/presentation/thoughts before you realized you were genderfluid. What was your relationship with the gender you were living as, or the one you were assigned at birth? How did you present, think, and act?

    I have always struggled with self esteem and being "weird" didn't help that, ever since puberty i have always felt like i don't quite belong. I would have days where i felt more feminine then the next day i would feel masculine and that confused me for a long time. I felt like a freak then I found out I'm not the only one, and that made me feel closer to normal. Looking back there are things that i did that now make sense to me for example, in grade 4 or 5 i decided to grow out my hair and it has been long ever since but i never really knew why until i realized that maybe i thought if i grew my hair i could be more like a girl.

    2. Was there an event in your life that triggered your gender questioning, or was it a gradual thing?

    Not really, it was mostly gradual to be honest.

    3. Was questioning your birth-assigned gender the beginning of your path to discovering you were genderfluid?

    I really don't know because I can't trace it back.

    4. What was the experience of questioning your gender like for you? How did you make sense of the confusion?

    It was rough i thought it was just a phase or just a way to cope with stress but I now know it wasn't just a phase. I also felt guilty a lot, like it was my fault. I really didn't make sense of it until recently.

    5. What was the moment were you realized you weren't just one gender? Was there an epiphany, or was it a period of exploration over several weeks, months, even years?

    Years of exploration and finding the term Gender-Fluid.

    6. Were you familiar with the genderfluid identity before or after you discovered that it described you? How did you know it described you?

    I was only aware of it afterwards and i knew it described me because it's the best term i have found so far.

    7. a) When in a "mode" contrary to your birth gender, do you feel any dysphoria, and if so, what kind?

    I feel super self conscious because i feel like a girl on the inside but i look like a guy on the outside.

    7. b) And does it ever make you think, "Maybe I'm just trans*"?

    It crossed my mind once but i have never wanted to fully transition so i was sure i was not trans.

    8. a) What are the genders that you identify with as a part of your genderfluid identity?

    I identify as male and as female.

    8. b) And what pronouns do you prefer?

    To be completely honest i am okay with Him/he because that is how i appear and i don't want to confuse people.

    9. How frequently do you switch between your genders, are there any triggers/situations that influence it, and how long do you typically stay in each gender for? Is there even a pattern?

    Really it can be anything from a week to a couple hours. There is no real pattern to it. Some triggers are anything that reminds me of my personal femininity.

    10. Are you out? If not, what has kept you back, and if you are out, what resistance did you experience from those around you?

    I am only out to my girlfriend but I want to come out to my parents i know they would be accepting but i don't know if they would understand. As far as resistance goes, my girlfriend was completely fine with it.
     
    #11 Addison Atkins, Mar 9, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2016
  12. Funkitty

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Out Status:
    Family only
    Optional: AFAB, 20, pansexual

    1. my behavior was tomboyish and my presentation was all over the place. I have had points in my life where i questioned for a brief moments at a time but generally dismissed it. my thoughts before my realization that this can't be me, this can't be happening to me. I thought i was going crazy so i repressed it for a short while. my relationship with my assigned gender was not a bad one but i did feel as if something was missing but identified as my assigned birth cause i didn't think there was anything else.

    2. well i've always very briefly questioned my gender but the events that lead up to my questioning was very sudden. The day prier to realizing that i was genderfluid, I was in one of my classes and in that class we get to share something interesting before the class starts. So shared the transgender episode of ppg and how it was poorly represented. It was a long and impressing subject that i got quiet a few unique view points from. It wasn't until the professor said 'there could be someone trans in the class and we'd never know.' it instantly struck a cord and i felt like i was hiding that i myself was trans. I felt a panic attack on the shore and i felt like everyone was staring at me. when infact no one was looking my way. i dismissed it and told myself that i'm not a man. the very next day was when i had the mind blowing moment. I felt like a guy trapped in my body and had an extreme of dsyphoria loom over me like no other. But the next day i was absolutely fine and back to my femme self.

    3. yes, it was very big step to getting me out of denial.

    4. very confusing and still is, i get triggered so often now a days it's crazy.I try to convince myself that i'm not transgender but on my male days it's so hard!

    5. It was a strange epiphany. I was shocked honestly.

    6. I heard of genderfluid back in highschool. I honestly, at the time, thought it was some made up thing. It didn't hit me until later and even then i didn't want to believe it.

    7. a) I usually show dysphoria towards sexual/genital not so much presentation anymore. When i am having a male day i usually watch men and get really jealous, especially to homosexual couples. i've always wanted to be in a homosexual relationship but since i'm not a 'real man' i get depressed and just try to forget about it and move on. then i'd pretend i'd have a flat chest and flex and stuff in the mirror even though i have zero muscles XD. but it's nice to just pretend for a moment, then i'll just get upset again.

    7. b) yes. I wonder if i'm just in denial again and if i'm just using genderfluid as a 'fill in' so i don't have to say i'm trans. although i get confused cause i have no desire to fully transition or anything.

    8. a) I identify as female, male and nonbinary. Mostly non binary.

    8. b) I prefer he/ him or they/them, people who known me for my whole life can call me she/her (it doesn't bother me as much when my family says it)

    9. It's all random really. i'll have like a thought that goes along the lines 'why wasn't i a by then i'll just get mad again.

    10. mmm some what. only told a handful of people. oddly enough my mom and is the one tell everybody -_-. i wished she'd just stop and let me do it myself when i'm ready.

    i hope this help.
     
    #12 Funkitty, Jun 29, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2016
  13. LRogue

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2017
    Messages:
    1
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    Location:
    United Stated of America
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Optional:
    Birth-assigned gender:
    Female
    Approximate age: 15-20

    1. Tell me about your own behaviour/presentation/thoughts before you realized you were genderfluid. What was your relationship with the gender you were living as, or the one you were assigned at birth? How did you present, think, and act?
    I did identify as my birth gender most of my life, especially when I was younger. Now that I am looking back I remember at times I was confused about gender, and why we were separated? Idk.
    Lately, I will feel like a “girl” on some days, and a “dude” on other days. It’s not like I consciously shift, it’s just like “Hey, I feel like a girl today. Imma wear this cute dress, fix my hair, etc.” But, other days I don’t feel like anything. I just feel like me. I didn’t realize it was me being gender fluid until I finally got the courage to tell my friend, and she said why she thought it sounded like. Thats what lead me here, I guess? But before we talked I kept doubting myself, saying it’s just a phase. That I read about someone and was imitating them. There’s still doubt at times, and I’m still confused. But... hopefully talking about it more helps.

    2. Was there an event in your life that triggered your gender questioning, or was it a gradual thing?
    Umm... okay example. When I was in kindergarten, I was really close with three people (Teddy, William and Zoey), and I had a tiny crush on Teddy? (Honestly I don’t know why, it was a five year old me, who knows what I was thinking.) And remember a time when I gues Teddy went to the bathroom and was gone for too long. The teacher asked for a volunteer to go check on him, and I volunteered. Obviously I wasn’t picked, but I was confused at the time. Why couldn’t I go check on Teddy? But no, there’s no major event. It’s just been gradual? Like I said early, sometimes I feel like a Male, other times Female and rarely just a They. I just... never noticed till I actually looked back on it.

    3. Was questioning your birth-assigned gender the beginning of your path to discovering you were genderfluid? Or perhaps you tried living as another gender in between the two?
    No... Well yes I’ve questioned my gender, especially because I feel like a Male at times, so I talked to my cousin. And they explained how they don’t feel right in their skin, that they want to feel like themselves so that’s why they are getting surgery. But the thing is, I always feel like myself. Yeah I might act more dude-ish at times, and then there’s the days I just want to get my nails done and try on dresses at the store. But No it wasn’t the beginning. Honestly there is no beginning. It just... happened

    4. What was the experience of questioning your gender like for you? How did you make sense of the confusion?
    I just. I never really questioned it. Not until I spoke to some people, and heard other people’s stories. What really sparked my interest was this one story of a gender fluid girl (usually a she, but born a male), and how she just woke up feeling like whichever gender. She even had a blog for each gender, and I remember reading about how her friends would ask for her pronouns each time they talked or about how her father asked her “Who am I hugging? My child, my son or my daughter?” It didn’t really click at the time, but I still remember it. I didn’t really stay questioning until recently. So I spoke to my friend about how I was feeling and she told me about it. Lol. It ended up with her coming over and we watched Iron Man and just hung out. We didn’t speak about what I had asked her, but her just being there really helped. I was just... idk. A weight had been both lifted and put into me. Umm.. yeah.

    5. What was the moment were you realized you weren't just one gender? Was there an epiphany, or was it a period of exploration over several weeks, months, even years?
    No? I just. Okay, maybe... yeah. It was a recent epiphany? Um. I’m still a little unsure, but I was told that doubts gonna be there. Just know that whatever or whoever you are it doesn’t matter what other people think: you are you and that’s all that matters. Like I said earlier, about the gendeflyid girl. I guess her story was just in the back of my mind and I started realizing... stuff. Idk. There’s still doubt. Even now as I write this.

    6. Were you familiar with the genderfluid identity before or after you discovered that it described you? How did you know it described you? Maybe you tripped over an article online that struck a chord, or maybe there was an event in your life that made you dysphoric enough to "just know"?
    Yes I was familiar, but I didn’t realize it described me. I just. I’ve always had outfits that fit both male and females and sometimes they? And. I just have been thinking recently? Idk. It more like at times I felt like a boy and was contemplating going to gender therapy and getting too surgery. Other times I felt more femine.

    7. a) When in a "mode" contrary to your birth gender, do you feel any dysphoria, and if so, what kind? For example: social, sexual/genital, presentation-wise, etc.
    Um. I really hate my breasts. I can tell you that now. To me they are useless and they just hang there! Why do I need the! I also would dislike my body shape. Wishing I have more muscles or my features were sharper.

    7. b) And does it ever make you think, "Maybe I'm just trans*"?
    Yeah, sometimes.

    8. a) What are the genders that you identify with as a part of your genderfluid identity?
    Male, female, and they.

    8. b) And what pronouns do you prefer?
    Um. She/her? I actually haven’t tried other pronouns so I would know? I might ask my cousin (one from above) to help me? Like calling me different ones according to how I feel that day?

    9. How frequently do you switch between your genders, are there any triggers/situations that influence it, and how long do you typically stay in each gender for? Is there even a pattern?
    Not that frequently. I honestly don’t know. It’s just like. Okay, I feel like a Male. Usually it lasts all day, but sometimes I will feel like a girl after I was a dude for a couple hours? I usually stay with my gender for a day at least. A couple weeks? I don’t think there is any triggers, I just... am I what I am.theres usually no trigger, I just wake up and I am like. BAM! This is who I am today. There’s really no pattern? Sometimes I feel like a they? Others a female or male? It just... happens.

    10. Are you out? If not, what has kept you back, and if you are out, what resistance did you experience from those around you?
    No. I... I sometimes doubt myself. Like. I think “what if I’m tying to be special?” “What if this is just a phase?” “Will mom understand?” And I just... I’m afraid. And confused still. I just want to live my life, and be me? That’s all.

    Is there anything else you want to add?
    Just to say Thank you. It’s hard for me to trust and talk to people. It took my a long time to gain the courage to tell my friend.
     
  14. Linus

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2015
    Messages:
    1
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    Location:
    Chicago Area
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Well, I'll throw my experience in, while I'm here. Haven't posted in quite a while, but since I'm writing a final paper on the subject, thought I'd take a look. And if by slim chance your name is Greg B, and you're reading this- my personal experience.


    1. Tell me about your own behaviour/presentation/thoughts before you realized you were genderfluid. What was your relationship with the gender you were living as, or the one you were assigned at birth? How did you present, think, and act?

    Being born female, I often identified with boys more than girls, but there were days when I did feel "girly" and was very content wearing girl clothes and identifying as a girl. Most days I didn't think about my gender and it was only when I couldn't do things like boyscouts when I thought about it. Having a twin brother didn't help. It seemed like he was allowed to do girly things if he wanted to, but I wasn't allowed to do boyish things.
    Some days, especially entering middle school, I would feel like a boy, but I would try very hard to convince myself and others that I was a girl and very comfortable being one.
    I only found out that genderfluid was real when I was maybe 15-16. That was when my questioning really started. A (trans) friend asked me why I didn't cut my hair. I said something like "But then I can't really decide my gender, you know? I'm just not comfortable with that, at least not yet." They went: What do you mean?
    Then I went: Wait a minute. What do I mean?
    I didn't cut my hair because I'd never admitted to myself that I was anything but a girl. Why cut it? I thought that if I cut my hair, there was no going back, because either people would think I was a lesbian, or I would identify as... fluid.


    2. Was there an event in your life that triggered your gender questioning, or was it a gradual thing?
    Mostly gradual. I denied it for most of my life. I just tried not to think about it.

    3. Was questioning your birth-assigned gender the beginning of your path to discovering you were genderfluid? I tried to be a girl. It wasn't right. In my childhood I didn't care about gender norms, and I didn't have breasts, so it didn't bother me as much then.

    4. What was the experience of questioning your gender like for you? The confusion started around high school. up until then I didn't have very many friends so I didn't care how people saw me. I felt weird about my body sometimes, but I dismissed it.

    5. What was the moment were you realized you weren't just one gender? High school- freshman/sophomore year.

    6. Were you familiar with the genderfluid identity before or after you discovered that it described you? How did you know it described you? After.

    7. a) When in a "mode" contrary to your birth gender, do you feel any dysphoria, and if so, what kind? Social, presentation-wise, my breasts feel weird, sometimes I wish I had a dick, etc etc.
    7. b) And does it ever make you think, "Maybe I'm just trans*"?
    Once or twice in the beginning, but it never felt right.

    8. a) What are the genders that you identify with as a part of your genderfluid identity?
    Man, Woman, neither, mix of both
    8. b) And what pronouns do you prefer?
    He/she/they- interchangable

    9. How frequently do you switch between your genders, are there any triggers/situations that influence it, and how long do you typically stay in each gender for? Is there even a pattern?
    Clothing stores. I hate clothing stores. I used to be concerned about switching- like, what if I don't switch back, what if I'm just cis, or what if I'm just trans? It always changes though. Sometimes it's by day, week, hour, minute, anything really. Often times I'm somewhere in the middle.

    10. Are you out? If not, what has kept you back, and if you are out, what resistance did you experience from those around you? Finally, yes. I'm out to most people in my area. I'm in college now, small liberal arts school, where most people are very accepting. Also out to family and close friends. When coming out to people I usually play it by ear. The most resistance I've gotten is on online forums and the like, which I don't mind too much. Usually I'm able to resolve things with those people- *cracks knuckles*
    -nicely of course.
     
    #14 Linus, Dec 18, 2017
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2017
  15. solangelo7

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2017
    Messages:
    103
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    Location:
    South Korea (I wish)
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I was born female, I am 14 years old, and I'm bisexual

    For most of my life I was pretty happy as a girl, I wore pink, I loved dresses, but as I grew older I never wanted to wear feminine clothing, and for a long time I debated shaving my head or cutting my hair short.

    one time my friends and I were playing a prank on this kid, and trying to make him think that I was a boy. To make it seem realistic, they started calling me he and him and using a masculine version of my name. I don't know when I realized it, but it just felt right, and I was scared because I thought I was transgender. But then the next day I was like, 'eh, not really, I'm definitely a girl,' and that's when I started thinking about my gender identity.

    I never really thought about gender before (heck, I didn't even know what LGBT was until I was at least 10), but when I googled gender identity, gender fluidity caught my eye, and I began to wonder if that was who I was.

    I had some hard, sad times, when questioning. Sometimes I would look in the mirror and think, "I wish I didn't have boobs." Or, "I wish I could cut my hair." Other times I would ask myself why I wasn't prettier, or more girly.

    Sometimes I feel slight dysphoria, like when my family says, "Oh, how pretty I am," and continually uses she/her. Most of the time I avoid looking in the mirror.

    I have occasionally wondered if I am trans, but since I identify as female most of the time, I don't think thas the case.

    I go between male, female and most of the time something a mix of both or neither.

    I like both he/him and she/her, I don't really have a preference right now.

    Honestly, half the time I don't notice my gender shift. For me, it's not a conscious thing. I'll just look in the mirror later and go, oh look I'm a boy now.

    I'm out to very few of my close friends (all of which are bisexual, one of which is nonbinary). They don't use my pronouns, but they do stop to ask what my gender is at the moment. One of them is questioning their gender, but he thinks he is gender fluid too.
     
  16. Rowe

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2016
    Messages:
    341
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Massachusetts
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Optional: what is your birth-assigned gender, approximate age, and sexuality?
    Male, 17, panromantic asexual.

    1. Tell me about your own behaviour/presentation/thoughts before you realized you were genderfluid. What was your relationship with the gender you were living as, or the one you were assigned at birth? How did you present, think, and act?
    I was questioning my gender at the time, and could not figure it out. I did a lot of research learned a lot about gender. Still couldn't figure it out, even though I knew what genderfluid was pretty well. It wasn't for a while that I figured out that I'm pretty much female but also technically genderfluid.

    2. Was there an event in your life that triggered your gender questioning, or was it a gradual thing?
    I just kind of started when I was in middle school, then forgot about it, then it gradually started again in high school.

    3. Was questioning your birth-assigned gender the beginning of your path to discovering you were genderfluid?
    Kind of? I was also questioning my sexuality and learned a lot about gender too, but started questioning my gender and that set off specifically researching gender.

    4. What was the experience of questioning your gender like for you? How did you make sense of the confusion?
    I just kind of knew I wasn't totally male when I was questioning, but didn't know what I actually was.

    5. What was the moment were you realized you weren't just one gender? Was there an epiphany, or was it a period of exploration over several weeks, months, even years?
    It was exploration over a few months

    6. Were you familiar with the genderfluid identity before or after you discovered that it described you? How did you know it described you? Maybe you tripped over an article online that struck a chord, or maybe there was an event in your life that made you dysphoric enough to "just know"?
    I was before. I knew about the concept being transgender my whole life, then kind of questioned that briefly in middle school. I then learned a lot more while questioning my sexuality. I then learned about that, and I didn't really think that it described me at first until after a while I realized it kind of did.

    7. a) When in a "mode" contrary to your birth gender, do you feel any dysphoria, and if so, what kind? For example: social, sexual/genital, presentation-wise, etc.
    Extremely rarely.

    7. b) And does it ever make you think, "Maybe I'm just trans*"?
    Yeah, I usually just call myself transgender MtF because it's pretty much what I am.

    8. a) What are the genders that you identify with as a part of your genderfluid identity?
    Female, agender, occasionally male-ish

    8. b) And what pronouns do you prefer?
    She/her/hers or they/them/theirs

    9. How frequently do you switch between your genders, are there any triggers/situations that influence it, and how long do you typically stay in each gender for? Is there even a pattern?
    I don't really know. I'm almost always female, but often agender, and rarely male

    10. Are you out? If not, what has kept you back, and if you are out, what resistance did you experience from those around you?
    I did come out as nonbinary to at least 4 people. The first was my teacher, who accidentally outed me to my parents (I'll talk about that at the end), then kind of forgot. The second and third were two classmates. One kind of figured it out and the other was always with him. I confirmed it, and one kept asking slightly inappropriate questions and when I'll come out to my family. The other turned out to not be accepting of nonbinary people but that didn't mean she disliked me personally. The last was a friend and possibly some other people at my school. I went to a GLSEN conference and we all had to wear name tags that said our name and pronouns. I used my deadname but wrote they/them/theirs. One of my friends noticed and immediately apologized for misgendering me, and I just responded that it's not his fault because he didn't know.
    I was also outed to my parents and possibly my sister. My teacher accidentally said I got a transgender-related shirt because she assumed I was out to them. My parents did support me, but kept pressuring me to explain what my teacher meant. I'm still not completely out to them, but I plan to be within the next few months. I know they will support me, but I don't know how to come out.

    Is there anything else you want to add?