I need help, I'm not sure what I am. Well, that sounds very odd. I'm a teenager in an average school with parents who aren't awfully accepting of unusual genders or sexualities. I don't get on with them very well. But I was talking to some of my friends, one of whom is genderfluid and she (for lack of better pronoun. You gotta help me here!) was telling me how it felt. I started thinking, and realised that, well - a lot of the time, I'm like that. Most of the time I don't mind female pronouns or anything, but I dress in the boys' school uniform shorts and I recently cut my hair short. I'm not terribly feminine, my voice is low pitched (well, medium) and I can't help but notice that my natural features are less feminine than most. Then some days I'll wake up with this urge to grow my hair long, I'll tinker with the long-buried makeup box and turn up to school with neatly straightened hair, stockings and my skirt. It's very confusing for me when this happens, and in the reverse. I'm a singer and I have a nice range - I can sing alto and soprano - but I'm forced to wear dresses! Sometimes I love this, other days I just feel damn awkward. So this begs the question - am I gender fluid? I even have two names, Alex and Lexi. Usually I'm Alex but Lexi is my kinda girly self. I'm really worried about telling anyone because I've got a sort of thing (we're talking very tentative but mutual) going with another "girl" who is a bit like me. I'm afraid it'd weird her out too much to have anything going with one confused genderfluid lesbian. I mean, we both know we like girls, she refers to herself as a lesbian in public but, well - lesbians are supposed to like girls, aren't they? And if I'm not completely a girl? Oh, hell am I confused. -Fia
If you just feel female and male, only those two genders, you would be considered Bigender. Bigender is when you could fluctuate between two genders, or be those two genders at once. You want to be male at times, and female at times. But you don't seem to want to be agender or any other gender besides male and female. So I'd say to research the terms "bigender" and "genderfluid" some more. Genderfluid is more like, you just shift around the spectrum. You could be female one day, male the next, agender, androgynous, etc. As for the girl, If I were you, I would tell her. If you really like her, tell her. If she doesn't accept it, it wasn't meant to be. You need someone who understands and accepts how you are feeling. Even if it takes a while, it would be worth it to be able to actually tell them how you are feeling. It would be better to tell her after you told your parents, if you were planning on it. It must be hard to hold this is, especially around her. At least you have that friend, you could talk to her about it. Maybe she knows some more?
The clothes you wear, or how feminine/masculine you are don't influence your gender. Lots of cis people wear different kinds of clothing, or are varying levels of feminine/masculine, that's normal. That doesn't necessarily rule out the possibility that you're genderfluid though, only you can really say for sure.
Take your time and explore, do some experimenting : There is no rush. It seems to me you are some kind of genderqueer, but as Acm said, it's up to you. Obviously, if there is something you don't want to do... Don't do it. Social pressure can be terrible, so terrible that we might 'assimilate it', being unable to tell at the end about how we really feel... This can happen both for gender and sexuality. You should focus on identify how you feel about stuff, and if you are doing some of it because of the pressure I mentioned.
Thanks. Because I'm still a little bewildered. Most days I'm somewhere in between, which can be very confusing to me
Fia, as I have said, you could be genderqueer, or even agender, third gender... You don't need to fit in '100% man' or '100% woman' to have a real, valid gender identity. Even cisfolks are a mix between both. There is nothing wrong with that, chill... That confusion you experience is common among genderqueers at the beginning of their self discovery. Just take it easier and read about other folks' experiences. You'll be ok, what you are going through is normal, don't worry.
I would maybe try asking yourself what it is that you like about performing both your more masculine and your more feminine sides. If both of them feel comfortable and like you're just being you, then it sounds like bigender or maybe genderfluid would be a good fit. My gender expression fluctuated wildly (and daily) when I was in high school. Then I figured out that while I liked the satisfaction of putting together an attractive outfit (not to mention all the social rewards I got for performing a gender that "matched" my body), I didn't much like actually wearing feminine clothing... and I stopped. So how you feel about things can really change how you interpret your gender.
Thanks. I just don't know a lot about all of this. For example, I tried being more feminine today - the oblivious parents wondered what planet I was from.
