Okay, so I know that I'm bisexual. And I have female parts. And until recently, I've identified as female. But since I was very young, I have always tended to do boy things, always have guy friends instead of girl friends, and when I got to be old enough to choose my own clothes, I began cross-dressing; I also cut my hair into a boy's cut. And I feel good in guy clothes. But I also feel good in girl clothes. And I like to dress up in dresses, put on make up, and I have a boyfriend. To take it a step further, I don't really mind when people use he/him pronouns on me. But I don't mind she/her pronouns either. I actually only get really uncomfortable when people call me they/them. I was kind of hoping someone could explain the other gender labels to me? I only really know male, female, and bigender. And I don't really know if bigender is the one that really fits the situation exactly.
Wearing different clothes or doing things typically thought of as for the opposite gender don't necessarily mean that you have a different gender identity, lots of people are like that. Do you ever feel uncomfortable being female or do you ever feel like you're a different gender? There's also agender (no gender), androgyne (which is like a mix or androgynous) to name a few.
Well, I don't ever feel uncomfortable being a female, per se. It's more that sometimes I feel like I'd rather be a guy, that it suits me better. And sometimes it's vice versa. When I was in seventh grade, I told my best friend at the time that I wanted a sex change because I felt completely out of body mostly all the time. I passed that off as a phase, but now I'm not so sure. And it's my understanding that bigender means you feel you're female and male at the same time, while I feel like sometimes I'm female and sometimes I'm male. Maybe I'm wrong on the definition?
It seems to me that feeling both masculine and feminine at the same time, or expressing a simultaneous combination of aspects from both genders, is closer to the meaning of 'androgyny.' Androgyny is often associated with the idea of a lack of gender, but as Acm said, that definition is better represented by the term 'agender.' People who seem androgynous do so because it's unclear to others whether they fall into a male or female category, but that usually happens due to the fact that they express both masculine and feminine characteristics, rather than neither. It's really very difficult to express no gendered traits, but quite easy to express aspects of both. 'Bigender,' on the other hand, allows more leeway for the definition. The prefix 'bi-' simply means two, as I'm sure you know, and it's possible for those two genders to be expressed either simultaneously (as with androgyny) or alternatingly. Basically, 'bigender' could very easily mean that you prefer to switch between one clearly gendered expression to the other, just like a bisexual person could either date both men and women at the same time, or alternate between dating one or the other. Personally, I like the finiteness of the word 'bigender,' because it can literally only mean two. It sounds like you have very clear ideas of what it means to be 'a girl' or 'a boy,' and when you feel like one or the other, you express it with very specific gendering characteristics, like dresses/makeup or short hair/masculine clothing. However, if you still find this term inappropriate, you might look into the 'genderfluid' label. In my experience, 'genderfluid' carries the connotation of less clear definitions of what it means to be a woman or a man, but it does also imply the switching that you feel comfortable doing, so maybe you'll like that term better.
Thank you so much for explaining those. I'm going to have to think about it some more, I guess. I don't want to just haul off and say something I'm not sure about.
No problem. There is, in general, a lot of confusion about and widespread differing usages of terms like these, so I tend to go with the definitions of more reputable sources like DSM or APA, or even focus on the actual words themselves. I trust etymologies a lot more than any one group's acquisition of a term, but I also don't think it's entirely wrong to try to use a word that 'feels' right. Language is a perpetually mutable narrative of the human condition, and it's perfectly human to say things you're not sure about, take them back, and change your mind.
Thank you, Synthetik. You are seriously the biggest help I've gotten so far. Normally, I would talk to my best friend/boyfriend about things like this, but I just don't know how he would react if I suddenly told him that I identify as a boy and a girl. He's straight, but I have absolutely no doubt that he would stay with me regardless of my gender. I'm just afraid that he would start questioning his own masculinity and sexuality because he's dating someone who identifies as both genders but has girl parts.
I'm glad to help! It sounds like you have a good relationship, but I always encourage consistently open and honest communication between partners, so you might want to consider discussing it with him for the sake of deepening and enriching your partnership. It's not fair to you to have to hide such a big part of yourself, especially from a person with whom you are emotionally intimate, and it's not fair to him to be kept in the dark about the person with whom he believes he is being intimate. You can take your time and bring up the topic as gradually and gently as you feel comfortable doing, but at some point -- especially if you stay together in the future -- it will come up. Perhaps you can help him through his own process of questioning, if it turns out that way, now that you've gone through it yourself.
