I'm sorry if this question is offensive at all - i know implying that sexuality/gender identity can change also might imply the idea that "gayness can be cured"...which is not at all what I'm suggesting. But I've read a few comments/posts on here in the last few days that imply some people perhaps felt their sexuality/identity change throughout life. it's just something I've been curious about lately... for example, perhaps you are born male, feel comfortable as such, and identify as gay from a young age, and are very content with that for most of you life. then mid 40s or so you begin to think your gender identity is female, but you never really questioned that before. do people find that this can actually change or do you more think you just become more aware of different aspects of yourself?
I think it's a bit of both. For one thing, even if it is mostly just coming to an awareness, being aware of an aspect of yourself changes how you interpret yourself and act, which can effect transformation of the self. And if it's mostly actual change, then becoming aware of it is a significant part of that change.
I think it is a bit of both. I think some people are comfortable enough with their assigned sex, and why shouldn't they be. Cis the uniform, its normal, and should we think we're anything but normal. If their are twinges of discomfort we chalk it down to something easily explainable; weight, self esteem, etc. And how do we know everyone else doesn't feel this way? Most people want to find a way to fit in. And if you are comfortable enough then you would never have a clue. Now let's say something changes in your life. For some people shit hits the fan, for others their life finally starts going great. Imagine if your whole life you lived with parents that made you feel shit about yourself. You chalk hating yourself down to that. Finally move out but now you're the new kid at your new school, and straight out the bat you're the prime targeting for bullying. Life is just one hell moment at the other, but finally the bullshit high school years are over. You move on with life, you start to feel better about yourself with each year, but something still isn't right. In your mind there is a little voice saying things should be different, but you can't figure out what. You would never suspect its your assigned sex, that is just crazy, besides you have invested into becoming the ideal woman/man, and what would your family think? But somehow are another you catch a glimpse of that man/woman you could of been. Everything just sort of tumbles into place. That voice in your head that whisper something wasn't right has now turned the volume up and is declaring "I want to be a man/woman." And then starts the process of trying to figure it all out. Questions that need answered. How didn't you know? Why now? Did you change or were you always like this? As you accept who you are bit by bit you grow more comfortable with the thought of being the other sex, you get a little flutter of excitement in your stomach/heart when you see how well others have transition. You begin to want to be like them, you envy them. That person you were before, you have no idea how you that was who you truly were, that person you constructed to satisfy society. But there are still doubts if you are now is the real you. What if you're deluding yourself? What if you aren't trans? Some people would like to learn they aren't trans, others fear it. Its hard to say if the person changed or if their situation in life changed enough for them to see the truth. People change and evolve as they go through life. What may have been true today may not be so today. I have read stories of people who have lived the life of a woman, and happily so, but once they knew they could be a man they knew that was the path for them.
I think both can happen. I definitely think gender/sexuality can change. People often get on the defensive when this is brought up, saying things like, "You're suggesting that we're CHOOSING to be gay/trans?!" And no, that's not what I'm suggesting at all. They need to realize that I mean the gender/sexuality can change involuntarily, depending on the environment's effect on the person or just their feelings toward different identities and sexualities. For example, I think my sexuality changed. I had thought about women before I knew I was bi; they seemed kinda weird for me to be in a relationship with, and I could never imagine having sex with one. It's not as if the thought never crossed my mind so it was repressed. It did, and my mind rejected it automatically. Now that doesn't seem so strange, and maybe even desirable.
I believe that sexual and gender identity (by gender identity I mean the gender with which you identify with at the moment) can change. However, sexual orientation and your innate gender (the gender that you feel innately connected to) cannot change as they are set during the prenatal period. In other words someone whose orientation is to be attracted to someone of the same sex might identify as straight and only later on identify as gay. Similarily someone who identifies as cis might later on realize that he or she is actually trans or non binary. However, deep down they have always been gay or trans* and just didn't know it. A good way to understand this is to look at bigender and bisexuals, in both cases the gender and sexual identities can fluctuate over time. However, they still remain bi despite identifying as male or female/ straight or gay at a specific period of time. So the innate gender and orientation is stable but the identity remains fluid.
In my opinion, gender is fixed since birth. You can try to supress it, but it'll keep coming back. Sexual orientation is quite complicated... I like to think most of us are bisexual by nature (which would explain a lot of confused post by scared folks, think of your average 'I had an erection when warching gay porn, shoild I be worried???'). I've said 'most'... I do also believe there is folks out there who are 100% gay, I've met them. Still, your orientation can't be sttic, sice you'll meet throughout your life tons of people, nd by pure stadistic you'll feel attracted to them for some particular and very personal reason. Identity as a whole is an illusion : We are in perpetual state of change, learning as we live, changing... I hope this helps.
