Is it normal for someone to be fine with their birth sex as a child. Hung out with people of all genders, and would talk about what they would do when they were in high school (because when in elementary school high school was the place to be). This person always talked about growing up as their birth sex. Of course they didn't really focus on how they would look, they were bust talking about being popular and hanging out with friends. Then puberty hits and the body changes. They have a sibling who went through something similar, so they had an idea of what to expect, but some reason they though puberty would be like what the other sibling of the opposite sex went through. They were told everyone was uncomfortable with change and that one day they would be the perfect boy/girl. The person starts hanging out with people of the same sex, trying to find a way to look forward to the changes, like the other kids did. Always though was the sense of being different, but they were told that was normal as well. Eventually person is resigned that they are different, a werido/freak/failure. They are a teenager by this point. They have thought of themselves as their birth sex, has viewed themselves as such except on a few occasion when they sudden felt they were the opposite sex. That was something they felt was normal too. They hated themselves for all the things that made them different from their birth sex. They thought it would of been better to be the opposite sex. With that little thought their imagination seems to let lose a future in their head where they are opposite sex. It was everything they had imagine when thinking things through as their assigned sex, but it was still a better future. Then they would be pulled back to reality and they would have an ache in their heart. They didn't hate their bodies, or feel like they had the wrong body or parts. They did, to a degree, identify as their assigned sex. But that future they just imagined, they wanted it so so bad. For weeks, months, years its all they can think about. But they wonder if that is a normal thing. Every time they felt different or uncomfortable with their body they were told it was normal. At some point they were told it was normal to want to be the opposite sex, all boys and girls think about it. But is it normal for it to be on your mind constantly? To feel sad that you could never be it? To feel a pain in your heart every time you do something so boyish/girlish that you know you can only be your assigned sex? Is it normal to hate that you have those boyish/girlish tendencies, because if you didn't have them then maybe you would know for certain you were suppose to be opposite sex?
Children are wonderfully terrifying creatures. They have no concept for things adults think about every day. It's not "right and wrong" or "normal and weird" it's "fun and not fun". Our thoughts change as we get older, we pay more attention to the wider world and remember things we've been told by our parents that we'd thought nothing of at the time but had stuck in our minds. Children playing with any other child and wanting to be a different gender because of their situation or the people they're with and not thinking about what it means for them is normal, but if a supposed cisgender teenager/young adult is constantly wanting to be the opposite gender to what they're assigned with then they're probably not cis. I mean, that's not a sure thing. People are becoming more and more open about exploring their gender/sexuality and people don't need to be male or female to enjoy things that are typically male/female things, that's a social construct forced upon us. It's what people feel/think inside, in their minds, that's what matters. And I think all of this is normal, even if society tells us it's not.
I believe so. Usually transgender people don't notice that there's a difference between their gender identity and birth sex until they're going through puberty.
Me and my brother were just having a conversation. I'm not out to him but I do bring up these kinds of conversation every once in a while hoping that he'd catch the hint. His thinking is that its normal. Or at least that is is normal for me, and that it me hating my boobs and thinking about losing them since I got them is me just over reacting, he also believes that I am to feminine to ever make a good guy. Which is funny because I had to work for years to act this feminie. I can remember before working to be more girly I would have moments where I would be doing something random, like washing dishes or folding clothes, and would be hit by this just random feeling that I was a boy. It would last for a second then go, and I worked hard to ignore those members. Now I just wish to have those feelings again. I guess when puberty hit I just wanted to fit in a be cool. Sticking out in high school can be very bad. Now that I can be me I'm realizing insurpressed a lot about myself.
I think it is normal. I can look back to moments where being treated as my assigned gender rubbed me the wrong way, even before puberty set in. But I never was able to link it to wanting to be a girl. It wasn't until puberty that things got to be about wanting a body of the other sex. Be careful what you wish for. Right now for me, the feeling is like background noise. But the last time it hit me like what you are suggesting, I basically lost a weekend to depression. In some ways I'd rather have this constant "buzzing" that doesn't cripple me, than an explosion of repressed emotion that does.
Oh I lived in depression before and I do not miss it. That time it was around having facial hair and just seeming so.'boy' when I should be 'girl'. But I didn't know much about transgender back them, and what I did know made me think I couldn't possibly be trans. Now I just want it back so that I can be certain. That way I can tell my family that 'yes I am trans' and that transitioning will make me happier. In stead of what I told my friend which was that if in had to choose between keeping my facial hair or keeping my boobs, facial hair wins every time.
It's not uncommon for gender to change between childhood and adolescence. It is extremely uncommon for gender to change after puberty. The region of the brain most closely associated with gender is absolutely riddled with sex-hormone receptors. I believe that the onset of puberty causes additional activation in this region, which makes our gender identity more salient to us. For some, as children, there may or may not be enough sex-hormone floating around to activate this region of the brain, which would explain why some people know they're trans from day 1 and others only after puberty. This is just my theory, though it is based on extensive research in the biological evidence for a rigid gender identity.
Perhaps. If I'm right then yes, but it is just my untested theory based on the neuroanatomical evidence in conjunction with the changes in the rigidity of expressed gender identity during puberty. It also anecdotally fits my experience, as I sort of felt agender before puberty. Anytime someone used a gendered pronoun that reminded me that I was biologically male, I was like "oh yeah thats a thing" and shrugged it off. After puberty it changed, and felt more like I had discovered that I had been walking around all day with something stuck in my teeth.
I just had a gender stupid period time as a kid. I thought boys had two sit to pee as well despite having two older brothers. I don't actually think I recognized gender at all. If I had my way I would of done a lot more 'boy' things growing up, but I wasn't really allowed to. These days I'm trying to find a reason to transition, I feel becoming male is wait I need, but I don't understand why and lack of dysphoria throws me off a lot. I see my body as a body, a shield for the 'soul' but nothing more really. If I see my body reflecting 'male' I tend to feel that I am male. And I want to feel this way. But my body reflects female from the neck down, so I get a mix of feelings. Not female but not exactly male either
OP I entirely relate (in reverse of course.) I don't think "normal" is the word you're looking for, but "justified, and worth taking seriously" might be a more useful way of approaching the situation. Because no, it's not a normal thing (normal roughly meaning something that MOST people experience) but you're also far from the only person to have felt the way you do. I at least feel pretty similar. Puberty was a confusing fucking time for me. I wasn't happy with being "a guy" but I felt like I had no choice or say in the matter, so I just gave up. And by gave up, I don't mean that I killed myself or something because I'm still very much alive. I just went deep into repressing the idea of being remotely female, which didn't work. It only caused me to develop a sort of double life between people IRL who saw me as a guy and online/virtual spaces where I told everyone I was a girl. As the years went on I got a better feel for which one was the "costume," which one was really the performance I had to put on to please people and make them think I was normal. So I don't think normal is a good word for what you are. Normal is a lie and a false comfort. You can have happiness without normalcy—I think that normalcy is an impediment to living a genuine existence.
I never told anyone I was a boy online. I always felt like I lying because my body is female. I often got mistaken for one though, I think mostly because a lot of people assume that most gamers are male. Some would say it because of the way I act online. I would always freak because then I was once again not being girl enough. I was always made to feel like shot for not being girl enough. I guess I am looking for a reason go justify me wanting to be a male, or more male like. I don't feel saying "this is I feel I should be." Would work on many people unless I have suffered and anguished and tried to kill myself over it. And in my teenage years I did suffer and wish to die, but as an adult the only thing I have held onto is wishing to be a guy. I will probably be a girl guy, a mix of a female past with a mostly male body, but I find I am okay with that so long as I retain who I am for the most part.
You are enough. You don't have to adhere to anyone's expectations except your own. If you feel like transitioning will improve your life, then do it, if not then don't. Personally I'm trying to find a happy medium where I don't have to transition to be happy, but I only know of one person who has chosen that path, and I'm not sure if it leads to self acceptance and self love. I hope it does as not transitioning would make my life a whole hell of a lot easier. I'm also a 6'5'' broad shouldered trans woman so I'm not sure I can expect the best results if I transitioned.
Yikes, 6'5. I can see how that would be hard. I keep coming back to how I pretty much feel like a really feminine gay guy with a inner girl who I rely on in emotional situations, but as a guy I am glad I do not have to live the woman life....but oh wait, I do....hmmm So the problem is, if I feel like a guy with an inner girl, when I am already a girl, am I in the end just calling myself a girl? Do I have the right to transition, should I choose to, or am I even trans. I am starting to see that I am view my inner image more and more as male, I just still want to be slender. But as that is more dependent on bone build and muscle build I am fine. Some part of me thinks that if I am going to think and stress and long for it so much then I might as well do and deal with anything that happens along the way.
I agree with this comment, but there's also a bit of implied context here: Is this normal [for people with our set of life experiences]? That's a bit of a mouthful, but that's how I read it, and how I personally tend to mean it when I ask that question. I'm not much shorter, so I can relate (6'2"). That said, I've run across DFAB women who are taller than me (and one was totally defying the 'asians are short' stereotype, it was awesome). It is rare enough though that you can't help but go "woah" when you run across someone that tall, male or female. You know, this sounds a lot like the doubts I'm currently dealing with. I just read "Whipping Girl", and found myself following along with a lot of what Julia went through and felt, and even thinks now. But then she talks about her crossdressing phase, or her early years, and I suddenly feel disconnected from "transness" again. But my upbringing was different than her's. And when I look at what I see as an ideal feminine figure, I almost never look to celebrities and the like. So I only partially understand what some trans women go through. Anne Hathaway may be drop-dead gorgeous, but that's an unattainable reality for me. And I wind up idolizing the tomboys and other women who can still look feminine while not being hyper feminine. Someone who will wear comfortable shoes and rock their androgynous look, and still cuddle up with adorable things when they need a little stress relief. It can be hard to split out how you see yourself, and what pieces of "masculinity" and "femininity" make up your expression. And I do tend to get a form of "analysis paralysis" due to anxieties and wanting to make sure I "get it right", even when I'm just buying something mundane. So I can get where you are coming from. It can be crippling, but I'm finding what works is to just take steps, like you suggest. You don't need to rush headlong into transition, but if you need to, you can carve out a personal space to experiment if you don't feel comfortable doing it in public. Maybe you are already doing that, and so maybe just keep finding new areas to branch out with, or take the next step and see a therapist to help poke and prod you in your journey? I know one of my next steps is to find one in the area. As for the slender comment, that sounds about right. In high school I was a very skinny person. Even taking weight lifting didn't really do much, but I was glad since I was mostly taking it for the experience. And I wanted tone, rather than bulk. Nobody questioned my "malehood" then, even the jocks. There's nothing wrong with wanting a slim build as a guy. Plenty of them around.
Sorry for not quoteing, its hard to do on a phone. There is this one trans man I follow on YouTube that I rather look up to. He is super feminine yet still trans and still a man. I tend to take trans men as my role models when thinking of what I would look like if I transitioned, and I think this is because it is an image easier attained than a amab. But for now I will not rush transitioning. The hardest part of anything is dealing with social aspects of breaking out the box. How people will react to a more masculine me. I will start there and work my way out. At home I walk around unshaved. If I go out with my brother's gf to the store I tend to not care how I look because screw what total strangers think. But if I go to my aunt's I will probably panic and shave. She is opinated and I have never been one to speak up in defense of myself. I'll have to work on that. In regards to if it was normal, I meant in the world as a whole were those experiences normal, not just among the trans community. And as for height. I am Arab, I am 5'9. My mom is 5'10 and her twin is 6'. So tall women do exsist. Short men exisig as well, my eldest brother is 5'7 and 1/2. Though he does have diabetes which stunted his growth as a teen.
