androgyne, agender, bigender?

Hi there,
*Double checking I didn't write this in my sleep* you pretty much described me!
Except that I'm attracted to guys, not girls, so my question is "should I call myself gay??"

>> I'm a girl but sometimes I want to be a guy. I don't know if that's like a normal thing that just happens or it means something.

I have no idea, but I have the same thing. It also tends to come and go - some years I'll go without even thinking about, sometimes it annoys me when people refer to me as female, and then more recently I've gone for months obsessing about this question.

>> I've been going to more formal events lately and it's hard to find something that I can wear

Ugh, I feel your pain. Any chance you can rock up with black pants, a white collared shirt and a tie, and not look too out?

At least you identify as lesbian, I'm sure half my friends and colleagues think I'm secretly a butch lesbian and so deep in the closet I can't find my way out. If you dress like that I'm sure people will just shrug and think nothing of it (if you are out as lesbian, I'm assuming so?)

From what I've read, bigender people can switch genders on a daily basis, or they may go through many months, even years as one gender before switching to another. I tend to fall in this category so I identified at first as bigender. With thinking about it however, I started realising I feel more comfortable as male, so I may be transgender.

Agender - in my opinion, I don't think this fits you well. You say you are a girl, and sometimes a guy? Agender people tend to be uncomfortable with any gender label, or they don't perceive gender in the same way cis/trans* people do. They would be much happier if everyone could stop trying to pigeon hole them into a gender, thank you very much.

>>I don't feel manly enough to wear boy pants or a suit

Have you tried it? Grab some thrift store pants and try going out in pants one day. Experiment and see where you end up. In my experience people tend to ignore women walking around in boy pants, girls are lucky that way - you can get away with a lot.

Have you tried cutting your hair super short - if so, how did that make you feel? "YES I LIKE THIS", or "Meh, it looks ok I don't really give a shit", or did it depend on your gender for that day (Some days you thought it was too manly, other days not manly enough). That might give you a clue as to how you experience your gender?

>> But I also feel like am I wasting my time

Depends, I would have said 10 years ago that yes, if you're not experiencing anxiety about your gender, then don't worry about it. Now that the gender issues have got 100x worse in my 30s I'm wondering if working it out back then would've helped settle me into my "real" identity quicker.

All the best