First time poster here. I wanted to ask if anyone else can relate to my situation, and what you did about it. Ever since I hit puberty, I liked guys a lot and girls less so. Now that I am in my late-20s, I have had sex with both sexes (a guy one time), but have only had long relationships with women. The relationships I have with girls are tough, because it is hard for me to be intimate with them. The other issue I have is that I feel guilty, disgusted even, after I masturbate to gay porn or have sex with men, and I feel accomplished and happy when I have sex with women. Before sex/masturbation, I become more aroused with looking at gay porn, but when I "finish," I feel guilty and self-loathing, thinking what I just did was gross and wrong. I've accepted the fact that I'm not fully straight, but why am I more aroused by gay porn/thoughts of having sex with men, but then feel gross after doing it/masturbating to it? I feel like I'm in a never ending cycle of confusion!!
Hello, Boatrider! Hope you're doing well. It seems to me like you have some repressed feelings there, eh? From what you've said about how you feel you've done something "gross" or "wrong" makes me think you've been raised around people who think that about gay or non-hetero sex. I want to let you know that there is absolutely nothing wrong about gay sex, it's just intimacy between two people. You know what makes you happy and feel good, so go towards that. My thoughts are that you may indeed be bi, or at the very least not straight, but you're fighting your own feelings by calling them gross. That's probably because of how you've been raised, no offense to anyone of course, it's just how our minds work. You probably feel accomplished when you get with a woman because that's what you believe a person in a male body is "supposed to do". But know that you can overcome that! Instead of focusing on the gender stereotypes, try focusing on your own feelings. You see enjoying gay sex as a guilty pleasure, but in reality it's just a pleasure, no guilt needed. Follow your heart, I think you'll find you already know the answers Best of luck to you friend!
I agree with AsherAndAdam. We're conditioned to think that heterosexuality is "normal" and anything else isn't. It's called "heteronormatism" and it's been pushed upon us ever since we were little, even by people who aren't necessarily homophobic. I think you just need to learn to accept this part of yourself, is all.
