This is especially for those that are not out or are only out in certain places... Does anyone else feel like they are slammed up against a brick wall when they go into a space where they are closeted after being in a space where they are out, or at least can be themselves? Yesterday, I was at a mini maker faire, and, except for the guy at Potbelly that was just obnoxious, basically everyone was accepting. Today, I was at a joint training exercise with the disaster response team I'm on and a branch of the military, and I was back to presenting as my birth sex, and I am completely emotionally drained. Last weekend, I went to the TransOhio Symposium, presented as myself all weekend, and when I went back to work, was extremely stressed then as well. Short of abruptly coming out, anyone have any coping strategies for these situations?
know exactly what you're feeling.. Was at the support group meeting last week being fully girl and it felt so good.. But i had to be in andro mode the next day and it was just so hard.. wish i could go full-time already...
yes! that feeling makes me feel like i'm lying and leading a double life i don't want. its horrible and feels like the world is crushing in. i am sorry you're going through this but know we are here for you!
I hated it when I first came out. I came out at school and everything, but I was not out in my driving lessons, so I didn't say anything about being male to the teacher. It was absolutely frustrating and a pure annoyance. All I can tell you is that it's perfectly normal because your tolerance for dysphoric environment lowers when you come out. After all, you now know what it's like to express your true self, so the phantom people assumed you were gets harder to tolerate.
The weird part about yesterday, it didn't bother me earlier in the day when two people I knew refered to me with male pronouns (I didn't say anything) but when the guy working at Potbelly repeatedly addressed me as "sir" it really bothered me. This is so confusing. I probably should describe how I appeared more... I had my hair tied back in a pony tail, my bra was stuffed, I was wearing my 5.11 TDK, and had an event t-shirt on. Also old, somewhat beatup tennis shoes, as one never knows what they'll be doing when volunteering for one of these events. Most people avoided gendered language in reference to me, as far as I could tell. Editw: My TDK is from their original 4/1 campaign a few years ago.
Yup. Got to go out as Alexis today, and I love it. I am not certain if my mind is gonna screw with me tonight, but if I still wake up as Alexis tomorrow, school is gonna be hell.
I had this problem before I transitioned. Over the summer and during holidays I work in retail. So, it was pretty draining for me to be seen as female constantly at work before I came out. Even after I came out, many customers would joke that I just had the wrong nametag on. It was a pretty frustrating situation. I found that the best thing for me was to have something to do when I got home to work that frustration out. This also helped calm the dysphoria I was feeling because I was focusing on something else. It may also help if you can wear something that is more feminine. Even if it is small. That way, you have something to focus on when somebody does misgender you.
I do have it, specially at work. Even if I wear whatever (not as much as I would like to, but I can get away with it a lot), I'm not out, so here they come you pack of 'gentlemen' rushing to open the door, and people missgendering me. Even if my team is aware that there is something going on and avoid the gender stuff with me, we've got the occasional visitor from other departments that will say something or do something that will skyrocket my dysphoria. They mean it well... I need to remind myself that each and everytime, even if I sometimes feel really pissed.. It's like a tragicomedy I guess... I try to keep in mind that I don't pass, and that I'm not out, so I don't have a right to expect anything. I'm really grateful to my team for their sensibility, they are good guys,and sensed very soon, with just a few words, that I'm not what I look like. So I try to focus my atention to positive experiences, instead of dwelling too much on my own feelings, which are mixed with my own personal insecurity. It takes a lot of self discipline, and it doesn't work at all at times, but what else can I do... To me spending time here on EC or enjoying privately my gender is what is keeping me sane right now. Also to share men's stuff with my father (this has been always there anyways). I've also got my own rituals when I come back home. Some days I imagine a nice scene, like some girl waiting for me at home... Yup, childish daydreaming, but afaik this ain't no crime... yet. I think at this stage a great deal of patience is needed. Thinking 'I'm not there yet, but one day I will.' No, I'm not perfect at it, but I try and keep trying. And dreaming, why the hell not...
